Kaguya-sama: Love is War – The First Kiss That Never Ends – 04 (Fin) – Ordinary Things

Chika’s Christmas party at her house is appropriately bizarre in the decor, costumes, and rituals, though she and her sister Moeha do their best to explain how it came to be so. Yuu and Miko attend Tsubame’s party, while Nagisa and Tsubasa prepare for a cozy, intimate night together. But Miyuki’s patience for Fujiwara strangeness is vanishing fast. He wants to clear the air with Kaguya ASAP, but is bereft of openings.

When the time for drawing lots for gift exchange takes place, Miyuki curses himself for buying his gift, a boring handkerchief, at the last minute, and hopes dearly that the gift he gets from Moeha (who rigged the gave so this was the case) is weird. It turns out to be handcuffs, and he’s overjoyed, even as Kei and Chika scold Moeha. Eventually, the Fujiwara sisters and Kei nod off, and it’s clear Miyuki wasn’t the only one waiting for an opportunity.

In Chika’s yard, Kaguya presents Miyuki with a gift she brought just for him; she tells him to open it when he gets home, and we never actually get to see what it is, only that we know Kaguya is good at giving gifts. Miyuki admits he has a gift for her too, but before Kaguya can take it, he pulls it back, saying it’s a no good last-minute present.

When Kaguya insists, he tricks her and bolts, but having already proven her athleticism, she’s soon hot on his trail. She can’t afford to let the President get away, for she believes that within that box is the weak side of Shirogane Miyuki she’s been longing to see.

They come to a stop in an unlit, nondescript park, panting from their exertion. Kaguya accuses Miyuki of not wanting to show her his weak side because he hates “harsh women with horrible personalities” like her. She revealed her true self—warts and all—because she didn’t want to keep secrets from the person she loves. Sharing their weak sides will help them understand each other better and bring them closer.

But Kaguya is mistaken: it isn’t that Miyuki hates her. It’s that he believes, and his upbringing informs this, that you can’t show weakness to the one you love, or that person may become disillusioned or find you unacceptable.

He also calls into question Kaguya’s characterization of herself. While he initially thought she looked down on people, as he watched her he realized she was intentionally isolating herself to avoid hurting others, which he found sweet. He never thought her “weak side” was weak at all.

But as he goes on about how hard he has to work to look cool, unlike her, Kaguya loses patience and once again tries to grab her Christmas present from him. She manages to tear the paper away, and the gift within is a finely-made wooden cup-and-ball.

While Kaguya is initially bemused, Miyuki’s flustered answer for why he got her a cup-and-ball moves her to laughter, which is so beautiful to hear it doesn’t come off as mocking, only mirthful. She also asks him if she looks “disillusioned” like he’d feared.

With the gift revealed, and with it a piece of Miyuki’s weak side, he and Kaguya sit on a park bench together. He laments how plain and unromantic the setting is for Christmas Eve, but Kaguya tells him this is what she wants. Lights and balloons are lovely, but to her, ordinary things are plenty romantic.

She scootches closer, asks Miyuki what a couple would do at a time like this, and Miyuki draws her into a second kiss—one with no tongue at all—and yet still makes both their hearts race like crazy all the same.

A monologue from Kaguya follows, in which she vows not to hide who she is, and asking Miyuki to show her all that he is, and she’ll accept it. To not have anything to hide is romantic. To be an ordinary girl doing ordinary things with her ordinary boyfriend, that’s the pinnacle for Shinomiya Kaguya.

After their kiss, the two blush and hold hands, and discuss things a little further. Kaguya would rather Miyuki not overdo it in his efforts to be his best self, but also recognizes that if the two of them hadn’t aimed so high, they wouldn’t have found one another like they have now.

With the understanding that they may have to keep aiming high and working hard, she offers the following: that they’ll take the occasional break together; be there for each other when one of them is about to collapse; hold their cold hands together until they become warm. Then Miyuki asks if Kaguya is fine having a guy like him, and she says, flat out, yes.

Their beautiful ordinary romantic moment is interrupted by a call from Chika calling them back to the party, but on their way back Kaguya notices that the cloth in the cup-and-ball box is of very high quality, and realizes it’s the perfect size and shape to tie her hair up. She does so, and Miyuki tells her she looks cute.

Before parting that night, Kaguya asks Miyuki to spare a day on his winter break for her so they can have a date. When they meet up, she’s shocked he’s out of uniform, as she’d worn hers so they could match.

No matter; they head out hand-in-hand, see a movie holding hands, share a drink with a lover’s straw, and even get all close and cozy behind some vending machines when they spot friends, no doubt wanting to keep this day for them and only them.

Though her exchange with a fortune teller (and Miyuki’s dad), we learn that things escalated quickly for Tsubame and Yuu, with them even ending up in bed together, but it didn’t seem to work out too hot. While it would have been nice to see things unfold, the bottom line is this is a Kaguya and Miyuki story, so I’m glad it didn’t stray from that.

When the coast is clear, Miyuki takes Kaguya’s hand and they run to safety, out to a gorgeous sunset that’s all too ideal for the confession Kaguya’s been waiting to deliver. She takes his hands, says she’s in love with him, and asks him to be her boyfriend.

Miyuki responds with a simple “Fine,” but only after an interminable, torturous pause during which the narrator waxes poetic about the trials and tribulations of love, and how it is only blissful until it is attained, and then all downhill from there.

But he amends that tack by admitting that a true, deep, lasting love may be attainable, assuming both parties use their minds and keep thinking about each other, and keep striving to understand one another. If any two people in the world can achieve true love, it’s Kaguya and Miyuki.

It’s a beautiful sentiment, and ending things with Kaguya laying another big ol’ smootch on her new boyfriend made for a perfect ending, cementing Kaguya-sama: Love is War as my all-time favorite anime romance.

RABUJOI WORLD HERITAGE LIST

Kaguya-sama: Love is War – The First Kiss That Never Ends – 03 – Dropping the Masks

Kaguya remains in Icy Mode, but her ice melts a little when she spots another one of Miyuki’s classic homemade bento boxes, a callback to the very first episode. Unlike that time, she’s determined to try a bite, and so loudly proclaims her hunger.

As she rejects Chika and Miko’s offers of food (and they both run off crying), Miyuki, who is sporting dark bags under his eyes from lack of sleep, insists that he “man up” and offer Miyuki a bite. But his octopus weiner slides off the toothpick, and a swooping Kaguya’s mouth closes on his finger instead.

When he tells her there’s ketchup on her face, she locks both his hands in hers and tells him to clean it off. Again Miyuki enters a “man up” spiral, and it eventually overwhelms him, causing him to faint and collapse. This is the reverse of what happened when Miyuki touched Kaguya’s cheek removing lint from her hair, which in hindsight should have been a hint of what (and who) was to come.

As for Ice Kaguya, she’s done, and wants to tag out with SD Idiot Kaguya, presented as her waking her up from a nap, the lump on her head from the gavel strike still fresh. Ice Kaguya tells her all she can do is hurt those close to her by being who she is, a personality forged in the crucible of a hard upbringing.

She’d known that her “true self” was harmful to others for quite a while. Her name and family brought people before her with ease, but all of them ran from her crying in the end. She resigned herself to solitude, enduring the loneliness because at least she wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Then she met Miyuki and fell in love with him. But now she’s hurt him too, with her aggresive, selfish, antagonistic, ugly self. so she wants to tag out and leave it to SD Idiot Kaguya, who can be kind to him. But Idiot Kaguya refuses.

She won’t let Icy Kaguya give up on her dream to kiss Miyuki. It goes without saying, but Kona Ali is so, so good throughout this scene, carrying on a conversation with herself.

When Icy says she doesn’t care, “Ribbon” Kaguya joins SD Kaguya in telling her that all of them (being Kaguya’s various personas) share the same dream, and all of them would die happy if the most high-maintenance, unpleasant of them achieved that dream.

The other two Kaguyas take Icy Kaguya’s hands in theirs, offering their support for her. When Kaguya leaves her mindspace, Miyuki is finally coming to, and that’s when Kaguya-sama legend (and unapologetic romantic) Doctor Tanuma Shouzou and his Nurse arrive to diagnose the problem.

As Ai comforts a thoroughly distraught Kaguya, saying all they can do right now is pray the President will be okay, Dr. Tanuma pretty quickly concludes that Miyuki, like Kaguya before, is suffering from heartsickness. At first, Miyuki doesn’t take this diagnosis seriously, but when told he can spill his guts to them without fear, he proceeds to do just that.

Like Kaguya, Miyuki has been hiding his true self. Also like Kaguya, he hates that true self. In her case, it’s a prickly, poisonous person who hurts anyone she tries to get close to. In his case, it’s a worthless failure. When Miyuki failed to get into a fancy kindergarten or elementary school, he could feel his mother losing interest in him. Then she left him and his dad and sister.

Miyuki admits that it was the hope his mother would return if he got his act together and started working his butt off. But then he encountered Kaguya, who was at the top of the class, embraced bravado as his StuCo senpais suggested, challenged her to a ranking duel, and won. It’s only natural for him to believe if he ever slipped up again, she’d leave him like his mom did.

Carrying on that social mask has caused a tremendous strain, and Dr. Tanuma asks if he could just lighten up and take it easy, but Miyuki rejects this. He believes to make Kaguya fall for him and stay in love with him, he has to “go far enough to collapse once or twice.”

This is where the Nurse steps in, much to Tanuma’s chagrin, and tells Miyuki what he needs to hear: that Kaguya was pale and worried as she sat by his bed. It always “gets to her” when she sees a gung-ho kid in a moment of weakness, and believes Kaguya feels the same.

Sure enough, it is, because Kaguya and Ai are eavesdropping on the session. Kaguya admits she loves the Miyuki who gives his all and achieves, but like the nurse she also doesn’t mind seeing him vulnerable. In any case, now she knows both of them are wearing masks, and being cowardly about exposing their true selves.

This is where Ai comes in and once again proves she’s the sneaky MVP of the whole series. Donning a paper Miyuki mask and armed with an open text line to a recovered Miyuki back home, she plays the role of Miyuki so Kaguya can practice being open and honest with him.

Ai texts Miyuki that Kaguya wants to be kinder to him, but her pride gets in the way. Kaguya then asks Ai questions she wants Miyuki to answer, and Miyuki starts to catch on. Even if he doesn’t know Kaguya is right next to Ai, Ai is close enough to know Kaguya better than anyone, so the text conversation feels genuine and stimulating.

When they kissed on the clock tower, Kaguya was heart-burstingly happy and thought it would last, but became devastated by the prospect of him never showing her all of him. That’s why she’s decided she’ll be the one to confess, and to tell him that she loves all of him, not just the overachieving President Shirogane.

Ai relays to Miyuki that Kaguya seeks a relationship in which neither she nor he hide their souls. But Miyuki is still convinced his “obsequious, cowardly, inept” true self simply won’t cut it, and he vows never to show it to Kaguya as long as he lives.

Instead, as the clock ticks to 12:00 midnight on Christmas Eve, he enters his room plastered with notes on how to win Kaguya’s heart, mans his desk, and prepares for another all-nighter of planning his romantic redemption. I just hope it doesn’t lead to a romantic impasse.

Kaguya-sama: Love is War – The First Kiss That Never Ends – 02 – Scent of a Shinomiya

When Kaguya woke up from her nap in Ice Princess Mode, I thought she had somehow reverted to a Pre-In Love with President state, when she closed her heart to everyone. Miyuki, meanwhile, assumes Kaguya is in a weird-to-bad mood because of the kiss. Turns out we were both wrong!

This version of Ice Kaguya retains her feelings for Miyuki, but she has the same aloof, hostile demeanor as Pre-Love Ice Kaguya. As such, her words and actions continually baffle Miyuki, who had gotten used to a far softer and more vulnerable Kaguya.

When she brings up their kiss the other day, she downplays its importance, saying she’d kiss anyone if she was in the mood, then walking up to him and asking if he wants to kiss right there and then. She waits and waits, then opens her eyes to see he’s waiting, and whaps him with a harizen.

The narrator reminds us that Kaguya is the product of strict, Spartan Shinomiya upbringing, where she was taught to adopt whatever masks she needed to achieve the family credo: Rely on no one; instead, use them. Do not receive; take. Do not love. There is no instead.

When her phone dies, Miyuki walks her home, but despite her numerous attempts to point out how cold her hands are, Miyuki is still too confused by her behavior thus far he’s unsure of what to do. This in turn just makes Kaguya more disappointed.

She hails a cab, essentially tells him he had one job and he failed, and throws him the much-loathed “How Cute” before being driven off. Miyuki feels like an utter failure of a man and now believes Kaguya doesn’t want to date him. But in the taxi, we see that Kaguya is also feeling low, because she didn’t get what she wanted.

The next day, Kaguya is still wearing her hair down. She again demonstrates she’s not the Ice Kaguya of yore by teasing Yuu about another makeup application session, and listens approvingly to Chika’s Christmas party plans. When Miyuki asks Yuu if Kaguya is acting differently, he says no, because she isn’t…not towards him, at least.

Kaguya came to school with a mission: to conquer her man. To that end, she applies what must be extremely expensive perfume in the bathroom. Upon emerging she crosses paths with Miko, who tells her perfume isn’t allowed. That’s when Kaguya goes full Tigress Mode, all but gathering Miko in her jaws and having a playful little chew.

Kaguya sensually applies the perfume to Miko as well, telling her she’s sure to conquer the man she likes as well (obviously oblivious that the guy she likes is Yuu). She has complete control until 1.) Miko points out it kinda smells like old woman perfume, and 2.) Miyuki approaches Kaguya to speak to her.

Kaguya bolts without warning, and Miyuki chases her around the school. Clearly her heart is in great shape as her celebrity doctor indicated, because Kaguya is able to easily evade Miyuki with kick returner speed, deft acrobatics and a dash of parkour. I love how Ai opening a window is so perfectly timed to her mistress’ superhuman leap.

When Kaguya encounters a locked door, Miyuki approaches from behind her, and she’s cornered. She warns him to stay away, and at this point he’s sure she hates his guts, but simply wants to know why. Of course, the reason has nothing to do with hating him (she doesn’t) and everything to do with timing.

The narrator explains that her perfume takes 30 minutes to reach its optimal fragrance. However, thanks to the chase, she’s sweating profusely, and realizes it’s actually hit the much-sought-after “Heart Note”. She tells Miyuki her mood today has been a product of her wish to suppress  the “absurd side” of her that got “a bit carried away.”

She admits it’s that side that agreed to go abroad with him, and gave him that adult kiss. When she approaches him for another kiss, he protests that a kiss shouldn’t be so causal, and she kicks him. Miyuki then proceeds to assess all of the changes in her demeanor and personality, stating that he’s simply worried about her.

However, what makes Kaguya happiest is that he notices how amazing she smells since she’s wearing perfume, something he knows she never does. He then goes on to tell her he now realizes that her going on about how cold she was was her way of asking to hold hands, and when he didn’t, that’s what made her mad. Hearing him realize this many hours late, she runs off with her hands on her face.

The love is still in there, it’s just a matter of Miyuki and Kaguya synching up in terms of timing. They both seek advice from others: Miyuki talks with Maki, and Kaguya with Nagisa. For her part, Nagisa is amazed and delighted that Kaguya is dropping the “my friend” act and being open about loving the President, and even confessing to “feeling perverse” when around him.

Miyuki, meanwhile, isn’t ready to spill the beans and uses “my friend” when talking to Maki. But because Maki and Kaguya are from the same family, Maki can totally relate to the behavior Miyuki is describing. She can tell Miyuki’s “friend” is hiding her feelings behind all the assertiveness and hostility.

Once Maki has absorbed enough information, she eventually realizes that Miyuki is talking about Kaguya, and she runs off to Yuu, feeling betrayed. As for Nagisa, she indulges Kaguya by telling her the story of her first kiss, an unexpected one, in front of a convenience store while waiting for a green light to cross the street one summer night.

While Nagisa didn’t think it was that romantic, Kaguya smiles, saying it sounded like it was lovely. She’s had the extremely over-the-top romantic kiss atop the clock tower. But what she wants more than anything in the world is an “ordinary” kiss, like Nagisa’s first. She wants an ordinary romance.

The thing is, that’s probably what Miyuki wants too. Still under the tree where Maki left him, Miyuki finally gives in to fatigue (he hadn’t slept the night before) and nods off against the trunk. Kaguya happens to arrive there just as he’s about to fall onto his side, but she catches his head, lays it in her lap, and gently caresses his lip.

The narrator pipes up once more to describe Ice Kaguya’s true, seemingly contradictory nature: the manifestation of the wariness everyone has toward one another, and the cowardly heart of one who is in love. The narrator declares Kaguya the loser, as she’s no longer there when Miyuki wakes up.

We’re now halfway through the tale that began with an adult kiss that opened up a Pandora’s Box of emotions, insecurities, and doubts, but also new possibilities and desires. Sorting them all out was never going to be easy, but despite all the resultant turmoil and misinterpretations and delayed realizations, Kaguya and Miyki’s love for one another continues to endure; like a calm and patient ocean just below the seething waves.

Kaguya-sama: Love is War – The First Kiss That Never Ends – 01 – Shinominity War

The First Kiss That Never Ends was a film released in December, just in time for its Christmas timline, but I’m only now getting around to watching it, which I’m doing in four segments. In this first, Kaguya gradually realizes through both Ai and Nagisa that the kiss she gave Miyuki was far more advanced than she thought.

As a result of this horrifying realization and the ensuing sleep deprivation, upon returning to the student council room the next morning, she arrives having devolved into a super-deformed “Little Kaguya”, which Chika explains is an ultra-rare version of Kaguya and result of a perfect storm of circumstances.

While he admits this version of Kaguya is cute as hell, Miyuki dearly wanted to speak to a halfway sentient Kaguya about the previous night…and that kiss. Alas, all he’s able to do is stoop to her level, adopting a super-deformed “Lil’ Miyuki”.

I love how, like Hobbes in Calvin and Hobbes, the two look different depending on the POV of the person looking at them. In this case, Miko walks in to find the two dopily repeating one another’s names and looking like complete lobotomy patients.

We take a break from that ghoulish vapidity shift to the Miko-Yuu-Tsubame triangle, which was starting to get some serious legs at the end of last season. We even find Miko obliged to return Yuu’s obscene and contraband Mid Jump book to him, only for him to refuse and promise to bring more in.

This results in what a passing Tsubame calls a “classic school brawl. She asks Yuu if he’ll come to her house for Christmas and he immediately agrees. Miko protests, but Tsubame intended to invite her as well, as she’s having a party (not a threesome or an orgy, as Miko initially feared).

Later, when Chika invites Yuu to her Christmas party as a mere formality, assuming the loner has nothing else to do, Miko backs him up by confirming they both already have plans. When Yuu says she won’t be a thorn in his side, she agrees to join him at Tsubame’s party.

Unless Chika cancels her party or merges it with Tsubame’s it’s a certainty that the Student Council will be split on Christmas Eve. Beyond that, Tsubame knows she owes Yuu an answer to his confession in three months, which just happens to be how long items in the lost-and-found box are supposed to stay before being claimed. That’s where Miko puts the heart pendant.

Speaking of split, the balance of the episode takes place within the troubled mind of a sleeping Kaguya, where four distinct parts of her personality participate in yet another courtroom drama. After the SD (Stupid) Kaguya is sentenced to death by prosecutor (Cold-as-Ice) Kaguya with no objections by defener (Normal) Kaguya, presiding Judge (Child) Kaguya gets everyone back on track. Koga Aoi puts on a clinic voicing the four.

They end up resolving two of the issues rather amicably: on their relationship with the President (more than a friend, less than a lover) and on studying abroad with him (yes). But it’s the “grown-up kiss” issue that causes complete disorder in the court. Cold-as-Ice Kaguya has heard enough from the others, angrily declaring she is the one who fell for the President first and the only one seriously thinking about their future.

Cold-as-Ice castigates the other “Kaguya-come-latelys” for their arrogance and for taking all this so lightly and recklessly, and even beans SD Kaguya right in the face with the judge’s gavel. This causes a short-circuit and auto-shutdown of the entire trial…which can’t be good.

It isn’t, because the Kaguya that wakes up is no longer the combination of all those personalities, it’s just Cold-as-Ice Kaguya! To drive that point home, her cute hair ribbon comes undone and her hair flows straight down, and her eyes are narrow and devoid of the normal Kaguya’s glimmer.

Miyuki never had a chance to talk to the Kaguya who French kissed him, and now he’s faced with the version of Kaguya who decried that kiss and would have instead waited for him to kiss her, something that arguably might never have happened!

It’s a very solid first act: starting with the immediate aftermath of the previous season, laying out possible developments to come, then introducing the main conflict that must be battled and ultimately resolved in later acts, likely after no small amount of struggle…and fantastically artistic and creative visuals.

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War – Ultra Romantic – 11 – Changing With the Colors of the Sky

It’s the final day of the festival, which means it’s the final day for Kaguya to tell the president how she feels and the final day for him to wait for her to tell him before he tells her how he feels. At first there’s that same old hesitation, as she visits Miyuki at his class’ balloon sculpture booth and wastes a perfectly good opportunity to swap hearts by meekly offering him cold hard cash for a balloon heart and running away. Frankly, it’s a wasted segment, as we knew there was no way there’d be a confession so early.

Since Yuu’s fate is so important for creating an atmosphere where romance is welcome rather than rejected (in favor of an atmosphere of commiseration should Tsubame outright reject him), not to mention this is the second-to-last episode, it’s important for this storyline to edge towards resolution. Tsubame is worried if she dates Yuu she’ll devote her entire self to him (as opposed to the countless suitors who want a casual but low-stakes good time).

When she reaches out to Kaguya for advice on how to say know, at first Kaguya gives her her boilerplate “wipe that lustful look of your face, you swine!” and tells her what won’t kill Yuu will make him stronger…but then like Miyuki last week realize the damage such a rejection would cause her chances with the president, so she backpedals, and they witness both Chika and Miko deal with offers from boys in their own ways.

Chika obviously challenges her would-be beau to a quiz and tells him she her love can’t be tied down. Miko is cornered by two dudes and seemingly gives in to their offer to hang out later before Yuu swoops in and rescues her from her own lack of composure. Tsubame watches this side of Yuu she hadn’t seen before and reconsiders an automatic rejection due simply to concerns she’ll neglect other parts of her life in favor of her boyfriend.

Finally, the time comes when Kaguya is hoping Miyuki will ask her to wander around the festival with him…and he does! So they do! And it’s adorable! She marvels at his composure while they stroll the hallways side by side, invoking awe from all their classmates, but she doesn’t know the weight of the bombshell he’s withholding from her (i.e., Stanford).

The two also take great pains to keep it together at the fortune teller as she tells them they’re basically the perfect couple for one another (and given training, could be great in bed as well). The teller calling Kaguya a “surface of pure water” influenced by changes in the color of the sky is not only a lovely way of describing her personality, but also tracks with the credit sequence where she is influenced by the evil aliens until Miyuki gets her back.

The rest of their date unfolds as you’d expect, and Kaguya is on cloud nine, the clear water glowing with happiness now that she’s finally experiencing what before she’d only been able to imagine. However, it all comes to an end when they return to the StuCo office and Miyuki presents her with his acceptance letter from Stanford, and his intent to skip a grade and study abroad there, making this his final festival at Shuchiin.

After delivering this information to Kaguya, the episode ends in dead silence, with Kaguya in shock and a note from “Arsene (Lupin)”, the “Phantom Thief” Chika has been chasing in the background, stating simply “To Be Continued.” But we still get the Starship Troopers-inspired credits, the meta-story of which is a reversal of the current situation: it’s Miyuki who is being borne to a far-flung land, and up to Kaguya to either convince him to stay or go after him and get him back.

Miyuki seems pretty intent on going through with this, and you can’t blame him with his and his family’s tenuous financial situation. People abandon their ideal romantic future for pragmatism’s sake all the time; I just hope that’s not what happens here. But now Kaguya knows what we’ve known. Miyuki was always going to present this future to her, and presumably still plans to confess if she doesn’t.

The festival is winding down, and there’s still a campfire to be lit. Perhaps that will be when something happens. It will have to be, since we’re just about out of season 3 episodes! I maintain, however, that if there’s nothing but loneliness and distance waiting for Kaguya and Miyuki, I maintain that will hate this series with the passion of a billion burning suns forevermore. That will categorically not stop me from watching that play out in a fourth season.

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War – Ultra Romantic – 10 – He Carries All Our Hopes With Him

BINAURAL ASMR – 👻 Horror House Experience 👻 (Wear Headphones)

Before Yuu and Tsubame head to the Horror House, we get to experience it along with Kaguya, Maki, Nagisa and Tsubasa, and also found out how both Yuu and Miko contributed to making it the unique and terrifying success it clearly is.

Mind you in Miko’s case that success wasn’t intentional, but her classmate and president of Tabletop Game Club Makihara Kozue has a sadistic streak and pretty much tortures Miko with scissors, feathers, and even dang ear nibbling in order to record (with binaural mics in Miko’s ears) the perfect immersive experience for the house.

It looks like the perfect venue for Yuu and Tsubame to get a little closer; heck, even Kaguya and Maki hold hands for support in there! But when Miko finds Nagisa and Tsubasa making out in their locker, she decides visitors to the horror house shall forthwith be segregated by gender.

This, of course, ruins the whole purpose of Yuu taking Tsubame to a haunted house, since they won’t get to, ya know, experience it together. While a setback, it’s not a terminal one, and more importantly isn’t due to anything Yuu said or did.

Hell Is About to Start Now

Moving on, it’s always been clear Chika has no particular romantic designs or even prospects; I imagine her “type” is a man so beautiful and perfect that he might not exist, at least not at Shuchiin. He might be somewhere in Lichtenstein. Her lil’ sis Moeha, on the other hand? She has a crush on President Shirogane, specifically thanks to being friends with his sister Kei, and accurately interpreting her tsundere barbs towards him as the praise and admiration it actually is.

Chika tries to warn Moeha that Miyuki is not who she thinks he is, then proceeds to list off all the things he’s bad at. Of course, she has to include the disclaimers that Miyuki worked his ass off until he got the hang of those things, which endears him to Miyuki even more. Chika believes the only way to “cure” her sister of this curse is to allow her to witness Miyuki juggling.

Like a host of other skills requiring either talent or hard work, Chika assumes Miyuki will be terrible at it and turn Moeha off him like a cat on a hot tin roof. She assumed wrong; Miyuki is quite good at juggling, thanks to her grandma. He’s also good at cup-and-ball, top-spinning, and yo-yo. Chika breaks down in a floor kicking-and-pounding tantrum, while Moeha is as enamored of him as ever.

Of course, the real reason Chika should give for why Moeha shouldn’t be pursuing the President is because of the Vice President, i.e. Kaguya, who appears behind Moeha like a glowing specter in an unsettling jump cut. Moeha then proceeds to list all of the legitimate reasons she likes Miyuki, which are the same reasons Kaguya loves him, and the two bond over their shared subject of affection. Kaguya just loves that she can talk about Miyuki with someone who understands!

If He Goes Down, We Go Down

Back to Yuu and Tsubame, as Tsubame invites Yuu to her class presentation, a kind of festival games set-up. Yuu can feel the momentum in his favor, and while he’d shrink, hesitate, or turn tail in the past, here he rides that momentum like a wave.

He wins a giant heart-shaped cookie, then offers it to Tsubame in the middle of a crowded classroom where 90% of them know what that means. He then makes it clear to those who don’t: the gift is an expression of how he feels about her.

It is indeed a 100% Public Confession, and while Tsubame has a good reaction and does not summarily reject him, she does suddenly run off asking for “time to think about it”, leaving Yuu in an uncomfortable limbo.

As Yuu’s success hangs in the balance, Miyuki contemplates the cost of failure: blanket Self-Imposed Restraint on Romance. Like a stone in a pond, Tsubame’s rejection of Yuu will have ripple effects for all the other would-be couples in the blast radius. Miyuki and Kaguya would have to put their romantic plans on hold to comfort Yuu. A confession in such an atmosphere would be romantic suicide!

Miyuki (and Kaguya) are invested in Yuu’s success, because if he goes down, they go down, and with no time left before he heads to Stanford. He asks Chika if Yuu has a chance, but her answer is biased against both Yuu and Miyuki, whom she’s long thought of as garbage men (not sanitation engineers, mind you). 

Still, even Chika can admit that over time she’s come to find both guys as “pretty decent men”; high praise for someone with her standards. If Tsubame takes the “point-addition approach” with Yuu, the kid has a chance. The most and best they can do is watch over him.

Of course, the stakes are much higher for Miyuki. Will he be able to keep his hands off the scenario and let the cards fall where they may? Will a Yuu defeat really spell as much doom for him and Kaguya as he assumes? We’re close approaching the endgame here, folks. You can tell from the surging notes of some of the absolute best musical scoring in the business.

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War – Ultra Romantic – 08 – Heart to Heart

It’s What the Public Decided

I was initially going to give this episode a lower score simply because it precedes the long-awaited “goods”—i.e. our main duo confessing to each other. But not only would that not be fair, it would be disingenuous. I personally loved the slice-of-life segments this week, forgiving them for “delaying” said goods and appreciating them for what they are: treasured moments of relative mundaneness before the season and series kick into final gear.

I’m always saying how Love is War could spawn numerous solid spinoffs, and one focusing on the family dynamics of the Shirogane clan could certainly be one of them. I particularly love Kei’s two-sided attitude towards her brother, one side being embarrassed and another being proud of how cool and capable he is.

It’s why she spends the birthday cash he gave her to make sure he dresses as cool as he is, even if she’ll never admit to her fawning classmates that she at least half-agrees with them! The fact that Miyuki’s wardrobe is that of an eighth grader because he wanted to save the family money so Kei could look good speaks to how Miyuki is just as proud of his little sister.

No Interest in the Fanciful

Another staple of Love is Wardom is the scenario of Kaguya being dismissive or stoic about something right up to the point it could present an opportunity for romantic success with the President. This time it’s a little heart charm that’s part of the culture festival merch. Tsubame recounts the thousand-year-old Hoshin legend that gives the festival it’s name and burning-heart theme.

Whether a valiant young man really did give his heart to the ailing daughter of a lord or the legend was simply cooked up to give the lord authority doesn’t matter. What matters is that Tsubame tells Kaguya that if you give something in the shape of a heart to someone you like during the festival, it will mean eternal love, and Kaguya believes her, because she wants to believe One Simple Trick will get the job done.

In reality, Kaguya is still wavering between wanting to confess and being too scared or proud to do so—even if it’s in a stealthy way like serving President a pie filled with heart-shaped fruit. But both we and Ai are in shock when suddenly, out of the blue, Kaguya declares to her, while clutching her foot in bed, that she does indeed like Miyuki. She’s done denying it…it’s just a matter of taking one last step.

Culture Festival Magic

Ai tells Kaguya she’s at a crossroads. Whether being the first to confess is the loser or not (the narrator points out this is the theme of the show…duh!) there are only two choices: hold onto her pride and continue suffering in limbo, or confess and experience the relief that comes with it. Even admitting she likes Miyuki to Ai is a great weight off her shoulders. Admitting it to Miyuki is a whole other matter entirely.

As the culture fest is in the final stages of preparation, Kaguya wonders how people find the courage to confess to the ones they like when the cost of rejection is so high. Miko’s friend Kobachi answers that by casually admitting she’s now dating the Cheer Squad Leader: capitalizing on “Culture Festival Magic” when a flurry of confessions and new couples emerges.

News that the Cheer Squad Leader is dating Kobachi is a cause for elation from Yuu, who had considered the possibility the guy was dating Tsubame. Now, there’s a good chance his crush is single. Will he take advantage of the magic and confess to Tsubame, or forever be her kohai and teammate? Kaguya urges him to do the former ASAP, lending him the very courage she thought was so elusive.

Ultimately, the unrelenting march of time must provide the courage Kaguya requires in order to confess to Miyuki. If she can’t go through with it, Miyuki will confess instead. Or maybe they’ll find a way to do it at the same time? One scenario I will not abide is neither of them summoning the courage to confess, or for Miyuki to move to America for college without any confessions at all.

If there’s a fourth season in the mix, I don’t want this one to end with heartbreak. I want it to be the beginning of the evolution in their relationship they’ve sought all along even while constantly denying themselves of it. By rights, they could have been a couple for years. The series ipping the rug out from under us, while dramatically justifiable, would just be cruel. Kaguya and Miyuki are so close to what they want…what would be so wrong with giving it to them, and us?

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War – Ultra Romantic – 07 – The Dark Legend of Shuchiin

Let’s Have a Campfire

When Miko and Yuu are assigned by Miyuki to aid the understaffed Cultural Festival Committee, they are thrown into a maelstrom of enthusiasm. Miko is thrown off by the intense vibes, Yuu is, as we well know, used to this, and joins in with gusto. It certainly helps that the head of the committee is his crush—the ever sweet and ebullient Tsubame.

Yuu knows he’s far from Tsubame’s only admirer, and so takes strides to one-up all of the other guys’ attempts to sound informed, important, and valuable to her. When Miko’s ideals don’t mesh with the other committee members, Tsubame is there to step in and keep things calm.

When Miko’s own enthusiasm for a campfire is met with skepticism over the many difficulties involved, Miko refuses Yuu’s help and powers through the doubters with her fesity iron will.

As a member of the Disciplinary Committee, Miko deems it her duty to seize trust from the grown-ups. To that end, she uses her solid reputation as a good girl with the neighborhood association, gets the cooperation of the fire department, and knocks on every door in order to notify everyone of the school’s intentions and assure them it will be done right.

Onodera Rei, who was initially one of Miko’s doubters, ends up helping Miko out and the two find a rapport because, after all, she wants a campfire too!

First-Pressed Perplexity

The middle portion of the episode is given over to the Mass Media Club duo of Erika and Karen as they interview various clubs on the impending festival. They start with Kaguya and the Archery Club, and we learn that the two are absolutely hopeless Kaguya worshippers.

Not that I can blame them; she’s spectacular. When they ask a tough question about why she’s not participating in an upcoming tournament, Kaguya keeps her reply vague, since she’d never reveal the true reason: the possibility of going on a Christmas date with Miyuki!

After speaking to the ever-graceful Tsubame at the Rhythmic Gymnastics Club, the media girls head to the roof where the Astronomy Club’s mobbed-up Ryuujuu Momo is loath to speak to them, and directs them to Miyuki, who is working on a giant papier-mâché dragon coiled around a golden ball.

As with Kaguya, Erika and Karen are in awe of Miyuki’s quite nobility, especially when he cryptically declares he’s going to “get it done like a man” at the culture festival.

Finally, the girls check in on the thoroughly oddball Board Game Club, who may not necessarily let the fact their grand plan for “a game involving the whole school” was rejected stop them from implementing it. To be continued…

No Effort Is Wasted

The final segment feels like the weakest, at least at first, with Chika once again being exasperated by Miyuki being extremely bad at something—in this case inflating balloons. No matter how many he pops, Chika refuses to teach “the child” as she has in the past.

Nagisa tries to smooth things over by telling Miyuki to give up and try an easier task, but Chika rightly scolds her for encouraging him to aim lower.

Miyuki ends up going to the StuCo office to attempt to inflate his balloons, and finds Kaguya quietly sewing an apron for her class’s maid café. She says it’s fine for him to carry on, but the repeated balloon bursts soon become torturous.

He proceeds to lament the fact he’s so bad at ordinary things ordinary people do easily, and vents about his frantic desire to hide his weaknesses and struggle to deny his incompetence.

Kaguya sidles up to the frustrated Miyuki with a big warm smile, happy to have “unraveled another mystery” about her boy. She assures him that no effort is wasted. As always, her words are able to soothe his soul.

When it comes to admitting their feelings for each other and agreeing to go out, this is a task neither seems quite ready to pull off, which is a tremendous shame, since they both clearly want nothing else.

That said, Miyuki instituted a deadline for asking Kaguya out, and no matter how many new or old balloons pop, I’m looking forward to him ultimately getting the job done.

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War – Ultra Romantic – 06 – Countdown to Farewell

If it hits you you die

The first segment of the episode makes it clear this will be an episode about what kind of future Miyuki and Kaguya want, and how to get there. While Kaguya’s parents do not attend her parent-teacher conference, she has the good fortune of relying on both Miyuki’s dad (who already considers her a daughter) and Ai’s mom (whom Ai clearly worships) as “honorary parents”.

Not only is Ai a mama’s girl, but shares mom’s twisted personality. But things get more serious as the sun drops during the actual conference. Kaguya doesn’t really have anything to say about what she wants for the future; she’s probably just going to do what her parents—her real, absent parents—tell her to do. That means advancing to the university to which Shuchiin High is affiliated.

Miyuki, however has different goals. He’s determined that his future involves moving on from Shuchiin and going to college five thousand miles away at Stanford. He seems resigned to the fact this means No More Kaguya, so he declares to us, the audience, that all Kaguya has to do to “win” their long and harrowing battle is to not confess to him by the cultural festival.

At that point, he vows to confess to her, so they can at least date for the few high school days they have left before parting, possibly forever. But if the gauntlet has been thrown only in his head—where no one but the audience sees it—has it truly been thrown?

Conducive to Confession

Miyuki knows he has his work cut out for him to compel Kaguya into a confession before the culture fest; despite his best efforts he’s been frustrated by failure just as she has for lo these many years. At this desperate time, he decides asking Kaguya out isn’t tantamount to a love confession…so he asks her to join him to scout another school’s festival.

The only problem is, Kaguya doesn’t realize he’s asked her out until she’s already casually declined. Because Ai isn’t Doraemon and cannot manipulate the space-time continuum, she suggests that a distraught Kaguya summon the same courage Miyuki did and ask him out.

And she does! Kaguya employs her calming ritual, then tells Miyuki she’s changed her mind. Unfortunately, she says more words that muddy the waters, causing Miyuki to question whether she means for him to go alone. Having already expended all their courage and arrived at a stalemate, they rely on the other council members to pop in and give them the boost they need to make that one tiny final step towards arranging a date together.

Alas, Yuu, Miko and Chika only make matters worse; Yuu by laughing at the fact he witnessed a guy asking a girl to the culture fest in the hall; Yuu for bringing her disciplinary sensibility to the same event, and finally Chika saying Kaguya definitely shouldn’t go because she’ll get hit on too much. Kaguya seemingly breaks through the fog by suggesting a male accompany her, but that somehow turns into Yuu going with Miyuki. The boys have fun, but Miyuki and Kaguya both definitely lose, and not for want of trying!

Tofu EgO DEATH

While observing Chika transferring a guitar song from one musical scale to another, Miyuki considers every high schooler’s dream of rocking out on stage, something Chika immediately shoots down on account of her considerable experience with Miyuki’s artistic pursuits, and begs him to look at himself more objectively.

Miyuki takes Chika’s advice by starting from a place of wanting to know what women think about him, starting with Miko. Unfortunately, it’s all staged and phrased like a confession to her, which she’s actually flattered by until he pulls an identical act on Chika, who clears things up with Iino.

Thus Miyuki endures an onslaught of shit-talking, as Miko admits that looks-wise he’s not her type, and that she’d prefer the kind of ideal prince of a man that may not even exist. Chika admits that the president actually is more or less her type as someone who is always rising to the challenge in a “single-minded, unbecoming way.”

But since she’s just realizing this and also knows of all of Miyuki’s glaring flaws, she takes said realization as a major blow to her ego, which of course continues to eat away at Miyuki’s. Due to Chika’s penchant for turning discussions into “strange events”, the office is filled with a fog of glumness as Miyuki concludes he’s simply a worthless person no one would consider confessing to.

That is, until his soul mate enters the room, is brought up to speed about the legal insulting session, and asked what she’d change about Miyuki. As we know from her little heart incident at the hospital last season, we know Kaguya already considers the president “an ideal human being”. So her answer—Miyuki is fine the way he is. No notes!—comes as no surprise.

His confidence, recently sloughed away like Mars’ atmosphere by the unintentional roast with Chika and Miko, is instantly, fully restored. Such is the power of the one you love saying exactly what needed to hear, when you needed to hear it. Someone who doesn’t overlook your flaws, but cherishes them along with your merits.

Frankly, if Miyuki was being mature about this, the cultural festival is too late; he should simply confess to her now and get it over with. I’m sure he won’t, but while his Stanford declaration has seemingly placed a ticking clock on their relationship, one can’t rule out that she will confess to him at some point, or may even follow him to Stanford.

The important thing is that at the halfway point of what may well be Love is War’s final season, they’re not out of options yet.

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War – Ultra Romantic – 04 – The Eyes that Propelled Him

YUU CAN’T DIE

No sooner is Yuu shooting death lasers at Kashiwagi and her bae once they leave the office and talking about how students should be focused on their studies (stated while playing video games) than he’s melting into a puddle of goo when his crush, third-year Koyasu Tsubame stops by to drop off some foreshadowing…er, an application for the upcoming cultural festival.

I’m pleased as punch Tsubame is back, she and Yuu had great chemistry, and it was only near the end of that momentous sports fest arc that we even saw her eyes. But is Yuu simply infatuated with her because she’s nice to him, or does he have an actual chance? Ever the pessimist, he’s certain it’s the latter.

Kaguya won’t suffer Yuu’s moping about what can and can’t be done; she’s been in a slog of a romantic stalemate with her crush for over two damn cours, it’s as much sage advice as a warning that it’s best to come out and confess sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, Yuu’s “innate creepiness” has him imagining a flower-a-day at Tsubame’s desk or an album of himself with a note are good ways to do it.

Kaguya, as inept as she’d been with her own romance, continues to prove her value as an advisor to Yuu, steering him away from certain disaster and putting him on a long but doable path to not only making his feelings known to Tsubame, but realizing his potential to be someone Tsubame likes.

Since Yuu is neither strong, rich, or popular, Kaguya sends him on the path of academic achievement, assisting him in studying for the lofty goal of scoring in the top 50 of his grade in the upcoming exams. The next segment is tied to the first, as each of the other four StuCo members agree with Miyuki’s suggestion that they go on hiatus so that everyone can study from home.

Everyone is hiding ulterior motives (and A-1 faces): Miyuki can’t study in the office because he’s too distracted by Kaguya’s beauty; Kaguya can’t study at home because she’s too distracted by her new smartphone; Iino, like Miyuki, wants to keep her #1 ranking, and Chika…Chika already gets double allowance so she stands to lose the least here.

As for Yuu? No lies and no face; he’s already hard at work studying at home. But when the exams come and go and the rankings are posted, he doesn’t make it to the Top 50. Kaguya suspects he rose about 20 spots from his  previous position near the bottom of his class. A tremendous improvement, but also a crushing defeat too.

Yuu pretends he’s not bitter about it to Kaguya and shuffles off to the boy’s room to stew in abject bitterness. Fortunately, Kaguya didn’t buy his act, and brazenly violates the bathroom rule to confirm that, indeed, Yuu is super pissed-off, and that he’ll take this small step forward as merely the loss of a battle for which expectations were naturally high. If love is war, losing this first battle can, and must, motivate him to keep fighting on.

Super Butler Herthaka-kun

With the show showering so much darma and character love on Yuu, who now has two potential love interests (like Miyuki with Kaguya and Ai), Chika is now, by default, the least developed and most mysterious member of the StuCo. Maybe that’s on purpose due to her simplistic nature, but one wonders if there will be room for her to have a major character-defining arc this season.

For now, she presents an open dinner invitation to Kaguya, Miyuki, and Kei in appreciation for their help and friendship. With exams out of the way, Kaguya is pumped up for a dinner party and sleepover, if for no other reason than the opportunity for Miyuki to nod off on her shoulder. She wants to do it that night, but Chika’s dad is out of town.

Chika suggests an alternate site for the sleepover: Kaguya’s place! There, Chika is met by “Herthaka-kun”, Ai’s…(deep breath) gay-male-crybaby-war orphan-Harvard graduate butler persona. While Kaguya scolds Ai for weaving such rococo lies, Chika simply stands in awe of “Super Butler Herthaka-kun”…yet another potentially awesome Kaguya spin-off.

Kaguya and Chika proceed to have a lovely girls night together, and while Miyuki and Kei can’t make it to the sleepover, they are offered a window into it when Chika calls him up. She’s able to do this not only without Kaguya’s objection but her encouragement because Kaguya rarely stays up past 11, and Chika’s prattle has now kept her up past midnight.

This has the effect of rendering Kaguya into a state not dissimilar from drunkenness, where her usual inhibitions drop and her judgment is compromised. She’s in full Go-with-the-Flow Mode, so Chika FaceTimes Miyuki and asks him straight-up if he’s in love with someone.

Kei happens to be in the room when Miyuki receives the call, and becomes fully engaged in the conversation when she spots Kaguya and Chika-nee on his screen. After adorably picking up the place even though they’re not there, Kei confirms to Chika that her brother is definitely in love, because he’s always LINEing with “someone named “Herthaka.”

When Chika hears this name, and she turns to face Herthaka-kun the butler, who is presently texting, her nose bleeds and she excuses herself from the segment.

That leaves Kaguya and Miyuki on the call together. Kaguya sleepily declares her furiousness at him right now for sending texts to someone else, but says she’ll forgive him if he tells her who he’s in love with. When he hesitates, she says she’ll go first…only to fall asleep before saying the name.

Miyuki is left with female Herthaka on his screen telling him Kaguya is asleep and she’s hanging up, but not before Kei gets a good look at the girl her bro is apparently courting. Kaguya wins the round because despite her fatigue she doesn’t let slip who she loves, but in my book both she and Miyuki lose the round because they’re still stuck in an endless slog.

Maybe the cultural festival will progress things further. I’m not saying I need a confession from either or both of them for this season to be a success—it’s the ride, not the destination that counts, and this is the Rolls-Royce of rides—but it would be nice for these two to join Takagi and Nishikata in the “Official-At-Last” corner.

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War – Ultra Romantic – 03 – Heads Up, Tails Down Bad

Kashiwagi P.I.

Kaguya-sama is to my mind never a show that has to scape the bottom of a barrel, because it has a whole cellar full of barrels that are always full. Take the oft-sampled scenario of the romantically inept Student Council having to give advice to the far more experienced Kashiwagi Nagisa. In this case, Nagisa has come suspecting her boyfriend of cheating on her with her friend.

Nagisa proceeds to confess to a number of actual crimes of privacy invasion before making the ludicrous statement of hiring a P.I. because she trusts her man, but every time Miko tries to point out how rashly Nagisa is acting, Kaguya steps in to support Nagisa’s theories. When Miko says going to karaoke with someone is cheating does Kaguya say it isn’t (due to what happened with Miyuki and Hayasaka). Miko is feeling so bad she has to listen to her self-affirmation audio.

Ultimately by talking things through with Kaguya and Miko, Nagisa works up the courage to confront her boyfriend directly. When he reiterates that he likes her and gives her a gold heart necklace, all is forgiven. Miyuki and Yuu believe the guy made a slick move, while Kaguya, Miko and Chika all agree the necklace is lame as hell! Then Nagisa and her bae start making out, and we’re reminded that it’s the student council that’s lame to cast aspersions about gifts when none of them are officially dating.

Lovesick Heart of the Nation

The second segment involves the other side of the love triangle: Nagisa’s old friend Shijou Maki (a dynamic Ichinose Kana). After pretending not to care about Nagisa telling her not to hang out with her BF so much, she walks home slumped over like Charlie Brown (or George Michael Bluth). Yuu and Miyuki are chatting spiritedly when the latter suddenly steps on the prone Maki’s head, accompanied by a sound effect for the ages.

Just as Kaguya and Miko had to counsel (i.e. endure) Nagisa, Miyuki and Yuu are pressed into service as advisors to Maki, who is a particularly haughty member of a Shinomiya branch family, is possessed of incurable tsundere-ness, and can flip the cuteness on and off like a plasma globe. She goes to some dark places but you can tell it helps just to have someone to listen to, even if she deems them (mostly Yuu) an ignoramus.

The two boys agree to help her steal Nagisa’s boyfriend in large part due to this ability to come across as unbelievably cute and sympathetic. Yuu also admires her unvarnished honesty about everything but her love of Nagisa’s bae (finally admitting she does after denying it ten straight times).

After a tense, hostile interaction with her “auntie” Kaguya, Maki says both boys said she was cute, which has Kaguya in Miyuki’s face like stink on shit. But Miyuki can’t very well say he finds Maki cute because she reminds him of Kaguya, not can he?!

Polygraph-Enhanced Fun

In the final segment, Kaguya, still curious about what exactly happened at that group date, asks Chika what goes on at such functions. Chika hasn’t been to one either, but is aware of group date games like one played with 10-yen coins and revealing yes-or-no answers that are kept anonymous by a handkerchief.

Like most seemingly innocuous little games Chika suggests the council plays, this one becomes a battle of wits between everyone to get the others to admit to something they wouldn’t normally admit to. Chika naturally wants to know who is currently in love (three of the five of them…but who’s the third?).

Yuu wants to know who hates him (only one…but it might not be Miko?) Miko wants to know that she’s necessary and wanted (five yesses…even from Yuu). When Kaguya notices that you can tell whose answers are whose by the mint date of the coins, she tries to trap Miyuki into a confession, with the added protection of Chika insisting on a polygraph if any lying is suspected.

Of course, she’s giving Miyuki too little credit not assuming he’d have a defense—in this case a second coin in his pocket that has the same mint date as two others. Unfortunately, his counterattack, to reveal Kaguya has been using the mint numbers to get a leg up, fails when two others admit to doing the same.

When Miyuki and Kaguya are alone in the more dramatically-lit office after school (one of my favorite kinds of Kaguya-sama scenes), Miyuki asks Kaguya if she had group dates on her mind because she heard he went on one. He then clears the air by admitting he did, but didn’t do anything frivolous, and says he wants “at least her” to believe her. When he asks if she does, she doesn’t answer verbally, but sneakily leaves her answer—yes—in coin form on the desk.

While this didn’t pack the emotional or dramatic punch of last week’s masterpiece, it was still a strong episode that followed up on the aftermath of that group date while bringing back Nagisa, a model of romantic honesty, and introducing the intriguing, imperious Maki as a kind of “Kaguya-Lite”. It also looks like the Starship Troopers ending wasn’t a one-off…Good!

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War – Ultra Romantic – 02 – Better to Not Put on an Act

The Ishigami-Iino Accords

Kaguya-sama is about far more than two goofs who won’t admit their love out of pride and fear. It has the ammo to provide a veritable kaleidoscope of spinoff stories about its other characters. Ishigami and Iino Don’t Get Along could not only be a decent series unto itself, but has an incredibly catchy English title!

That Ishi-Iino isn’t a spinoff from the Kaguya-sama: Love Is War Cinematic Universe is a shame, but it’s also the mark of a great series that it keeps you wanting to see more of its greatness. Also, it’s good enough that it doesn’t have to spin things off. Sometimes a small taste is enough.

So we’ve known for a while now that Ishigami and Iino hate each other…but do they? Sure, they seem to inhabit opposite ends of the Discipline-Rebellion Spectrum, but we know better. Ishigami has as strong a sense of justice as Iino, especially where Iino herself is concerned. He just chooses to conceal it behind an outer crust she loathes.

By the same token, Ishigami obviously respects Iino’s honesty and diligence, or he wouldn’t stand to defend her from embarrassment. The thing is, their practiced hostility has escalated to a level neither Miyuki nor Iino’s friend Osaragi can suffer. Hence, the Ishigami-Iino Friendship Plan.

After an exchange of compliments turns into a hatefest, ear-cleaning becomes awkward contortionism, and Pocky-eating leads to aggressively gnashing teeth, Osaragi ditches Miyuki’s plan and pulls out the big guns, telling the two what a good match they are, and how it’s “typical teen behavior” to not be able to stop yourself from being mean to the one you like.

Ishigami and Iino are so shocked by the checkmate they relent on the spot, then devolve into an automated, emotionless, auto-tuned exchange of Iino saying “I like you quite a lot” and Ishigami returning the sentiment. It’s very far from normal human interaction, but by the letter of what the segment victor Osaragi and Miyuki set out to do, it gets the job done.

Play Along, All Right?

Of course, simply getting the job done on paper is not Kaguya-sama’s M.O., as evidenced by the epic two-parter that closes the episode. This might also just be my favorite segment of all the shows two-plus seasons. After declining several times in the past, Miyuki finally accepts an invite from classmates to go out for karaoke and “networking” with kids from other schools, unaware that it’s really going to be a group date.

Hayasaka can’t help but point this out to Kaguya, but Hayasaka ends up being inconvenienced, as Kaguya orders her to attend the group date and make sure no girls get near the President. Hayasaka is so good at getting herself mixed up in Kaguya’s man mess that one frankly can’t rule out that she does it on purpose, for sport or personal achievement.

This scenario marks the return of Hayasaka’s alter-ego “Miss Herthaka”, and when Miyuki recognizes her, she’s grumpy enough with her plight that she decides to take the fact that he dumped her like a bag of sand when last they met and run with it like Marshawn Lynch in Beast Mode.

After making clear to Miyuki’s pals that he dumped her, she takes the stage and belts out a stirring, pitch-perfect rendition of “My Feelings” by Akasaka Saka/Giorgio Giorgio. If there’s such a thing as anime nirvana, it’s this.

What makes this performance so powerful is that it’s not played 100% as a joke. Hayasaka is legitimately frustrated both by her past failure to seduce Miyuki and Kaguya’s continued taking of the President for granted as someone who will always be available to her.

After the song, Hayasaka and Miyuki have a serious discussion about putting on acts. When she rants about her “little sister” forcing her to come to this to get over being dumped, he feels like he’s talking to the something like the “real her” … which of course she is, since she’s voicing real frustrations! Miyuki, always forthright in everything but his love of Kaguya, feels he can relate to her better, and you get the feeling he likes this “Herthaka” more than the obviously fake one from their first encounter.

Hayasaka then reveals her position on the matter, which is that “no one will ever love you unless you’re acting”, and that weakness and ugliness must be hidden by that acting. He then puts it to him whether he’s actually the real Shirogane Miyuki, or if he overreaches and bluffs. He thinks on this and decides it would probably be best to call it a night.

Hurt You Just a Little

When some rando tries to put the moves on Hayasaka the moment she’s alone, Miyuki returns, takes her by the hand, and leads her to safety, telling her to “play along”. She’s so moved by the gesture, she reserves a room just for her and Miyuki, where she plans to succeed in Kaguya’s dare for her to seduce him.

Hayasaka reports this to Kaguya via earpiece, who is in her covert ops outfit on a rooftop. And again, this is all played straight. We have a legit love triangle here! There’s a part of Hayasaka who likes Shirogane and a part of her that wants to win, and when opportunity like this knocks she’s not going to ignore it. What started as a playful dare is no longer just a game. When Hayasaka cuts off communication, Kaguya panics.

She knows that normally Hayasaka operates within the bounds of common sense. But she also knows that Hayasaka was furious for having to go to the group date to begin with, so who knows what she’s capable of. Kaguya finds the door of the booth where they are, but there she’s paralyzed from further action.

The window is covered by Hayasaka’s coat, rendering it a Schrödinger’s Shirogane scenario. Whatever is or isn’t happening in there, Kaguya’s imagining of what it might be is far worse. And she knows she can’t just barge in without “losing”, i.e. revealing she cares so much about Miyuki that she’ll stalk him when he’s hanging out with friends (which, yes, she does, and is!).

Her solution? Invite Chika to karaoke, being sure to give her the number of the booth. But before Chika can arrive to open the box, Kaguya starts hearing suggestive noises and a flurry of double entendres. When Miyuki exits the booth to go to the bathroom, Kaguya slips in and learns the truth: Hayasaka’s strange utterings were reactions to Miyuki’s rapping.

While I saw this coming, it’s still an excellent callback to Chika’s attempts to improve Miyuki’s vocal skills. But I don’t believe rapping lessons were part of her curriculum judging by the state of Hayasaka. When Chika finally arrives and hears Hayasaka describe what she heard, it immediately puts her off karaoke and the three take off, leaving Miyuki all alone.

On the ride home, Hayasaka admits to Kaguya that she had become somewhat jealous of how happy and carefree she’s been of late, and selfishly wanted to take her down a peg, or as she puts it wanted her to “hurt just a little.”

She accomplished that mission admirably thanks to her intimate knowledge of Kaguya, but Kaguya already knew it must’ve been something like that thanks to her intimate knowledge of Hayasaka; specifically, how twisted her personality is. Hayasaka shoots back that Kaguya’s no different than her, and Kaguya doesn’t argue that fact.

While Hayasaka might have started out as Kaguya’s maid and attendant, the fact of the matter is in the ensuing years they’ve grown into something far more like sisters. Siblings love each other, but they can also irritate or hurt each other like no one else. I really loved this sprawling segment’s ability to balance humor and character drama so perfectly.

Mind you, the credits could have rolled during this last exchange between Kaguya and Hayasaka, but that would simply be “getting the job done.” Instead, the end credits roll over an lovingly, amazingly detailed intro for a Starship Troopers anime adaptation, with Miyuki, Kaguya and Hayasaka reflecting that film’s triangle of Rico, Carmen, and Dizzy.

Again, this ED could be a whole show, and it would be incredible. But here it’s just a fun throwaway gag. We live in rare and tremendous times that anime like this is still made.

RABUJOI WORLD HERITAGE LIST

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War – Ultra Romantic – 01 – Glory in the Granular

Miko Unplugged

“Continue” pressed and the utterly destroyed Shuchiin Academy miraculously reincorporated—an auspicious start to the third season. Our first easing back into the thick of things involves the student council room suddenly turning into a sylvan glade. Yuu can hear Miko’s peaceful study music because her earbuds are ever-so unplugged and she’s unaware.

The peaceful forest soon turns to jackhammers, the growling of camels, and finally positive affirmation from the voices of popular heartthrobs. Basically, Miko is exposing herself as a listener of increasingly embarrassing things, and giving ample ammo to Yuu, whom she’s been clear about not caring about a whit.

Even so, when the other council members enter, Yuu makes a sacrifice, not-quite plugging in his headphones to listen to a particularly frilly and chipper idol theme. He isn’t seeking thanks from Miko, just trying to mitigate the damage by getting her to notice she’s made the same mistake he just made.

However, Miko truly does care about Yuu so little that she ignores his hidden warning, and switches her morally supportive dreamboats right back on for everyone to hear and be thoroughly awkwarded out. As such, the first bout of the season is lost by both Yuu and Miko.

The Curse of Read Receipts

Kaguya is overjoyed to now have access to the President through LINE, but when he sends her two messages in two hours, she doesn’t know how to reply. Her fatal error is believing he isn’t aware she’s read his messages. From his chat screen it’s obvious she read them instantly due to the read receipt feature.

Eventually Miyuki determines that Kaguya isn’t aware of read receipts, and when his third sent message is instantly read, further determines that this is the adequate evidence of her faving feelings for him he’s been looking for. Granted both of them have been staring at their LINE screens for each other’s sakes, but as always this is about who admits love first!

Believing victory to be in grasp, Miyuki calls Kaguya to inform her of the read receipt feature and what it means. At this point, he really has won, but for Kaguya’s aristocratic dirty tricks! She employs Hayasaka, who was herself hesitating on whether to inform her mistress of her tech error, to make up some excuse.

Hayasaka’s hastily-summoned excuse ends up being not only wonderfully plausible but pretty much turns the tables against the cocky Miyuki: his messages are labeled as read immediately because they are…via computer…by the household staff…for security screening purposes. In light of this extended exchange, Chika, Yuu and Miko’s LINE messages to Kaguya go unanswered, and thus those three are the losers in this round.

Muscle Queen Kaguya

When Yuu gives up five feet from the council room dorm carrying a large load, Chika is sufficiently disgusted by his weakness to call for a Student Council Arm Wrestling Tournament. Because this involves holding hands, Miyuki and Kaguya are all for it. Miko is excluded from the bracket by a way-too-into-it Chika, while Kaguya shows off the result of using a hefty 15-kg draw weight on her bow in archery club by destroying Yuu.

Chika initially seems to be a tough out for Miyuki, until Kaguya, jealous and furious of them holding hands, informs the referee (Miko) that Chika is cheating, then explains precisely how she’s cheating in a level of detail reserverd for someone who wants nothing more than to have an innocent excuse to hold the hand of the boy she likes.

The final, then, is Kaguya v. Miyuki, of course, and they too seem equally matched at least to casual observers. However, as our trusty narrator explains, the two are both committed to drawing out the match—by remaining in a state of bliss—as long as possible!

Their delicate balance is only thrown off when Kaguya notices her hand and the Presidents are getting sweaty, and their sweat is starting to mix…so she panics and easily defeats him, in the same way she was able to joint lock him last season then return to her calming pose—with authority.

Thus Kaguya “wins” the third and final bout of the week, but her “prize” is to be awarded the titles “Muscle Queen/Princess” by Chika, resulting in her standing awkwardly atop a mountain of orange muscle men. Then Miyuki tells her that her final forceful thrust at the end was an impressive bit of arm wrestling.

To paraphrase Chika, A society that allows weak anime to go about their business oblivious to their own weakness is in serious need of a reset! Thankfully, Love is War is back, and remains at the top of the anime mountain; a no -cavities, low-sugar, low-carb show that never goes to bed before at least 30 minutes of muscle training.