Kaguya-sama: Love Is War – Ultra Romantic – 12 (Fin) – Blossoms That Never Scatter

When Miyuki tells Kaguya how he’s been accepted to Harvard and will be gone this time next year, she pretty much turns to stone and then shatters into pieces. But she drags Ai out from whatever she’s doing to update her on where things stand. They both know that the basic plan hasn’t changed—confess to Miyuki—it’s just a matter of how.

Kaguya tries a number of methods, but all are pooh-poohed by Ai in various ways. That is, until Kaguya digs deep, describes all the unique ways she loves the president, including his drive to move forward, and starts to cry as she notes how cruel it would be to ask him not to go overseas. Ai, realizing she went too far, draws Kaguya into a hug and assures her that they’ll get her confession to Miyuki without fail.

In Yuu/Tsubame land, things seem to be going swimmingly. Yuu prepared a hella warm coat for Tsubame to wear when the evening chill came around, and even impresses her with his knowledge of flower language and a red cherry blossom tree in the spot where she wishes to give him an update on her answer to his confession.

Her answer, while not no, is that she doesn’t yet have an answer. That’s fair enough; Tsubame only just realized when Yuu gave her that heart how he truly feels about her, and she’s still getting used to seeing him like that. As for Yuu, he isn’t even aware he did confess with that heart until he watches her perform in the play about the Hoshin legend.

Thanks in part to Ai, Kaguya is poised to have a perfect opportunity to confess to Miyuki: when she’s resplendent in her archer’s garb and lit by the burning flame of her arrow, and Miyuki is completely captivated by her beauty. Unfortunately, Miyuki is nowhere to be found when the time comes to light the campfire!

Instead, shortly after the fire is lit, it suddenly rains cards signed by “Arsene”, the Phantom Thief Chika has been chasing throughout the festival. The jewel from the dragon’s mouth is also missing. Kaguya can’t believe her terrible luck; for all this nonsense to be happening when she’s supposed to be confessing. But the thing is, the Phantom Thief is none other than Miyuki.

When Chika runs off with Erika to further investigate, Kaguya already puts two and two and four together and realizes this is one big scheme by Miyuki, and that she’s going to catch him and then confess to him. That involves sipping canned coffee together, but the machine won’t accept the lowest-denomination bills she has (10,000 yen).

But hey, at least she has the heart trinket to give him, right? Well, no…she managed to lose that when she changed in and out of her archery garb. At the same time, the narrator explains how Miyuki, while initially in a kind of whimsical enthusiasm fugue state, is starting to come to his senses and feel embarrassment for his current situation (and goofy master thief getup).

As Kaguya ascends the clock tower to meet Miyuki, they both find themselves bereft of their usual arsenals of weapons in their long war game of love. There’s nothing left but their feelings, their words, and the months before Miyuki heads to California.

This would make for an infuriatingly frustrating end to the third season…if this were the final episode in its entirety. Thankfully, this is not the end, and as soon as I realized I’d only watched the first of a two-part double episode, I regained my composure and kept watching.

When Kaguya reaches the top, the narrator repeats his spiel from the very first episodes, about how love is war, those in love live in terror, etc. But Miyuki and Kaguya go on that they must convey their feelings for the one they love, even if it means they “lose”, or they’ll never move forward.

While donning his ridiculous top hat, Miyuki tells Kaguya having her beside him for this, his big final culture festival moment, and Kaguya goes through all the things in her head she should say to him out loud. That she wants him to stay by her side forever, and that even if she’s not sure he would ever like a “cold, hateful woman”, but if he confessed to her right then and there, she’d 100% accept it.

Miyuki doesn’t confess with words, but he does confess by unleashing the jewel of the dragon—which turned out to be a weather balloon—with an app, and has it drift over the campfire until it pops, revealing a massive swarm of heart-shaped balloons that float up to their vantage point atop the tower.

He and the narrator recount Miyuki’s efforts for the “Ultra Romantic Campaign” that culminated in this heart balloon blizzard; a plan he first set into motion the same day he applied to Stanford. He planned every last detail, including ensuring Chika, Yuu, and Miko didn’t interfere at the proper time.

Just like Kaguya, Miyuki launches into a self-deprecating inner monologue about how he worked his goddamn tail off to become her equal, and explains that if he overtly confessed or ask her out in words, he’d be confirming the fact they weren’t equals. No, he needed to do something that would make her confess to him.

But what’s most important to Miyuki isn’t that she confess, or that they go out…it’s that they are able to remain together. To that end, he got the principal to agree to write a second letter of recommendation for Kaguya, and atop that tower, as he holds a blue balloon heart and she holds a red one, he asks her to apply to Stanford and go with him to the U.S.

It’s not a confession, but despite what a shock it brings to Kaguya, she’s so happy to hear these words that she agrees on the spot, so quickly that it weird Miyuki out a little. And now that Miyuki has expressed how he feels and what he wants, Kaguya can do the same, and does so with a passionate kiss that is witnessed but notably and mercifully not interrupted by Chika’s Scooby Gang.

In between these stunningly epic scenes of some of the most gratifying payoffs in anime rom-comdom, the rest of the cast get their curtain calls for the season. Nagisa dances with Maki, assuring her that she likes her more than Tsubasa; Kobachi admits to her bae it’s time to stop being so overprotective of Miko; Yuu deems it unkind to steal Tsubame away from her adoring fans and classmates and instead tracks down Miko, shows her footage of the campfire she made happen, and tells her to go enjoy it already.

Later that night, Kaguya recounts her Ultra Romantic evening with the President to Ai in a voice best described as … “giddysmug”. She gleefully describes the kiss as tasting like ketchup (since Miyuki had just eaten a corn dog) and goes on to decribe how she used her tongue during the kiss, which we see made a lasting impact on Miyuki.

Mind you, neither Miyuki nor Kaguya actually verbally confessed … but c’maaaahn. Even these two clueless doofuses cannot deny what they are to one another, and while there’s certainly a lot to think about and plan (including how to get the other to verbally confess to them!), the fact that their future is secure together is a great weight lifted from their shoulders.

Student Council antics continue as usual, with Chika coming up with a game that will start some shit, and Yuu and Miko sparring like siblings. Kaguya and Miyuki look on with pride and contentment, the Miyuki’s desk hiding the fact that they’re holding hands. It was definitely touch-and-go throughout this stressful closing culture festival arc, but Love is War nailed the landing, and I never should have doubted it would.

If a fourth season comes around—and apparently there’s an enormous amount of source material left to adapt—it will be icing on an already perfect cake. But when we’re talking about icing this well made, there’s no such thing as too much. Keep making this show until these dweebs are old and gray with grandchildren running around in California; I wouldn’t need any other anime to sustain me!

RABUJOI WORLD HERITAGE LIST

 

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War – Ultra Romantic – 01 – Glory in the Granular

Miko Unplugged

“Continue” pressed and the utterly destroyed Shuchiin Academy miraculously reincorporated—an auspicious start to the third season. Our first easing back into the thick of things involves the student council room suddenly turning into a sylvan glade. Yuu can hear Miko’s peaceful study music because her earbuds are ever-so unplugged and she’s unaware.

The peaceful forest soon turns to jackhammers, the growling of camels, and finally positive affirmation from the voices of popular heartthrobs. Basically, Miko is exposing herself as a listener of increasingly embarrassing things, and giving ample ammo to Yuu, whom she’s been clear about not caring about a whit.

Even so, when the other council members enter, Yuu makes a sacrifice, not-quite plugging in his headphones to listen to a particularly frilly and chipper idol theme. He isn’t seeking thanks from Miko, just trying to mitigate the damage by getting her to notice she’s made the same mistake he just made.

However, Miko truly does care about Yuu so little that she ignores his hidden warning, and switches her morally supportive dreamboats right back on for everyone to hear and be thoroughly awkwarded out. As such, the first bout of the season is lost by both Yuu and Miko.

The Curse of Read Receipts

Kaguya is overjoyed to now have access to the President through LINE, but when he sends her two messages in two hours, she doesn’t know how to reply. Her fatal error is believing he isn’t aware she’s read his messages. From his chat screen it’s obvious she read them instantly due to the read receipt feature.

Eventually Miyuki determines that Kaguya isn’t aware of read receipts, and when his third sent message is instantly read, further determines that this is the adequate evidence of her faving feelings for him he’s been looking for. Granted both of them have been staring at their LINE screens for each other’s sakes, but as always this is about who admits love first!

Believing victory to be in grasp, Miyuki calls Kaguya to inform her of the read receipt feature and what it means. At this point, he really has won, but for Kaguya’s aristocratic dirty tricks! She employs Hayasaka, who was herself hesitating on whether to inform her mistress of her tech error, to make up some excuse.

Hayasaka’s hastily-summoned excuse ends up being not only wonderfully plausible but pretty much turns the tables against the cocky Miyuki: his messages are labeled as read immediately because they are…via computer…by the household staff…for security screening purposes. In light of this extended exchange, Chika, Yuu and Miko’s LINE messages to Kaguya go unanswered, and thus those three are the losers in this round.

Muscle Queen Kaguya

When Yuu gives up five feet from the council room dorm carrying a large load, Chika is sufficiently disgusted by his weakness to call for a Student Council Arm Wrestling Tournament. Because this involves holding hands, Miyuki and Kaguya are all for it. Miko is excluded from the bracket by a way-too-into-it Chika, while Kaguya shows off the result of using a hefty 15-kg draw weight on her bow in archery club by destroying Yuu.

Chika initially seems to be a tough out for Miyuki, until Kaguya, jealous and furious of them holding hands, informs the referee (Miko) that Chika is cheating, then explains precisely how she’s cheating in a level of detail reserverd for someone who wants nothing more than to have an innocent excuse to hold the hand of the boy she likes.

The final, then, is Kaguya v. Miyuki, of course, and they too seem equally matched at least to casual observers. However, as our trusty narrator explains, the two are both committed to drawing out the match—by remaining in a state of bliss—as long as possible!

Their delicate balance is only thrown off when Kaguya notices her hand and the Presidents are getting sweaty, and their sweat is starting to mix…so she panics and easily defeats him, in the same way she was able to joint lock him last season then return to her calming pose—with authority.

Thus Kaguya “wins” the third and final bout of the week, but her “prize” is to be awarded the titles “Muscle Queen/Princess” by Chika, resulting in her standing awkwardly atop a mountain of orange muscle men. Then Miyuki tells her that her final forceful thrust at the end was an impressive bit of arm wrestling.

To paraphrase Chika, A society that allows weak anime to go about their business oblivious to their own weakness is in serious need of a reset! Thankfully, Love is War is back, and remains at the top of the anime mountain; a no -cavities, low-sugar, low-carb show that never goes to bed before at least 30 minutes of muscle training.

Kaguya-sama: Love is War 2 – 04 – Little Girl, Big Talk

It’s been three days since the StuCo disbanded, but Kaguya and Miyuki haven’t so much as spoken. Hayasaka finds Kaguya’s lack of progress pathetic considering how many romantic events she and Miyuki have shared.

A frustrated Kaguya lashes out, challenging Hayasaka to get Miyuki to fall for her. Hayasaka accepts, breaking out an adorable new persona with which to seduce Miyuki as Kaguya jealously watches in the shadows.

Hayasaka is a pro at this (what else is new), and gets off to a great start by chatting Miyuki up in a bookstore then getting him to have a coffee with her as she considers a computer purchase. Ultimately, Hayasaka ends up the loser, even though she offers to be a “side piece” should he already like someone.

Turns out liking someone else means Miyuki’s not interested in anyone else, period. A bitter Hayasaka insists her loss was due to the need to get the job done in one day; given more time, she’s confident she would have prevailed. I believe her!

Miyuki determines there’s no one better to write his campaign speeches than Kaguya, but has trouble approaching her in her class. Enter Hayasaka in “Gal” mode (whom he can’t tell is the same person who asked him out the other day), who bursts in and makes a huge production of Miyuki coming to see Kaguya on a matter of great importance.

News that he asked to meet her behind the school causes the entire student body to convulse in anticipation that these two top students are going to become a couple. The hype takes on a mind of its own as their meeting is built up as the can’t-miss school event of the decade.

When the big moment comes, both Miyuki and Kaguya are very much aware of their huge, expectant audience. Only Kaguya says she doesn’t mind it, while Chika is completely oblivious to the vibe and complicates matters by coming off as the third side of a love triangle.

Miyuki knows he’s suffer a political price if he embarasses Kaguya with his piddling speech request, so he makes the request in a whisper, inches from her face. Similarly safe from prying ears, Kaguya tells him the answer is yes—whether it’s to write him speeches or something else entirely.

It’s a good thing Kaguya is on Miyuki’s team, because he may have some stiff competition in the election in the person of first-year Iino Miko, this season’s newest character. Miko is at the top of her class, president of the morals committee, and believes having a “commoner” like Miyuki as president is an affront.

Tomita Miyu (Made in Abyss’ Riko, BokuBen’s Rizu)’s performance is appropriate for a pint-sized character packed with power. Before he knows it, Miyuki is caught up in her competitive, adversarial spirit, seeing her as his political rival in the fight of his life.

He and Yuu even mock her for relying on her pure ideals without a track record of success to fall back on, to the point Chika tries to stop them from sounding like villains. Then Miko brings Chika over to her side by expressing her admiration for Chika’s piano prowess and other positive qualities, and offering her the vice presidency if she joins Team Iino.

Chika later reconsiders her quick turnabout, but the fact remains Miko seems to be a larger threat than Miyuki or Yuu think. When Miyuki sees her wholesome flyer his confidence in beating her only rises, when I really think he shouldn’t be listening to Yuu and be preparing for a tough campaign.

Right off the bat, Miko is thankfully presented as someone who isn’t interested in Miyuki, and not just because she doesn’t know him and he’s in her way. Rather than a rival to Kaguya, I can see Kaguya closing ranks with Miyuki even more in the face of an adversary who thinks so little of the man she loves—a catalyst for their growing closer. In any case, this should be a fun campaign!

Kaguya-sama: Love is War 2 – 03 – Okay to Be Selfish

Kaguya and Miyuki are both dedicated combatants in their ongoing War of Love, except for certain special occasions. This week is one of those occasions: there’s a bright harvest moon and a clear sky, and Miyuki wants to gaze at it from the roof of the school.

Kaguya tries to find a way to embarrass him by getting him to lend her his jacket or share the same teacup, but Miyuki is so “moony from the moon” all pride and shame fall by the wayside. When Kaguya brings up her legendary royal namesake as the reason she hates the moon, Miyuki presents his interpretation of the tale.

To him, Princess Kaguya didn’t offer her lover on earth an immortality potion so he could find another love, but as a message that she’d one day return to him, long after a human’s normal lifespan…and he’d wait as long as it took for Kaguya to return.

He continues to wax poetic until an overheated Kaguya can’t endure anymore and flees. However, Miyuki still loses when he comes off his “moon high” the next day and realizes all the embarrassing things he said.

One reason everyone went along with Miyuki’s moongazing session was that the StuCo will be disbanding soon, so opportunities will grow less frequent and carry more weight. In the second and final segment the council members go through the accumulated items from their various adventures together—some of which Yuu is sore about not being present for.

Once everything is packed up, the lights are out, and the doors to the 67th Student Council close for the last time, Chika can’t help but start to tear up, and Kaguya can’t help but cry in response.

During a celebratory dinner at a family restaurant, Kaguya realizes that since Miyuki isn’t President anymore she has to call him something else…but just can’t because it’s too embarrassing and scandalous.

Of course, Chika inadvertently rubs Kaguya’s inability in her face by calling the former president by his first name like it’s nothing. Yuu even gives him a cute nickname “Myu.”

Once Chika and Yuu have gone home and Miyuki has walked Kaguya to her front gate, she considers how few opportunities they’ll have to see each other without the StuCo or any classes to connect them. It makes her feel lonely, but even if she became the new president and Miyuki was her veep, she knows he’d work too hard, when he already has the letter of recommendation from the Board of Trustees.

To want more would be selfish, and she tells herself she shouldn’t be selfish…but when push comes to shove she can’t give up Miyuki that easily. She grabs his arm and asks him if she can be selfish, by asking him to serve as president one more year. Turns out he’d already secretly filled out the candidate application, hoping she’d be the one to bring it up.

So, as is usually the case, Romantic Kaguya wins when Combatant Kaguya loses, as she does here. That is, if Miyuki ends up winning the election; there seems to be a new contender interested in the job!

Chuubyou Gekihatsu Boy – 07 – Girl on the Inside

All Hijiri Mizuki has wanted to do is live her school life in peace, which is why, she still hasn’t considered herself a true member of the Hero Club (and rejects the nickname Pink). But when pressed by Nanako, she admits she’s enjoying it.

Because she enjoys it; because, for all of the boys’ outbursts, it has become a part of her peaceful school life, she doesn’t quite feel right when the StuCo brings her in and starts disparaging the club and threatening to disband it.

The StuCo recognizes Mizuki as someone they can potentially use to keep the Hero Club in line as the cultural festival looms, and she is all too happy to be that person, since they are at least in agreement the club could stand to be less rowdy.

To this end, Mizuki takes charge of managing the club’s job requests, and splits the members up to take on jobs that are not only best suited to their skills, but will also create the least disturbance. In this way, Mizuki is trying to find the happy medium between unchecked chaos and the club being shut down. Where the most outbursty member Yamato is concerned, she uses her hero tickets to keep him in line—which doesn’t seem tenable.

Even so, keeping the peace proves difficult, as even tutoring upperclassmen, Kazuhiro is going to do his thing, while Futaba causes a disturbance by dint of being so popular with the ladies. The StuCo is watching, and appreciates Mizuki’s efforts, urging her to keep it up.

Keeping Yamato out of trouble inevitably means putting herself in same, as she ends up in an off-limits pond filled with aggressive carp. She saves Benjamin the Cat, but ends up in the drink herself. Thankfully, the other club members learned of her whereabouts and arrived en masse to rescue him, led by Yamato, proving his worth as a legit hero when needed.

Mizuki is so happy she’s in tears, and likely feels a bit bad considering she was working against Yamato all this time. But even that isn’t enough to satisfy the StuCo, who considers it unacceptable for the club to be trespassing regardless of context, and begins preparing to bring the club down. After trying to work with the StuCo, I imagine Mizuki will fight to stop their plans…and she won’t have to fight alone!

Okaa-san Online – 01 (First Impressions) – ZOMRPG, MOM!!!

One night, Oosuki is filling out a survey heavy on questions about his relationship to his mother, and the next morning a government official informs him that he’s been selected to enter a video game world. But he doesn’t go alone. His mom follows him in, and will be joining him on his full-dive fantasy adventure!

That’s the high concept, broad-strokes premise to an episode that then proceeds to take its sweet old time immersing Masato and his mom into this new world, an as-yet-unnamed MMO that’s still in beta. Their role is to play the game so that the producers can gather data.

Masato already has reservations about his mom following him along for this once-in-a-lifetime experience, but they turn to downright frustration when she demonstrates she can dual-wield legendary weapons and decimate multiple targets at once. His basic attack is pathetic by comparison.

So, of course, he lashes out, threatening to “disown” his mom in a moment of unguarded rage. That’s when his mom (named Mamako) starts to cry, telling him no one has ever said anything so mean and sad to her. He quickly backtracks, apologizing profusely, and his mom, being a very nice mom, easily forgives him.

They teleport into a town to gather a party at the Adventurer’s Guild, but after pulling the game guide out of her bust, Mamako decides to make a strong first impression by smashing a giant hole into the guild hall, much to Masato’s dismay.

Shirase, the woman who sent them into the game, is there to greet them, bleeding from the head (turns out she’s a game object and the blood is just an effect). And naturally, as they look over party members, Mamako is thinking about finding a nice young woman to team up with him.

Okaa-san Online takes the opposite approach of Arifureta and starts us off at the very beginning of Masato and Mamako’s story, but I still felt an inescapable impatience with the slow pace and the episode’s need to explain terms like “PK”, as if this was someone’s first isekai rodeo.

There’s also the little matter of the show looking pretty atrocious. Like the game in which mother and son find themselves (though I don’t mind their white pupils, like Moriko’s in MMO Junkie), the show just feels sparse and incomplete, both visually and conceptually, what with its lazy, unimaginative hand-waving.

The music has its epic moments, but can be too assertive during quieter scenes. And while the underlying premise is pretty funny at first blush, the comedic dialogue and pacing is iffy at best. With execution lacking in effort and attention to detail, I can’t see myself sticking with this for long. After all, Mama didn’t raise no fool.

Ao-chan Can’t Study! – 10 – …But She CAN Run!

Ao is utterly apathetic about the upcoming sports festival, until she learns Takumi will be on the cheer squad, and dedicates herself to training hard for the 800m run so she can experience the joy of being cheered on by the guy she likes.

Kudos for the show finally portraying these two as a comfortable, easygoing couple, even if they’re not 100% officially “dating;” it’s nice to see Ao not only publicly acknowledging her interest in Takumi (already well known in her class) but contributing to him making the decision to participate.

Of course, there has to be a conflict of some kind (beyond winning the race) and it comes in the form of her father, who has embarrassed her at every level of her education during the sports festival. When she bans him from this one, he bans her from ever moving out, and the two.

Yet, despite their fight, and despite the fact Ao made sure Yabe increased his workload tenfold, her father still makes it to the festival. Ao notices him just after having a talk with Takumi, who tells her he’s probably not that upset over their fight and that she should just talk to him.

While Pops gets to apologize, and explains his presence as having done all the work put before him with maximum efficiency, all so he could watch her compete, Ao is about to apologize back, but it’s time to run. Her dad joins Takumi and the cheer squad, and Ao takes the lead, but starts flagging in the home stretch.

This is when Pops fulfills Ao’s worst fear, yelling for her to hold onto her “G-cups” so she can run faster. This embarrasses her, Takumi, the cheer squad, and also freezes the other runners, as well as energizes Ao into finding her second wind and finishing first. But her Pops doesn’t escape a beatdown for his raunchy words.

Of course all of this could have been avoided if the show remembered there are these things called sports bras, to be used while running, jumping, and doing other athletic things!

Senryuu Shoujo – 08 – Grand Unveiling

It’s Summer, which means Summer Vacation, which means swimsuits. Amane wants to attract a man, and asks Tao to use her crystal ball to help her pick one out for that purpose. For her part, Nanako doesn’t even own one, as she hasn’t been in a pool since she was little.

Amane takes Tao, Nanako and Kino to the store where they are faced with far too large a selection. All the while, Tao’s ball suggests a slingshot bikini for Amane that is “just strings,” while Eiji is ambushed in his room by Koto in a stunning black bikini. If he’s going to have eyes for another girl, she’s clearly making sure he knows what he’s missing.

Nanako, by nature a modest person, starts out with a swimsuit indistinguishable from a dress, then a sarong, but eventually settles on a white bikini that catches the attention of everyone at the pool. It happens to be the same pool where Eiji is taking his little sister, which means he’s present for Nanako’s “grand unveiling” (Amane’s term, not mine!)

She runs back into the changing room, and when Amane tells him what the deal is, he apologizes to Nanako and tells her he’ll keep his distance and avert his gaze. Of course, Nanako wants neither of those things, and so rushes back outside to grab him and assert that it’s okay for him to look, a little—all using a tanzaku she seemingly conjured out of nowhere!

Grand Blue – 04 – Trying Hard in a Bad Way

There’s no diving in the ocean this week, but Chisa, Iori and Kohei all “dive into” a new experience: being on stage, in front of hundreds if not thousands of spectators. But first, they help man the Okonomiyaki stall at the Izu Spring Festival.

While on a break, Iori fails to clear up Asuza’s misunderstanding about him being bi, but only when Asuza tells him how nice it is to have someone else to talk to about it. This is how you know beneath all the drunken boorishness Iori has a good heart: while the truth is always better, it also hurts, and he doesn’t want to hurt a friend if he doesn’t have to.

However, he does want to talk about it with Chisa, so on the next break the two are left alone, and I love how they work the griddle like a single highly-polished unit, dazzling the customers—but they don’t notice how skilled they’re being! Unfortunately, not much comes of the talk; Chisa assumes Iori is nervous because Asuza is so pretty, not because Asuza thinks he’s bi.

Asuza and her sister also insist she wear something more appropriate than her regular street clothes for the 4PM women’s pageant. Iori knows Chisa well, and so knows when Chisa is nervous. She stiffens up, and her aura and responses initially come off as cold and curt. They want to help her, but he and dating-sim expert Kohei only have bad ideas that make things worse.

When they try to make her smiling by smiling at her, but their grins come off as creepy and off-putting. Ditto posing shirtless as a club and raising a banner professing their love for her.

Finally they agree to throw a bunch of bouncy balls on the stage that will flip her skirt up and show her bashful side. They get it, but it’s bashfulness cut with seething rage. Iori knows he went too far, and only went as far as he did because he thought everyone would do it.

While Iori is hiding from Chisa’s wrath with Kohei, the latter is pounced upon by another woman who was part of the pageant; one with makeup so thick they use the nickname “cakey” on her. She asks Kohei out; Kohei hesitates and she storms off.

They go to the drinking party hosted by the rugby club. Chisa initially forgave Iori for the upskirt incident, but when he mentions how he’ll buy her sexier underwear, he’s back on her shitlist, and she intends to make him suffer with two liters of shochu.

While getting some air, Iori and Kohei again encounter Cakey, whose real name is Yoshiwara Aina. She’s deep into her own cups, and proves a very…emotive drunk. But she also provides the lads with a clearer picture of her deal; she was accepted into the tennis club of beautiful people, but basically only so they could laugh at her, and when they got bored, they told her she could leave.

Iori and Kohei decide to use the pageant as a means to not only raise Aina’s spirits, but to give the cocky blue-haired tennis captain a dose of his own medicine. And yet by getting swept up in this new mission, they forget about Chisa.

Kohei sets a trap by confessing to Asuza on stage; the captain does the same, only for the lads to reveal “Asuza” was really Iori in disguise. In other words, they balance the distribution of laughter, disproving her belief it was eternally directed at her.

All’s well that ends well, as Iori and Kohei may well have made a new friend who is grateful for what they did for her…but the partying that follows leaves the lads horrendous wrecks, unable to protect the winner of the women’s pageant—Chisa—from another round of advances from guys, which she hates more than anything.

Up to this point, I had felt like Chisa was too often being defined through Iori, as Iori’s love interest. But Asuza makes clear to the other guys why exactly Chisa is upset: Iori and Kohei worked hard, but for the other girl, not her. In a rare instance of seeking/expecting protection from them, they let her down.

And so just as the tennis captain got his comeuppance, so must Iori. Upon receiving her award for winning the pageant, Chisa delcares to all assembled that she’s off the market: Iori is her boyfriend. Iori can’t protest, because he’s passed out.

In effect, Chisa has made delicious lemonade with the lemons she was dealt: Iori will repel other guys for her. He’ll be her shield. Considering how popular the pageant made Chisa with the guys, it won’t be an easy job; Iori may well prefer the tranquility of the ocean floor!

Grand Blue – 03 – Stepping into a New World

Diving involves a lot of equipment in good order, which means it’s quite a costly activity for a college club to be involved in; far costlier than, say, the tiddly winks club or the pogo stick club. Iori and Kouhei are informed of this in a matter-of-fact way, meaning they will have to help contribute to club funds.

They already have a way for them to contribute right away: by participating in the Izu Spring Festival’s Inter-Club Men’s Beauty Pageant. But before that, Ryuu takes Iori out for his very first scuba-diving lesson. Before he departs, he gets words from encouragement from Chisa.

Chisa is clearly excited that her old friend is about to experience something she’s already familiar with—and which she loves. Things start out a bit rough, as Iori isn’t used to the kind of breathing one does in scuba gear, and when his mask floods he panics.

But once everything is readjusted, he remembers what Chisa showed him at the aquarium, and it’s like stepping through the doorway into a new world. You can see the switch flip in Iori’s head from panic to nirvana, and the look of joy and wonder on his face is plain to see—and something that delights Chisa. “Good, he gets it now,” she seems to be thinking.

The wonder and joy lead to excessive celebration, which is nothing new to Iori and Kouhei, but what is new is the manner in which Iori finds himself waking up: beside a buxom half-naked woman a couple years her senior. This is how he meets third-year student and fellow diving club member Hamaoka Azusa.

Azusa is the kind of girl who doesn’t mind sleeping in the same room with a bunch of guys, but she’s also a good cook, and teaches Iori, Kouhei and Chisa how to make okonomiyaki to raise more funds for the club at the festival. The festival where, in exchange for not having to compete in the boy’s pageant, the boys must convince Chisa to compete in the girls’ pageant.

The lads, likely still hungover, decide the best way to convince Chisa is to liquor her up so she’ll be more open to the pageant. However, each time they try to slip her a spiked drink, she either already has one, politely declines, it’s taken by Azusa, or one or both of them have to take the drink. Before long, they’re drunk as skunks.

Azusa also reveals she knows what they’re up to—to the heretofore unaware but now horrified Chisa—and forces them to confess their true goal. They ask Chisa to enter the pageant; she refuses; and they reveal that they’re trying to get her to enter so they don’t have to.

That night, the lads play naked rock-paper-scissors, which Azusa joins in but doesn’t have to shed a single article of clothing as she whoops everyone. She gets Chisa to admit that it’s not that she doesn’t want to enter, but more that she doesn’t want to bear the embarrassment of the pageant all alone. Azusa also points out that the only reason they asked her at all is because they were supremely confident all she’d have to do is enter and her victory would be assured.

So Chisa agrees to enter…but only if Iori and Kouhei enter too. Thus the embarrassment is shared, if one loses one of the other two could still win, and if all three win, the club funds are tripled, so everyone wins. When the means with which to enter a new world are so expensive, sometimes you just gotta shake what your mama gave ya…proverbially!

3D Kanojo: Real Girl – 12 (Fin) – Whatever It Is Between Us, It’s Not Worthless

Igarashi Chika seems like a last-minute addition to the cast in order to create one last conflict that will test Hikari and Iroha’s bond of love and trust, but he’s a lot less of a douche than I thought he’d be. When he learns that Hikari’s glasses were a gift from his late grandmother, he promptly has them replaced. Takanashi still hasn’t publicly atoned for the shit he did to Hikari, and he’s somehow in the clear, but here’s Chika, doing the right thing without delay.

Sure, he deems Hikari too mediocre to date his sister and suggests he break up if their relationship isn’t “worth” anything, that’s typical Unbidden Brother Protection, and he doesn’t make it an order; he puts the ball in Hikari’s court by making him ask himself: what can he do for Iroha, besides the “nothing” of which he only believes himself capable?

After an advice session with Ishino that costs him the price of two big parfaits, Hikari settles on a token of his commitment to and bond with Iroha: a ring. Ishino raises the difficulty level by saying he can’t simply trade in his otaku junk for the scratch to buy one; he should work for it, and arranges a part-time job as an amusement park mascot (sadly, not at Amaburi).

However, while Hikari only has the best intentions in terms of wanting to see her smile, like she did when he made her a figurine of herself, he demonstrates that he still has a lot to learn by basically cutting Iroha entirely off without explaining why.

The desire not to spoil the surprise actually ends up hurting Iroha, especially when she doesn’t have any answers for Chika, who decides to back her against a wall while reminding her that they’re not actually related by blood. Considering how the episode ends, seems like a bit of a non sequitur. Ultimately, he lets Iroha be, hoping it all works out and she isn’t hurt by Hikari.

Professions of absolute trust notwithstanding, Iroha knows what she has to do to put her mind truly at ease: ask Hikari directly what’s going on. She gains her courage from Itou of all people, who she checks in on after he’s hit in the face with a soccer ball.

Itou was distracted and fatigued by his continued struggles trying to get Ayado to notice him like a girl notices a boy, rather than simply a messenger who relays invitations to her on behalf of his circle of friends.

I still don’t think Ayado would consider Itou completely out of the question as a partner, but Itou decides to end his particular part in the show still firmly on the fence. He’s unable to do what he inspires Iroha to do: tell the person he loves how he truly feels.

It’s not an exaggeration to say a great deal of luck is involved in lasting relationships. Like, say, the luck of having purchased a ring to gift to your girlfriend the very day she finally confronts you about what you’ve been doing after school. It’s not the best ring, but after he was able to measure her finger while she slept at his desk (which I guess isn’t creepy if you’re dating…) he couldn’t hold himself back from buying one.

He slips it on Iroha, whose tears of frustration turn to joy, they share a kiss right there in the school hallway. After the credits we see Hikari, Iroha, Itou, Ishino and Takanashi (but notably not Ayado) at Takanashi’s latest ramen find. And that about does it?

Wait: What about all that foreshadowing about Hikari and Iroha’s relationship being a ticking clock due to her having to move? It’s not addressed. Itou’s Ayado odyssey ends on an ellipsis. Takanashi still shoots down any tortured attempt from Ishino to get him to go out with her.

So, if I had the time machine from Steins;Gate (or anywhere, really) and had the chance to decide whether to watch 3D Kanojo again? Well, probably. Despite its horrrrrrible animation and many untied loose ends, I still felt like it had some interesting things to say about first love, particularly from the perspective of two “less-than-ordinary” personalities.

Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card – 15 – A Phone Call, Daidouji Videos, and a Quake

After yet another ominous scene with Akiho, her (still motionless) rabbit, and Yuna D. Kaito reminding us that there’s Something Up With Those Three, we return to Sakura’s house where she’s braiding Meiling’s hair.

Talk turns to how Sakura’s dad has always cut her hair, Yukito cuts her brother’s and her brother cuts her father’s…but when Syaoran comes up, Sakura can’t mask her worry.

Meiling’s solution is to simply call him, and then hands the phone off so the two lovebirds can talk. Syaoran says he’s fine (or at least he says he is), so Sakura is able to continue her day without worrying about him.

That day consists of Sakura, Meiling, and Akiho meeting up to visit Tomoyo’s mansion, and are welcomed at the door by her mother,  who finished a bunch of phone calls early and cancelled her schedule just to be able to greet her beloved, adorable Sakura. Far from feeling hurt about this, Tomoyo is on the same page as her mom: Sakura IS adorable!

Tomoyo then drops a big surprise on Sakura: she’s invited them to try out her new super-deluxe home theater, where she proceeds to play the Nadeshiko festival play in which Sakura and Syaoran starred—another nice callback to older iterations of the series.

The chemistry between Sakura and Syaoran is apparent not just in their on-stage performance (which was interrupted by an earthquake) but behind-the-scenes footage of them learning their dance steps.

Sakura is mortified beyond belief by all this footage—she doesn’t like to be on display, despite her occupation—but Tomoyo is merciless, and Akiho and Meiling also get a kick out of all of the heartwarming film…as did I!

Sakura tries to get revenge by mentioning Tomoyo singing, and Tomoyo has no choice but to play it for Akiho, but their viewing party is suddenly interrupted…by another earthquake. Sakura hides behind a chair to release her staff, then puts Akiho, Tomoyo’s mom, and the house staff to sleep with Snooze lest too many learn her identity. With that, she uses Flight to sprout wings and survey shaky ground from a safe height.

Considering Akiho described exactly what happened last week as being a chapter from her white clock book, with Sakura in the role of “Alice”, it’s a good bet the next chapter involves an earthquake. We’ll have to wait until next week to learn how Alice manages to resolve the situation, as the episode ends on a bit of a cliffhanger.

Karakai Jouzu no Takagi-san – 12 (Fin) – A Gentle Nudge Past the Status Quo

The last episode of KJT starts with a long shot of Takagi looking over at Nishikata without trying to look like she’s looking. It’s the first time we’ve seen her since Nishikata unwittingly made her heart go dokidoki, and when we hear that the girls in class are on a letter-writing kick, it’s natural to assume Takagi would join in.

When Nishikata finds a love letter in his textbook, he does everything he can to keep that information from Takagi…right up until she tells him she put it there, she wants him to read it before school ends, because she wants his “answer” by then.

When Nishikata discovers the “love” letter is really just a written request to walk home together like they always do, Takagi gets the reaction she wanted. But in a way, it was a love letter, albeit a coded one: Nishikata’s reactions provide her nearly as much info as direct words.

Her ability to read him like a large-print book goes back to when they first met and spoke, back on their very first day of school. Nishikata is late, but not because he overslept. Takagi senses he wants to set the record straight, and her first words to her new desk neighbor are “you didn’t really oversleep, right?”

Later, Takagi is the one who’s late, giving Nishikata cover, but also sets up her first guessing game with Nishikata, correctly guessing he was late because he found her handkerchief and brought it to the staff room.

Nishikata (unaware that she was “Takagi-san” until just then) reacts in the over-the-top flustered manner we’re used to by now—only it’s the first time Takagi is watching it. From that day onward, she was hooked.

Back in the present, Nishikata receives bad news: there’s to be a seat rearrangement. Nishikata pretends it doesn’t bother him, but Takagi doesn’t hide her dispiritedness, which in turn makes Nishikata dispirited. The status quo is at stake!

Nishikata ends up joining someone else despondent over the rearrangement: Mano-chan, who was perfectly content next to her boyfriend Nakai-kun, and whose life is now essentially over. Then Nishikata loses his one chance to switch seats with Kimura-kun, and sinks into his new desk of despair beside Mano-chan.

Thankfully, things didn’t end there: through a number of seat switches, Mano and Nakai end up up front together, while Takagi returns to Nishikata’s side. Nishikata can barely hide his relief.

Then she asks what he wanted to say earlier, and he produces her handkerchief, which she used to bandage his knee a while back, and which also brought them together on the first day of school. Nishikata expresses his gratitude he was able to return it, and that they’re next to each other again; the feeling is mutual. For once, he says what he feels without worrying about being teased.

That night, while inspecting her hankie, a little note slips out, and suddenly Takagi is in the same position Nishikata is when he found the love letter in his book. It’s no confession, just a simple “Thank you”…but it’s another critical hit on Takagi, who plops onto the bed and buries her head in her pillow, giddy with delight.

It would be an understatement to say I’ll miss Takagi and Nishikata. Could I watch the duo grow closer and closer together as they enter high school, college, and eventually adulthood? You BETCHA. But since that’s sadly unlikely to happen, I have to be satisfied with the snippet of their lives that we got. And I am, very much so!

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