Urusei Yatsura – 38 – SisTerminator: Dark Futility

A date between Shuutarou and his androphobic betrothed Asuka was never going to stay normal for long, but it’s impressive just how quickly things go off the rails. While making Shuu tea, Asuka’s whisking turns the cup into a pile of clay dust, to which she adds hot tea and fashions a new cup. Shuu’s incredibly forced-polite reaction is perfect.

When one of his bodyguards interrupts, a frightened Asuka gloms onto Shuutarou tight and like the teacup, his ribs are turned to dust. Ataru, disguised as one of Ryouko’s ninjas, uses this as an opportunity to get closer to Asuka by manipulating the KO’d Shuu in a Weekend at Bernie’s-type situation. The puppet sound effects are exquisite.

Once Lum reveals Ataru’s disguise, Asuka sends him and Shuu flying, and Shuu regains consciousness (and his ribs miraculously reconstitue) in mid-air. They watch in the distance as Asuka, essentially trapped on an island, launches every bodyguard she encounters into the air.

Lum lends another helping hand, showing Asuka a tank in the Mendou family’s possession. Rather than hop in, she tears the tank to pieces with her bare hands and fashions a new suit of armor to protect her from scary men. Ataru and Shuu secretly watch this quirky, steampunk twist on the “changing scene” with disappointment.

Ryouko, who is determined to keep her brother away from Asuka, lures her to her room and prepares to fill her head with nonsense, which is Ryouko’s specialty. When Shuu comes in with Ataru still attached to his back, Asuka smashes them both into a wall, but then her mother arrives, and despite her face locked in a placid smile, she’s not happy.

Convinced Asuka isn’t taking this date seriously, her mom (who, again, is one of anime’s all-time worst moms for what she did to Asuka) decides that Asuka will go on a date with Ataru. If she can survive such a repellant man, she can survive any man. The logic is sound, and of course Ataru is game.

When Asuka resists and threatens to fight her mom, we see where she got her superhuman strength. She’s no match for her mom, who effortlessly places her in a hold, chains her to Ataru, and then brings in her brother Tobimaro as a hostage: if she breaks the chain, Ton dies. This family sucks!

Even if Asuka wanted to obey her mother, her instincts and body act all on their own. Despite being connected to Ataru, she still tries to run from him, and nothing—not wood, bricks, mortar, or ballistic steel—can stop her. She cuts through all of them like butter, causing untold millions in damage to the Mendou household.

Asuka’s mom meets them on a bridge with a final warning, but Asuka still isn’t willing to relent, repurposing Ataru as a chain weapon and attacking her mom, who uses the bound Ton as a shield. Yes, a mother and daughter are fighting using her son and forced date, respectively, as weapons.

Just when you thought we’d reached the height of resourceful absurdity, Asuka starts spinning Ataru around so fast he becomes a helicopter rotor, then nabs Ton and starts to float away. Asuka’s mom asks Lum, who doesn’t want her darling taken away, to intervene, so she flies up and cuts the chain.

Asuka falls in the drink, and when she emerges, all she can do is prostrate herself before her awful, victorious mother and beg forgiveness. But of course, all of this was for naught. Asuka is no less afraid of men than she was at the beginning of this fiasco of a “date”, and the next morning she’s right back in Ton’s bed. No progress was made, and no lessons were learned. In other words, it was classic Urusei Yatsura!

Horimiya: Piece – 07 – Weird Is Wonderful

This episode once again reinforces how deep a bench of lovable wierdos Horimiya has at its disposal. We get more Sakura, which is never a bad thing, and she loves to unwind from studying with a manga, and is specifically addicted to Skull Ninja Konoha.

She’s so excited for the next issue that she can’t help but sing a little Konoha song on her way to the bookstore, only to be crestfallen when it’s already sold out. Fortunately, Yanagi Akane is there, having bought the last copy, and like an angel (or Kaoru-san from the manga) is willing to give it to her.

While Tooru is her primary crush throughout the first season, it can be said that Yanagi is pretty much everyone’s secondary crush. He’s a friend to all, and extremely popular due to his delicate good looks, to the point that girls Yanagi and Sakura pass by think they look like a couple.

When Sakura increases the gap between them, Yanagi is hurt and asks why. Sakura says it’s because he’s big with the ladies since he’s so cool…but Yanagi recalls all the times Sakura has supported her friends and tells her, with brutal honesty, that he’s sure she’s way cooler.

When Yuki is reading a popular Your Name. style LN about body swapping, she imagines pairs of her friends swapping personalities, which makes for some fun little moments and opportunities for the voice actors to have fun as well.

Later, while alone in the library (or at least she thought she was), Yuki slams her hands on a desk, startling Yanagi and making him drop his books. As she helps him pick them up, the backs of their hands touch and she notices how cold her hands are.

She decides to check out Tooru’s hands too, and finds that while they’re also initially cold, once he’s with her, they warm up like hers. It’s just one more sign that she and Tooru have such an effortless rapport and closeness with one another—and Yuki both does and doesn’t want to get closer still.

Kyouko only has a couple of lines this week, but what Izumi we do get is him being both a good protective senpai and someone who understands what his kohai is going through. Two of Sawada Honoka’s classmates through her scarf out the window, he asks her if she’s being bullied, and she nonverbally confirms it. This leads Izumi to glare up at the two girls and mouth “Die, uggos”

Contrary to what Sawada thinks of Izumi, he does know what it’s like to not have friends and feel alone. And he didn’t go around begging his friends to be his friends; it happened naturally over time as he met Kyouko and found things to talk about and laugh about with the others. He believes she’ll be fine too. The friends will come, or they’ll be missing out.

Sawada gets further support from Remi and Yuki, who admit that Sawada is a little weird, but as Remi puts it, “weird is wonderful”, and both she and Yuki say in unison that the other is weirder than Sawada. Sawada also simply has a better rapport with third-years than her own year, but that changes when she overhears the art club members not getting enough recruits.

Sawada takes it upon herself to move the poster to a more visible and high-traffic area. Turns out her classmates were mistaken about this bulletin board being just for third years, as President Sengoku even gives her a ride on his shoulders so she can move it. The art club girls hear from another classmate what Sawada did, and they thank her for it. Thus, a conversation is started, and Sawada finally forms a connection with her classmates.

It’s all very warm and cozy and sweet, and the episode is given the perfect capper: the ED for the anime adaptation of the in-universe manga Skull Ninja Konoha. Even better, the catchy ending theme is sung by none other than Sakura and Yanagi’s seiyuu, Kondou Reina and Fukuyama Jun! That’s a really nice touch.

Hell’s Paradise – 06 – Striking at the Gaps

Life, or rather death comes at you fast on this island. Genji may be a bit of a sexist oaf, but he only wanted to spare Sagiri the grisly death that may just await every person who arrived on the island. When Rokurota, the Giant of Bizen appears and mortally wounds him, Genji suspects that Eizen is already dead.

But in his final moments, Genji redeems himself by acknowledging Sagiri not as a woman or a man, but as a samurai embracing the middle way. He offers his sword to her, with the understanding that he is leaving his warrior’s soul in her care, for he can no longer wield it.

Gabimaru is having a hell of a time with Rokurota, who is more force of nature than man or monster. None of his ninjutsu have much of an effect on him, and Yuzuriha prefers to simply supervise while she has Senta pinned to a tree with kunai. Gabimaru just needs an opening, and Sagiri arrives just in time to provide just that.

Genji, Senta, Yuzuriha and Gabimaru all watch as Sagiri reveals just how skilled a fighter she is when she abandons fear and hesitation and embraces that middle way that is neither calm nor passion. As such, she’s able to parry Rokurota’s massive blows with her blade while Gabimaru summons his ninjutsu flames.

The intent isn’t to cause Rokurota direct harm by burning, but to poison him with the carbon monoxide created by the smoke. Since he’s so much taller than them and crying out, the rising smoke affects him more, and he ends up slouched over in a position in which Sagiri can properly behead him.

She enters a kind of zen plane, the stormy seas of her heart settle, and the bell on her tie sings as she strikes clean and true. The next we see her, she’s cradling Rokurota’s severed head in her arms, assuring him he doesn’t have to be afraid or sad anymore.

With the flames surrounding them and intensifying, there’s no time to go back for Genji, so Sagiri and Gabimaru escape the inferno and catch up to Yuzuriha and Senta, who have come upon a spooky village that appears to be Shinsenkyo, where supernatural hermits dwell.

Meanwhile, the brothers Choubei and Touma are able to successfully dispatch a number of the hulking monsters roaming their part of the island, but then they come across something completely different: two otherworldly, hauntingly beautiful people making out like their plane is going down.

When they notice the brothers, the couple shoot back looks that could—and very well might—kill. We’ve seen this lovey-dovey couple in the OP. I’m eager to find out what their whole deal is.

Hell’s Paradise – 05 – Choosing to Live, and How

Hell’s Paradise is not a show I thought would remind me of Laid-Back Camp, but when Sagiri wakes up in a cavern recovered from the butterfly poison, she finds a campsite where Gabimaru is making dinner, Senta is mending clothes, and Yuzuriha is “supervising”, AKA relaxing in a hammock. Needless to say the group dynamic has changed appreciably since she was last conscious!

While foraging for ingredients for kikatsugan (“starve pill”, a ninja ration), Gabimaru scouted the area with Senta, but found no sign of the Elixir of Life as illustrated in the shogunate flyer. Senta adds that this place doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, either ecologically or spiritually, but is like a “sick mandala” of malformed deities and creatures.

Still, Gabimaru posits that if such strange creatures thrive here, it’s not any more unrealistic for the Elixir to be here too. I also like how Gabimaru tells Yuzuriha he’s never heard of the Elixir before now…that’s a need-to-know basis and let’s face it, while she’s a cutie, Yuzuriha can’t be trusted!

As the sun sets on their first day on the island, Sagiri’s senpai Genji tells her he’ll take over the guarding of Gabimaru, and she should return to the mainland. After all, she’s a “daughter of the Yamada clan first, and a samurai second.” Genji deems her insufficiently strong enough for this island and for guarding Gabimaru. She’s better off going home and tending to her “womanly responsibilities.”

Genji may be an unrepentant misogynist (and his beliefs ignore how strong Yuzuriha is), but he’s a product of his time and upbringing. Another Asaemon guard, Tenza, has a similar relationship to his prisoner Nurugai as Sagiri and Gabimaru. Only in Nurugai is actually only guilty of being the sole survivor of a remote village that defied the Shogunate … simply by existing.

Tenza is done with the island, and is rowing Nurugai through the fog and back to the mainland where he’ll plead his case, but he’s also a samurai of limited knowledge of sea currents, and they end up in a shipwreck graveyard that is home to a colossal kraken-like, many-tentacled monster. As the sole survivor of a village of people who lived for the mountain and the village, Nurugai no longer sees a reason to remain alive.

But Tenza does, and even though Nurugai doesn’t dodge the tentacles, Tenza protects him by cutting through them. Tenza may be a bit of a simpleton, but in this situation, Nurugai need only answer one question: Does he want to live? He thinks of his life at his village and with his gramps, and realizes he does, and fights alongside Tenza to get back to the island.

Once there, the two are bloody messes, and when they disrobe to wash themselves on the beach, Tenza learns that Nurugai is a girl. I love the Dororo-like twist that I should have seen coming, but I love the chemistry of these two characters even more. They truly complement each other, and it will be hard not to root for them even if supposedly only one prisoner will be spared beheading.

Back at Sagiri’s camp, nothing she says gets through to Genji, probably because he only sees her as a walking womb playing at being a samurai. Senta’s position is more nuanced; he’d prefer if she returned purely for her safety, but also believes there’s something about her and Gabimaru that makes her the best, and possibly only, Asaemon who can keep him in line.

That night when she has the wach, Sagiri knows why that must be: the little cathartic moment the two shared that got them both to calm down and agree to cooperate. She and Gabimaru, who is also awake, have a neat little moment where they speak at the same time after a pause. She lets him speak, and he thanks her for calming him down so he can plan for the Iwagakure and work to get back to his wife.

When Sagiri calls him strong, he shocks her by saying so is she; stronger than him, and with a very practical strength. His village taught him you don’t know how strong you are until you’ve been through some shit, and Sagiri certainly has so far. I’m really enjoying the growing bond between these two.

Gabimaru’s words help galvanize Sagiri to refuse to leave the island the next morning when Genji urges her to do so. She prostrates herself in deference to her senpai, but also insists that after a life of being caught between the Yamada clan and his Asaemon father and the ridicule she got for being a woman samurai, she believes it’s her right to choose how she wants to life … and she wants to live as a samurai. Like Gabimaru, she’s done running from those who get in her way.

Genji still isn’t moved, and in fact flashes a cruel grin before drawing his sword. If she won’t listen to “reason”, he’ll demonstrate how ill-equipped she is to be on this island with his sword. Only before he can complete a slash, the sword disappears from his hands and ends up in Sagiri’s.

When he protests for having his “samurai’s heart” stolen, she reminds him he just said this was a battlefield, and tells him procuring weapons on the battlefield is fair game. Then the giant who killed his Asaemon guard suddenly appears behind them, and Genji gets cut nearly in half by his massive bare hand.

I’m confident in predicting Sagiri will be fine, as the others in their camp aren’t far away and would have a decent chance of slowing this guy down with teamwork. Also, Gabimaru has shown he’s willing to protect Sagiri when needed, just as she’s willing to let him get back to his wife. He’s also, ya know, immortal, so even if the giant lops off a chunk of him, he’ll be fine. But it’s still a tense situation to end the episode.

P.S. The OP is probably the best banger of the season.

Hell’s Paradise – 04 – I Have So Many Questions

This week we get little vignettes of the various convicts who have survived, starting with the Dragon Blade Tamiya Gantetsusai, who was appointed the officer of a lord. When the lord said that surely Tamiya couldn’t cut down a real dragon, Tamiya cut him and his house down. Now he’s on the island, accompanied by Fuchi, who among the Yamada Asaemon seems to be the most devoted to the dissection and medical research part of their clan’s job.

When the giant monsters appear, Gabimaru makes a business decision not to overthink things and simply kill first and ask questions later. Because of this, both he and Sagiri are able to live longer. He’s able to take immediate action to neutralize the threats before them, and he even rescues Sagiri from being killed because she’s so overwhelmed by the situation that she freezes.

That said, even Gabimaru is momentarily distracted to the point he almost gets killed, so he’s lucky to be bailed out by the kunoichi Yuzuriha (Takanashi Rie, killing it as always), who is in the running to be Best Girl of the Season. Not only is she extremely deadly, but she’s also funny as hell. She also makes sure to at least try to seduce Wife Guy Gabimaru to bring him under her control. She fails, but better to have failed than to have never tried.

Yuzuriha now has not one but two Yamada Asaemon minders, as the one who was assigned to another convict she tricked and killed believes she’s too dangerous to have only one Asaemon guard. She also proves she’s able to at least put Gabimaru into a position where he has to listen to her, but fortunately for him, she doesn’t want to kill him, she wants to work with him and Sagiri. The five of them have a better shot at finding the elixir than just Gabi and Sagiri.

As for Sagiri, she’s so overloaded by weirdness of this island that she ends up passing out, so it’s fortunate that Gabimaru isn’t a dishonorable fellow, and that Yuzuriha is accompanied by two of her clan-mates. The balance of the episode involves a unique pairing of convict and Yamada Asaemon guard: Aza Choubei and his little brother Touma, who became a Yamada Asaemon executioner for the express purpose of providing support to Coubei.

The two were once the sons of a powerful samurai, but when their father was disowned by his lord they became beggars, then bandits. Touma remarks on Choubei’s preternatural ability to assess and adapt to any situation that comes their way, and believes his older brother is always right. This pair, along with Tamiya Gantetsusai, will surely be tough customers to the new alliance of Gabimaru and Yuzuriha—but I trust them to rise to the challenge.

Hell’s Paradise – 03 – Where the Rules Don’t Apply

Last week’s rundown of all ten convicts and all ten Yamada Asaemon executioners was a little intimidating, and had me worried the runtime would be too split between characters, but we got a satisfying ratio – mostly Gabimaru and Sagiri with a nice sprinkling of the other pairs.

No sooner do they leave the boat (never get off the boat) than Gabimaru is kvetching about his binds. Sagiri puts her blade to his throat and makes something nice and sparkling clear: they’re not friends or allies, she’s his executioner, and he will obey the rules. I love his nonhalant sigh of “whatever”.

No sooner are the binds back on him than he’s walloped by a giant ball-and-chain launched from a fellow convict, Twisted Keiun. The former priest collects weapons, and the immortal Gabimaru is the perfect canvas upon which to test them. As for his Asaemon minder Kisho, he couldn’t be bothered to fight with Keiun about keeping his hands bound.

You get the sense that in Sagiri Gabimaru is with the most hardass and rules-obsessed of the executioners, when the rules of society never mattered anyway to the other convicts, on an island where there may be no rules whatsoever. In any case, Gabimaru makes relatively quick work of Keiun, and Kisho is free to head home and take a bath.

Before he does, he identifies Sagiri as the lowest ranked Asaemon, apparently not just due to her age, gender, or inexperience, but because she’s so damn rigid and by-the-book. Their duty isn’t to follow every one of the Shogun’s rules to the letter, but to accomplish their top priority: the Elixir of Life. If they have to bend or break a few rules to get it, it’s better than following them and failing.

Kisho also warns Sagiri both of Gabimaru and the other convicts, which is where the nice sprinkling comes in. The eyepatched Eizen-dono, who I assumed was one of the higher-ranked Asaemon, watches his sword shatter against the arm of his titanic convict Rokurota, and meets a sticky end.

There’s also a nice switcheroo where it seem like the courtesan will successfully seduce and devour her Asaemon, but she ends up losing her head. We got a decent, restrained sampling of these characters, heightening the danger and establishing them people to keep an eye on, without detracting from the Gabimari-Sagiri focus.

Kisho also mentions that nothing is set in stone here: this mission will determine the next leader Yamada clan (and we know it won’t be Eizen), while messengers have already been sent to Iwagakure to recruit more ninja to the cause should this group fail. It’s upon hearing this last piece of news that Gabimaru suddenly pulls a sword on Sagiri as soon as Kisho is gone.

Gabimaru has made clear his priority is to be reunited with his wife. He can’t do that if they fail, or if the Iwagakure arrive on the island, and he believes Sagiri will be a hindrance, so he tries to kill her. She, in turn, tries to kill him too, not just because he’s breaking the rules, but because he’s simply too dangerous to be kept alive.

But here’s the thing: despite numerous opportunities, neither of them are able to kill the other. The source of their hesitation is their emotions. Gabimaru may claim to be hollow, and that’s how he was raised. The village chief killed his parents when they requested to leave the village after Gabimaru was born.

The chief, the first to take the elixir and become immortal, believes emotions to be a weakness that keeps you from protecting that which is most precious to you. For Gabimaru, that’s his wife Yui, who ironically brought Gabimaru’s emotions back out, where he had to face them and be true to them, not deny or reject them as the chief maintained.

Doing so, Yui told him, is true courage—and he believed her. Because she’s 100% correct that Gabimaru can’t possibly be “hollow” when he blushes so much when she kisses him!

Sagiri and Gabimaru have the same issue, as they’ve become weaker not by failing to repress their emotions, but trying to do so. It’s ultimately self-defeating, and it’s why even though Sagiri is on her back and Gabimaru has his blade to her throat, his hand is stayed by an ethereal Yui. While it’s not really Yui, it represents his love for her, and his desire to live by her teachings.

Sagiri can sense Gabimaru won’t kill her, even if she can’t see Yui. She realizes that his harsh upbringing led him astray by insisting he was a hollow monster, when deep down he’s a human being with the same emotions she has. She sees him enduring the weight every time he uses his ridiculous killing skills.

When he starts to tear up and say if he’s this weak he’ll never be able to protect Yui, Sagiri tells him that’s not weakness, but the seed of strength—one that needs to be nurtured and cultivated. She speaks from experience, since observing him help her stop averting her gaze. As she slides the scabbard onto Gabimaru’s sword, she decides she’s willing to help him reclaim his life. If he can do so, it means there’s hope for anybody.

It’s a beautiful, cathartic ending to what felt like the culmination of a 1-2-3 punch of an introductory character arc that established the two of them. They’ve come out the other side still perhaps not quite friends nor allies, but as two people who understand each other, and more importantly who don’t want to kill one another. Whatever comes for them, they’ll face it together.

The episode actually could have ended there, but I’m glad it didn’t, as this “uncanny paradise” immediately rears its ugly head. It starts with a butterfly floats over the hand of Tamiya Gantetsusai, but he notices the insect has a human face and a stinger. He slices off his hand without hesitation, and flowers immediately sprout from it.

From there it’s game on, as swarms of butterflies circle above, creepy giant centipedes with human fingers as manibles twist about the ground, and a gargantuan monster with a priest’s staff rises from the treeline. Gabimaru and Sagiri’s little coming-to-Jesus moment is interrupted by…a fish dude. These creatures are legit weird and unsettling, and now that I’m so firmly on the side of both Gabimaru and Sagiri, I very much want to watch them kick some fish dude ass.

Hell’s Paradise – 02 – Bearing Your Burdens

It’s two impressive first outings in a row, as we delve into Sagiri’s brutal past as a girl raised in the Yamada clan. She regales us with the time she first saw her father behead a man. It was a storyteller who wanted to be executed while telling his story. Her father’s cut was so swift and clean, he kept telling the story after he was beheaded.

From that point onward, Sagiri vowed to develop that same flawless strike as her dad, but from the first head she separated from a condemned and every one thereafter, she felt the weight of fear and doubt in her swing. This is visualized quite creepily as the tortured ghosts of those she killed not only appearing in the reflection of her blade, but groping her naked body in her mind’s eye.

In other words, the Sagiri we saw last week was the same Sagiri she needed Gabimaru to see: a Sagiri without weaknesses or flaws. The reality is, she was only hiding those things. She, along with nine other Yamada Asaemon executioners, flank the 30-odd condemned prisoners gathered for the trip to “Paradise.” They present the only person who ever returned alive, but he’s changed, flowers sprouted from sores on his body, and he seems locked in a kind of blissful fugue sta

When one of the prisoners says “f— this” and tries to peace out, he’s immediately beheaded, with the implication that anyone else who puts a toe out of line will meet the same fate. The shogun also introduces another wrinkle: the prisoners will have to “reduce their numbers” because there’s only so much room on the boat to the island and only ten Asaemons.

A huge, bloody brawl ensues that enables us to get a glimpse of some of the other prisoners. They’re a colorful bunch, including a svelte, deadly kunoichi, a giant, an a cannibalistic courtesan. But when three of them looking to escape target Sagiri as the weakest of the samurai, she tells her elder colleague that she’s got this.

Back when she was stoned by kids for simply being one of the Yamada clan, she didn’t simply hide and cower; she picked up a rock and prepared to fight back. So too here, she lops the three charging prisoners’ heads off one by one.

The only one to not move throughout all of this may just be the most dangerous of all the prisoners: Gabimaru the Hollow. He approaches the shogun and tells him this is fucked up, but there’s no defying his decision. When other prisoners approach him with the intent to kill, he lets out a big exaggerated sigh, like they are totally putting him out…then he gets to work.

While last week we saw what he’s capable of when he uses ninjutsu, here he simply uses his bare hands and feet to tear through people like they’re made out of papier-mache. Fountains of blood spew from his vicious strikes, and prisoners fall left and right without being able to so much as touch him.

But what really gets to Sagiri is what he said before engaging in combat: he’s not immune to the weight of the lives he’s taking; he’s resolved to carry it. The key to perfecting her swordsmanship isn’t becoming strong enough to eliminate all fear and doubt; that’s impossible. Instead, she has to bear those burdens.

By the time Gabimaru’s rampage is over, he is one of only ten prisoners remaining, equalling the number of Asaemon. They then board the ship, pass through curtains of fog, and eventually their destination emerges. It is hauntingly beautiful, lush and filled with life. Killing a few rowdy prisoners on a beach will clearly be one of the easier things both Gabimaru and Sagiri have had to do compared to what awaits them on that island.

Gabimaru and Sagiri make for a compelling lead duo, and these episodes do a stellar job of giving us their backstories and motivations. Neither are mindless or perfect tools for killing as they appear on the surface, but feel like real people who have simply been through some shit. We’ll see how the island (not to mention the other Asaemon and prisoners) affects their dynamic.

Hell’s Paradise – 01 (First Impressions) – Do It for Her

The ninja Gabimaru, known as “Gabimaru the Hollow”, is ready to die. He’s killed countless people and claims to have no attachments to life. Leaving his home village of Iwagakure (which is forbidden), he finds himself condemned to death by a magistrate. But for whatever reason, he’s just…not able to die. No matter the method—swords, fire, bulls, oil—he endures.

A young and extremely focused inspector records events as they unfold and interviews Gabimaru nightly after the failed execution attempts. She gets the distinct feeling that all this “hollow” stuff may just be branding, and that Gabimaru is actually resisting death rather than wishing it would come and not being able to die.

Turns out Gabimaru has a wife back in Iwagakure. She alone treated him not like a tool for killing or a monster to be feared, but as her darling husband. She taught him how to act like a proper, normal spouse, and wanted nothing more than to live a simple life with him as his wife.

One day, Gabimaru is taken to a dark cellar where the inspector is waiting for him with katana in hand. Turns out she’s the Yamada Asaemon Sagiri, an elite executioner who answers only to the shogun. Unlike the previous methods of his demise that failed, Sagiri is fully capable of killing Gabimaru…if he let her. Instead, he simply proves her theory right by dodging her killing strikes.

He can vehemently insist he’s hollow and has no attachments to life, but words are wind, and his actions say otherwise. Once Gabimaru has stolen a guard’s katana and he and Sagiri have crossed blades for a while, she presents him with a full pardon from the Shogunate. Her mission here wasn’t to kill him, but to test and recruit him.

An island that once only existed in myth and legend has been found far to the southwest, and the Shogun believes the Elixir of Life can be found there. Sagiri was tasked with recruiting capable individuals on death row who have a strong will to live. And despite Gabimaru once leaving his wife, perhaps out of fear his line of work would endanger her, he most definitely still wants to live to see her again.

Sagiri knows this now, and formally invites Gabimaru to join her on this expedition. He’ll be competing against other criminals—the worst of the worst—as the pardon will only go to the one who finds the elixir.

The magistrate objects to surrendering his prisoner and has his guards threaten Sagiri, so Gabimaru grants her previous request to see some of his ninjutsu, and in the blink of an eye the guards are nothing but a pile of smoldering bodies. Knowing the gig is up, Gabimaru relents, and he and Sagiri have a deal.

It took a bit, and I have another episode to watch, but I finally got around to watching Hell’s Paradise, and I’m very glad I did. Just about everything about it works: the dialogue and direction, the animation and character designs, the music, and the dark humor.

Hanamori Yumiri excels as the sardonic, deadpan Sagiri, while Gabimaru is an instantly sympathetic character despite his bloody past. I know it won’t be easy by any means, as it entails going to paradise and back and not turning into flowers…but I want him to come home to his love.

Akiba Maid War – 07 – RocknPorkRolla

A week has passed since Nerula was gunned down in an alley, and Nagomi has run away from the Oinky Doink. The others, particularly Ranko, are worried about her, especially since Manami and the Maidalien war hawks aren’t finished. While Ranko is out distributing flyers, she spots a pink ninja who claims not to be Nagomi, but clearly is.

Since Nagomi insist’s she’s not Nagomi, Ranko tells this “mystery ninja” the situation: she and the Oinky Doink maids are worried about her. But if Nagomi fled out of fear to the oddly safer ninja café business, it wasn’t fear of being hurt or killed. It was fear of standing by and doing nothing while another friends of her dies.

This is a typical action movie protagonist pattern: after a great defeat, the hero withdraws, suffering a crisis of purpose. But outside forces, like Nerula’s grieving fans, conspire to bring her back to where she needs to be: at Oinky Doink, as the new kind of Akiba maid Nerula knew she could be.

But how? The ramen guy gives Nagomi the other piece of the picture to bring her around. It’s something he’s learned being in the ramen business with the reputation as someone whose ramen never changes: staying the same actually requires change. So Nagomi returns to the dojo and considers what that means.

That night, Manami and over two dozen of her henchmaids advance on Oinky Doink, outnumbering them over two-to-one. I knew Ranko and Zoya were worth ten of the average maid in fighting ability, but that’s still a lot of maids and a lot of bullets. The pig maids make use of homefield advantage and the element of surprise as much as they can, diverting and splitting up Manami’s maids.

This is the first time we see Shiipon and Yumechi in sustained action (their attack on the Sheep happening off-camera) but they handle themselves well. Even so, eventually the Maidaliens surround the Pigs, and Manami’s machine gun looks like a decisive advantage.

Ranko prepares to make a desperate charge to take Manami out or die trying (as far as she’s concerned protecting the café is worth it) but suddenly the elevator opens and a cloud of smoke gets off. Dozens of smoke bombs explode and disorient both sides. And through the smoke, Nagomin appears, prepared for battle.

With her almost preposterously hastily-acquired ninja skills, within seconds she’s disarmed Manami and claimed the machine gun for their side. Manami switches to her trademark bat, but once she’s in the pigsty, the maids of Oinky Doink and their ninja maid savoir are ready for her.

True to who she is, through the ensuing chaos, many bullets fly, but none of them from a gun held by Nagomi. Instead she uses the tools of the ninja trade, like kunai and nets, which buy her co-workers time to go on the offensive.

When the dust clears it’s just a wounded Manami and her lieutenant Miyabi, surrounded by the bodies of their fallen comrades. Miyabi gets Manami to retreat before they too are killed, but after Miyabi dresses Manami’s leg, Manami dismisses her and she departs in shame.

Nagomi shows up with Ranko as backup, and despite her sorry state Manami is still ready to throw down. But Nagomi isn’t there to fight. Nor is she there as a ninja. She’s a maid, and she reminds Manami what maids are truly all about: not dying in glorious battle, but serving their masters with moe moe kyun.

When Manami rises to shut the young whippersnapper up, Nagomi again uses her new ninja skills to lay the smackdown on Manami. Again, Nagomi demands that Manami feel the moe moe kyun, and she finally relents, deciding that pig hunting time is over.

Ranko lets Manami withdraw, and welcomes Nagomi back into the pigsty. But Manami gets a rude awakening back at Maidalien HQ. Not only did the boss Ugaki refuse to commit any more forces to this silly war, but she got all the Maidalien brass to agree to a merger with Creatureland.

Manami could not change like Nagomi did, and ends up gunned down by her former allies who are sick of her bloodlust. They want to make money, and they’ll make more if she’s dead than running around shooting people. So she meets her end in a swirling puddle of her own blood. Unfortunately for Oinky Doink, their next foe looks to be their own Creatureland masters.

This was a great step forward for Nagomi, but it wasn’t perfect. I kinda wish Manami had stuck around a bit, as small a chance as redemption for someone her would have been. Also, the animation of the raid, aside from some fun moments, was also surprisingly underwhelming, considering what I know the show is capable of from the premiere and the MMA episode.

Gibiate – 02 – Lights Out

Remember my comment about being able to feel the enthusiasm of the assembled talent emanating from the first episode? Yeah, that wasn’t the case this week, as Gibiate joins the list of anime I won’t be continuing this Summer. It’s a disappointing, but unavoidable cut considering its misfires.

However, things start out okay, with Kathleen recording Sensui for posterity, then sparring with him to determine his ability. He’s pretty good, and is even trained in Western swordsmanship. If only he had a more worthy opponent than the Gibia.

I also like the explanation both for Sensui and Kenroku’s RPG glow-up and Kathleen’s own cheerful attire: in such dark times, one must look as awesome as possible. This means Sensui not looks very much like a lone-wolf FF protagonist. Kenroku now rocks blue hair, making the two more discernable from a distance.

There’s also a beat where Kathleen’s mom—an Edo-period history buff, which is kinda convenient—informs Sensui how his lord and guardian ended up dying. Sensui carries the guilt of not being by his lord’s side at his end…ignoring the fact the lord sent him off into exile for his own missteps. I imagine Sensui didn’t even consider that betrayal.

Despite a relatively solid first half involving character interactions in the light, Kathleen and Senroku mostly remain ciphers while Sensui is your typical stoic honorable samurai. Then the lights of the camp go out and all hell breaks loose…and unfortunately not in a good way.

First, the ease of the Gibia’s attack calls into question how this camp even survived as long as it did. This night doesn’t seem any different than previous nights other than the fact Sensui and Senroku have joined the survivors, so I guess that’s when the plot decides it’s time to expose the camp’s many many logistical and tactical flaws.

“No backup lights or power” is pretty egregious. “Guards firing off all their ammo in all directions” is another. The supposedly brilliant Yoshinaga deciding to burn the camp to create light that will repel the Gibia, only for fire to be too dim to make any difference. Of course, all of this is overridden by an unavoidably fatal flaw: the Gibia designs and CGI is embarrassingly horrible.

This camp looks utterly doomed if it wasn’t for Sensui stepping up with the katana Maeda finally gets to him, but only after the old man suffers wounds we know will eventually turn him into a Gibia. When there’s a Gibia with armor too thick, Senroku tosses a grenade at it. Oddly, the blast disables the Gibia but doesn’t hurt Sensui—who was standing right there.

The Gibia attack that must have claimed at least a quarter of the already fewer than 100 survivors. And yet only one person gets a hero’s sendoff, complete with cheesy Casino keyboard music: Maeda, who we barely knew. There’s no accounting for how many others were lost or whether this whole camp thing can continue.

There’s also the little matter of Gibia being a virus, and that by slashing them left and right like a crazed banshee, Sensui gets their blood and guts and other fluids all over the damn place. Isn’t that, like, a problem? Never mind; this episode has killed by enthusiasm for continuing with Gibiate. Which is a shame, because the first episode had so much potential.

Gibiate – 01 (First Impressions) – Samurai Pandemico

Okay, this might not seem like the best time for an anime about a goddamn pandemic, but there are times when battling literal monsters seems preferable to the current sociopolitical situation, and it looks like Gibiate will have plenty of that, so let’s dig in, shall we?

It’s 2030, and a virus that transforms humans into monsters has spread across the globe (likely hastened by anti-maskers). Kathleen Funada is one of only one hundred people in all of Tokyo who hasn’t been infected.

There’s an immediate realism and intimacy to introducing her via a home video diary of events for posterity. And despite her idolish appearance, her gloom is palpable, and reflected in the de-saturated palette.

Meanwhile, all the way back in 1600, samurai Kanzaki Sensui and ninja Sanada Kenroku are on a boat leaving Edo. Both have been exiled; Sensui because he took the blame for his lord’s strategic blunder; Kenroku for murdering a motherfucker (who apparently deserved it).

When they’re caught in a horrific electrical storm, they both pass out and wake up in Edo, now Tokyo, 430 years later. Definitely some shades of Kuromukuro, which I enjoyed quite a bit, and potential for amusing fish-out-of-waterage (and samurai ownage).

The two wander the strange streets until they encounter a man who transforms into a bizarre beast (the CGI is merely passable). With no weapons, the pair can only do so much, but they’re fortunately saved by Kathleen, armed with a heavy-duty taser.

Sensui and Kenroku accept a ride with Kathleen and an old man named Maeda, neither of whom doubt the origin of the two very traditionally dressed and spoken men. By the same token, the pair aren’t particularly freaked out by the “wagon” that’s faster than any horse. They learn they’re in what was once Edo, and that the monsters are called Gibia.

Maeda gets dropped off to grab a katana he owns so Sensui can be useful, while Kathleen drives them to the camp where what’s left of Tokyo’s uninfected hold out. She introduces them to her mom, whom she later laments is so “mentally broken” she can’t tell humans and Gibia apart.

They then meet Kathleen’s boss, Professor Yoshinaga, who is trying to develop a cure for the virus and end the last two years of misery. He may look like a Final Fantasy villain (thanks to awesome character design by Yoshitaka Amano), but Sensui also looks particularly “Amano-y”, so I’ll trust that both of them are good guys for now, and just ridiculously cool-looking.

The professor warns Sensui and Kenroku to avoid being stung lest they want to be Gibia themselves, and if they can hear the sound of drops of water inside their head, it’s a sign they’re already infected. Interestingly enough, the first scene in the episode is Kathleen in a bathtub listening to water drip out of the shower head.

In addition to the Amano design, the OP theme was composed by the Yoshida Brothers, and many other eminent Japanese creatives are involved in its production. It feels more like there’s more passion and sincerity than calculation and cynicism behind this project.

Gibiate is a fun grab bag of classic anime tropes, and I’m already stoked to see how two vintage warriors can contribute to the cause. While it’s too early to tell if it will add up to more the sum of its myriad parts, it is nevertheless a very well-executed piece of entertainment, balancing the dreary bleakness of its future with the occasional vivid flash of hope.

DanMachi II – 09 – Your Hero is Here

After stewing in self-hatred for a quick spell, Bell regains the nerve to rescue Haruhime despite the consequences. Mikoto is with him; they’ll get yelled at later together, but with Hestia, Lili and Welf stopped at the gates, the two are on their own. Mikoto will sneak her way to where Haruhime is being held, which will require a diversion.

Bell provides that diversion by rushing the front door and spamming Firebolt at the waves of Amazons who come at him. That only works for so long, especially once a dual-wielding Phryne enters the phray. At her Level, she can swat his Firebolts away like flies. He’s “saved” by Ishtar, who figures it’s time to deflower the Little Rookie, but to her dismay he’s immune to divine charms—even hers.

Freya, another goddess whose divine charms are wasted on Bell, gets a report about Isthar Familia’s movements and starts to move, while it looks like Hestia’s party will also get in, just not in time to help save Haruhime (I imagine they’ll serve as the cavalry later). Mikoto gets to Haruhime, who continues to believe herself unworthy of being saved by a hero due to her profession. Mikoto isn’t hearing it. She’s getting rescued.

That means Mikoto has to go up against Samira, who’s a Level higher and batters her with her bare hands and feet. With Haruhime’s execution imminent, Mikoto pulls out some ninja trickery, pulling Samira into a hug and releasing a huge magical discharge before falling over the side of the building.

The rest is up to Bell, who deflects the killing blow of the woman tasked with killing Haruhime, and shatters the Killing Stone, rendering the ritual impossible. It’s yet another thrilling episode from a show that has proven time and again it knows how to pull off epic action. Mikoto really shone this week; I hope she’s okay.

As for Bell, well…maybe he can quickly get leveled up by Haruhime and at least hold his own until the cavarly arrives? ‘Cause he ain’t charming those Amazons off that roof…not after he just torpedoed their chances of beating Freya.

The Rising of the Shield Hero – 05 – Lute Grand Prix

We haven’t yet seen Queen Melromarc, as she’s currently in another castle, but it’s clear she’s staying on top of things, as evidenced by the detailed report given by one of her ninja (for lack of a better word).  That report also confirms that Malty has been putting her father up to some actions of which the Queen is not a fan. Say, continuing to treat the Shield Hero like garbage based on Malty’s false accusations of rape.

The King tries to cheat Naofumi out of his 500 silver-piece Wave reward (only an eighth of the Spear Hero’s take) by charging him for removing Raphtalia’s slave crest. Once again Amaki and Kawasumi come to Naofumi’s defense—or at least the side of justice and fairness. Thanks to their protests, Naofumi gets his 500 pieces and, at Raph’s urging, peaces out.

Their first errand upon leaving the palace is for Raphtalia to get a tattoo have her slave crest re-activated, at her request, as a symbol of his faith in her. One would think if he had faith he wouldn’t need a real crest, but Raphtalia is insistent. Naofumi also buys a gatcha-style lottery egg, from which either a filolial (chocobo) chick hatches.

Naofumi also learns that some of the merchants in the capital had connections to Lute Village, and even if they’re still on the fence with him as a person, they can’t deny he saved their loved ones. Their personal honor demands they reward him, whether it’s with a book on advanced medicines (which he can’t yet read) or a magical grimoire (which the mage warns will be tough to learn).

The filolial chick, whom Naofumi somewhat unimaginatively names “Filo”, eats ravenously and quickly grows to full size within two days, enabling him to ride her. They travel to Lute Village, and not soon thereafter Malty and Motoyasu also arrive.

Malty is clearly in control here as she reads a royal decree that anyone who enters or exits the village will have to pay an exorbitant amount (equal to 100 nights at the inn, food included). Naofumi is there to make a stink about it, but Malty wants her tax, and Motoyasu isn’t about to deny her.

Who does swoop in to deny her, however, are her mother’s ninja. They deliver a scroll to Malty that pisses her off when she reads it, and takes it out on Naofumi by challenging him to a race: her Motoyasu’s dragon vs. Naofumi’s filolial.

Motoyasu mocks Filo right up until Filo kicks his balls halfway to the next kingdom. Filo looks supremely confident she can beat the dragon, so all that remains is to what extent Malty will try to hamper that victory by cheating.

And once the race starts, boy does she ever cheat. Her soldiers cast magical spells that benefit Motoyasu and his slow-ass dragon three times, and Flio still manages to win by a beak. I gotta say, I’m quickly growing weary of Malty’s shtick: all she needs is a mustache to twirl.

Thankfully, Malty is taken down a peg or two this week, both when the other two heroes help Naofumi, and when the Queen’s ninja confirm that she and her men cheated. Her comeback is that “We’ll leave for now, but this isn’t over!” Groan. Naofumi needs better antagonists, or for the existing ones to find a new tune.

As for Filo, she balloons in size right after the race. Rather than have rumors spread of taking Lute’s rebuilding funds, Naofumi accepts an old wagon as a reward—a wagon that Raphtalia has trouble riding in without getting motion sickness. They rest beside a tree for the night, but when morning comes it brings with it a surprise: Filo has transformed into a human—a loli, no less—who is, predictably, hungry. And then there were three.