Tag: makeup

The Apothecary Diaries – 17 – Extreme Makeunder

Maomao may be short and scrawny, but she’s also very pretty. She just goes out of her way to look as plain and unexceptional as possible, and we know why: to avoid the attention of most men. But Jinshi has seen her in her plain-ifying “armor” and all dolled up like a high-class courtesan, and he’s smitten. Suiren knows it. Gaoshun knows it. The only one who doesn’t know it is Maomao.

That’s why she has no problem giving Jinshi “the Maomao treatment”, i.e. the makeover that’s more of a makeunder. He wants to look like a commoner, but considering his (probably royal) birth, upbringing, military training, and privileged life, he has no idea how to come off that way. Fortunately, Maomao is as expert at frumpifying beauties as she is mixing medicines.

When all’s said and done, Jinshi, or I should say “Jinka”, has more weathered hair with a plain cloth tie, a darker completion, and a less impressive build … and he’s still a handsome devil. Maomao just knows she was right not to dress him up as a woman instead, for she’d fear it would plunge the nation into war; they’ve been fought for less beautiful women.

While Maomao gets to have a little fun, Suiren gets to have fun with her in turn, transforming her into a well-off young lady and again accentuating a natural beauty and elegance that, now that I’ve heard Lakan’s tale, could well be due to the fact her mother was a comely courtesan. While in town, she gets to drop the -sama for “Jinka”, while he addresses her as ojou-sama—though unfortunately Aoi Yuuki doesn’t bless us with an ojou laugh.

Jinshi is initially upset that their little jaunt into town isn’t filled with more lively conversation, but Maomao simply doesn’t have anything to discuss with him at the moment. That said, both he and we get Maomao at her absolute most adorable when she spots some freshly-made chicken skewers and buys some for the two of them. I’m half surprised her smile wasn’t followed by the sound of a gunshot shooting straight through Jinshi’s heart.

When the chicken is gone, so are the smiles, and Jinshi starts getting the feeling Maomao wants to be free of him at her nearest convenience. He asks if palace life is really so bad, and she says it isn’t. She likes where she’s at and it’s preferable to being out in the pleasure district, but she worries about her elderly adoptive dad, whom Jinshi didn’t know about until now.

When Maomao says her dad traveled abroad to learn Western as well as Eastern medicine, Jinshi is surprised, because only a chosen few are given imperial permission to leave the country. He also wonders why someone as talented as the man who trained Maomao lives in poverty. She chalks that up to bad luck and a complete lack of business sense.

As the sun becomes low, Jinshi decides to come right out and ask Maomao what he was hoping to ask the acquaintence he was going to meet today: How does one decrease the value of a courtesan? After declaring such a question “unpleasant”, she gets into the manner in which the beautiful girls are separated from the non-beautiful ones.

The latter group sells their bodies immediately after their debuts, while the beautiful ones continue to hone their various talents like music, conversation, go, tea ceremony, etc, while many their chastity. A courtesan’s primary value lies in their purity. 

Maomao estimates that taking one’s chastity would halve their value, while impregnating one would reduce it to “nearly nothing.” While these both seem like no-brainers, just as Jinshi didn’t consider how he smelled or how straight his posture was, Maomao’s is a world he’s simply never lived in.

The Apothecary Diaries – 13 – Return to the Garden

Exerting what authority he has, Jinshi manages to use his largess to successfully wrest Maomao back from the Verdigris House lest she eventually fall into the same line of work as her big-in-more-ways-than-one courtesan sisters.

In a way, it’s a soft reset for her life in the palace: no longer the victim of a kidnapping or on a forged ledger as the relative of a disgraced lady-in-waiting, both her dad and her sisters now know where she’ll be, and she’ll be able to return home without subterfuge.

On her last night under her dad’s roof before returning to the palace, she pulls her futon right beside his, declaring it a cold night. He notes she hasn’t done this since she was little. While she’s not able to ask him about the circumstances that got him tossed from the palace, she can be his little girl for one more night.

When Jinshi arrives with Gaoshun to collect Maomao, he finds she’s been dolled up to the nines by Meimei, Pairin, and Joka, to the point she looks like a high-class courtesan and  fourth Verdigris princess. Loading her up with things she’ll need and beautifying her for her sendoff are their way of expressing their love for her.

Jinshi cannot help but blush at the sight of her, and when she gets compliments by passersby upon entering his carriage, she blames him. He almost tells her it’s not his fault she’s so pretty, but can’t quite manage it. Even if he did it would only engender confusion in Maomao. Will Jinshi ever be able to properly express what she means to him?

Maomao learns she won’t be returning to the garden of the Inner Palace due to politics, but rather the adjacent Outer Court. Specifically, she’ll be living and working in Jinshi’s own sprawling residence and offices. She meets Jinshi’s one and only attendant, the older Suiren, who like Gaoshun addresses Maomao as Xiaomao (which I believe can mean “kitten” but also “reverent towards the aged”).

She’s up early her first morning, which allows her a look at Fresh-out-of-Bed Jinshi. She notes he exerts a dangerous amount of sexual energy, such that she considers whether she could bottle his essence as an aphrodesiac.  But Maomao is happy to help Suiren, whose housekeeping duties are a considerable load for one woman, Jinshi pointedly doesn’t want Maomao to be his servant.

This is the Outer Court, where the women are not courtesans but “court ladies”, educated, resourceful, and proud, but also not a part of the emperor’s “garden”—that last point is especially important to Jinshi. But to become a full-fledged court lady Maomao must observe, learn, and study a pile of textbooks.

Books aside, her proximity to Jinshi gains some unwanted attention from the established court ladies, who approach her en masse to ask her what exactly her frikkin’ deal is. Maomao gets slapped for asking if they’re jealous, but changes tack by noting her ugliness, revealing her poison tesbed left arm, and assuring them she’s a pity case for Jinshi.

It seems to work on most of them, but one court lady in particular isn’t as animated in her disapproval of Maomao, nor is she quite buying what Maomao is selling. Another day, when spotting some medicinal herbs to harvest in a dark corridor, this same woman bops her on the head and tells her she shouldn’t be wandering past a certain point.

Part of me believes this woman isn’t trying to put Maomao in her place or establish dominance, but is simply warning her and actually has her back. I hope we get her name at some point, because aside from Jinshi and Gaoshun, Maomao could use some friends in this new place.

While the Outer Court is a “safer” place for Maomao as far as Jinshi is concerned, it’s a lot more dangerous than the Inner Palace in one key aspect: it’s full of men. Men who still have their men parts. Military men.

Gaoshun warns her to stay away from them in particular, and I hope she’ll heed them, but like a cat, sometimes her curiosity gets the better of her. One older fellow with a monocle appears intrigued by Maomao’s arrival; I’m sure we’ll learn what his deal is before long, and whether he’s friend or foe to Maomao and Jinshi.

The Apothecary Diaries – 12 – A Garden and a Cage

The fallout to Fengming’s execution extends to 80 of the 2,000 occupants of the Inner Palace, and Maomao is among the mass layoffs. Jinshi has the power to bury Maomao’s tenuous connection to Fengming’s fam, but doesn’t want to go against Maomao’s wishes to leave the palace.

Little does he know that with layoffs looming (something she learns about through Xiaolan, natch), Maomao would rather stay in the palace. In addition to being able to taste for poisons, if she returns to Verdigris before her debts are repaid the madam will sell her off.

In what just might be the first time she tries to seek out Jinshi of her own volition, Maomao runs all over the palace and asks everyone where he is, before finding him atop a stair looking aloof. He knows why she wants to talk to him.

Here we have Jinshi, who has become accustomed to having Maomao around and finds her presence uniquely soothing, and Maomao, someone who has become accustomed to life in the palace, each wanting the same thing: for Maomao to stay put.

But thanks to Maomao trying to ask to stay without it coming off as begging, she puts it in a way that makes it sound like she’s resigned to being used as just a tool or pawn, when Jinshi already feels like it’s more complicated than that.

Thinking he’s giving her what she wants, he grants her release, making clear she’ll be compensated. Maomao is shocked, while Jinshi is an absolute mess for over a week after she leaves. Gyokuyou also makes clear he’ll regret firing her food taster.

At least thanks to the extra compensation, Maomao is in no immediate danger of being sold off to some codger. But she’s still under the Madam’s employ, which means accompanying Verdigris’ Three Princesses to an on site soiree for a ridiculously wealthy general.

Both the princesses and Madam note how pretty Maomao is when she ditches the freckles and cleans up, and Maomao knows Madam would love it if she became a full-fledge courtesan. The thing is, Maomao just doesn’t see how that would be fulfilling to someone like her, so obsessed with herbs, fungus, and medicine.

Jinshi just happens to be in attendance at the soiree, and he’s still moping when Maomao comes to his table, where he asks her to buzz off until he realizes it’s her. When Maomao says she’s a courtesan, his first concern is whether she’s had personal clients, to which she responds in the negative … for now. The for now gets him too.

It’s here where Jinshi and Maomao learn that they misinterpreted each other. Maomao believed she was of too low a rank to ask to stay, while Jinshi believed she wanted to leave. They both need to work on expressing how they feel and what they want to each other.

To that end, Jinshi asks if Maomao will bend the standing rules against touching the courtesans and let him touch her face with his fingers. She agrees, and he ends up contacting her lips. He then brings his fingers, stained by her liptick, to his lips—a blatant indirect kiss.

The two are so engrossed with one another they don’t notice the Three Princess’ performance has paused and all eyes are on them. The ladies are impressed that she is so friendly with such a hottie.

The unexpected reunion with Jinshi lingers with Maomao, who can’t sleep and heads outside late at night with a gourd of booze. We get another lovely insert song as she remembers all the good times and bad at the palace.

The palace and the brothels may be no different at the end of the day, serving as both gardens and cages, but the one thing the palace has that the brothels don’t is someone like Jinshi.

One day, Jinshi pays an unannounced visit to the Veridgris House, and he doesn’t come empty-handed. A hefty chest full of gold for the Madam, and a sample of a unique insect-grown herb for Maomao; both offerings are like catnip to the two women. But these are not mere gifts, but payment. In exchange, he asks for “a certain girl”—Maomao, of course.

Perhaps it wasn’t merely a horrible miscalculation to allow Maomao to be fired from the palace. Jinshi already sees her as more than a toy or a pawn, and now that she’s no longer an employee of the palace, maybe he deems it more appropriate to … court her?

Romance aside, watching Maomao and Jinshi’s complicated, nuanced relationship develop over this first cour was a delight to behold, and I’m looking forward to it developing further in the second.

The Apothecary Diaries – 07 – A Hairpin Away from Home

Unlike most teenagers, Maomao is not accustomed to sleeping in until noon, but when she does, she dreams of home; specifically, while on a walk with her elderly father. Gyokuyou and the other ladies-in-waiting insisted she take some time off after being poisoned, not understanding that it was an honor, not an ordeal, due to her poison kink.

When she insists on working, Gyokuyou has her meet with Gaoshun, who’d been loitering around waiting to speak to her. He’s brought the silver bowl of poison soup, which he makes clear Maomao is not to eat. Rather, he wants her to provide more insight about what happened. Enter Detective Maomao.

She dusts the bowl for fingerprints and discerns four separate sets, one of which was an outsider and thus the person who poisoned the soup. She also reveals, albeit through conjecture, to Gaoshun a system of sustained bullying of Lady Lishu by her own ladies-in-waiting.

Even if her taster hadn’t swapped bowls, the fact they all wore white and let Lishu wear a color that clashed with Gyokuyou made their feelings for her loud and clear. Yet Maomao still protected the taster, because she knows that taster didn’t understand what she was doing weighed against the value of her life.

Gaoshun thanks Maomao for her investigations and takes his report to a sleepless Jinshi who hasn’t even changed or removed a particularly important hairpin since the garden party. We see his “natural self” here, someone who’d rather laze about and whine than get shit done. Gaoshun knows this version of Jinshi well, since he’s been his attendant their whole lives.

Meanwhile, during her usual lunch with Xiaolan, Maomao learns that the four hairpins she received are no mere trinkets of favor: they are a form of currency that can be used to leave the Rear Palace, albeit temporarily, and with an escort. Surveying her hairpins, Maomao decides to reach out to the military officer Lihaku first.

When he gets a message from the Jade Pavilion lady-in-waiting, he immediately recalls she was the one making all the amorous faces while tasting poisoned soup. The hairpin was only meant to be obligation (like chocolate on Valentine’s Day); but he still decides to hear her out, even if he fully intends to turn her down.

The girl who meets with Lihaku doesn’t resemble the lady-in-waiting at the party at all; he makes two observations she’s heart many times before: that makeup completely changes her (though not in the way he thinks, as she uses it to hide her natural beauty) and she’s extremely bold for a young serving girl.

Maomao gets down to brass tacks: she wants to visit home, and Lihaku’s hairpin is her ticket out. That said, she offers something extremely valuable in exchange: not one or two but three letters of introduction from the Three Princesses of the Verdigris House—a brothel could claim a man of Lihaku’s rank’s yearly pay in a single night.

Lihaku thinks she’s having him on, so Maomao puts the screws to him, revealing she has other hairpins she can use to make the same offer to other men. Faced with this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Lihaku concedes defeat and agrees to escort her out of the palace.

The gift of hairpins is typically for courtship purposes, so Maomao’s fellow ladies and Gyokuyou think she’s being too naïve and blasé. Gyokuyou also uses the homecoming trip as a means of messing with Jinshi and amusing herself, as Maomao is already gone by the time Jinshi cleans himself up to visit her. Ladies gotta take small wins where they can in this world.

Lihaku dons his very best and hires a carriage for what is only a short trip to the red light district that could have been made on foot from the palace. While I knew Maomao lived in the imperial capital, I don’t think I realized just how damn close her home and father were, and yet how far away due to her status as an indentured servant.

That said, in ten months she was able to win passage out, and that’s pretty damn impressive for someone entirely devoid of ambition beyond finding new and exotic ways to poison herself. Upon arriving at the Verdigris House, she gets a punch to the gut from the old madame, as punishment for disappearing without a trace for so long.

That said, she did receive Maomao’s letter, and after a quick look at the young, muscular Lihaku, the madame has a servant whisk him away to meet with Pairain. We learn that Maomao is paying for a mere introduction, but with Lihaku’s physique and Pairan being Pairan, it might end up being more than that, so Madam will put the extra money on Maomao’s tab.

But having money doesn’t mean anything to Maomao. She’ll gladly give every penny to whoever if it means being able to walk through the door of her home and see her father again. He doesn’t seem the worse for wear, working the apothecary’s mortar and pestle as always.

There’s no melodrama to this reunion, just a ‘welcome home’ and a ‘glad you’re well’. That said, you can still feel the warmth and love and quintessential home-ness of this place. Maomao tells her father everything that’s happened in the last ten months, then hits they hay, planning to borrow a bath at the Verdigris tomorrow.

As she sleeps, her father considers her ending up at the palace to be a “twist of fate.” Between that, the fact he’s very old to be her biological father, there’s never been any mention of a mother, her hidden beauty, and that very evocative OP with a flower representing Maomao standing prominent among the others, it’s clear there are things Maomao doesn’t know about her lineage or destiny.

My theory? She was actually born in the inner palace, which made her kidnapping a return to her birthplace. She may even be of noble blood, but as she was a daughter born in a world where sons are preferred, she must’ve been cast out as a babe and then adopted. I find this all highly intriguing, even if she’s the last person to care about such things.

Rating: 4/5 Stars

The Apothecary Diaries – 06 – Poison, as a Treat

Maomao soon learns the extent to which an imperial garden party consists of a lot of standing around freezing your ass off. Even with the pocket warmers she prepared, it’s still cold out there in the open. The party is also an opportunity for the ladies-in-waiting of the four concubines to engage in petty sniping.

When Maomao sees that one of Lihua’s ladies-in-waiting who is talking shit about her is someone she’d already set straight back in the Crystal Pavilion, so it only takes one extremely unsettling look (while covering her lack of freckles) to cause her to flee in terror. She’s definitely gotten the hang of putting jerks in their place!

Maomao also learns, and is rightfully skeeved out, by the fact that the emperor’s youngest consort, Lishu, was technically his oldest consort Ah-Duo’s mother-in-law, despite being all of nine years old when she was with the previous emperor. Even now she’s still but fourteen—and her ladies-in-waiting don’t seem to be big fans of her.

When Maomao sees Lihua’s ladies freezing, she offers them some stones, but they recoil from her. That’s fine, because plenty of people like Maomao and show it by offering her hairpins. First there was Jinshi last week, then Lihaku, a Golden Retriever of an officer, and then most surprising of all but then again not, Lady Lihua gives her savior a hairpin. That said, I doubt Maomao is in any hurry to be poached from Gyokuyou.

Maomao’s favorite part of the garden party is the food tasting. The first dish is fine, but she notes that the second is odd in that it contains a different ingredient than usual, and when Lishu eats that same dish a table over, not only does she seem thoroughly troubled by having to eat it, but her food taster seems to be getting a kick out of her discomfort.

When Maomao tastes the next dish, a bowl of soup, Lihaku and the other officers watch, transfixed. For a second, I thought from her reaction to the taste of the soup that it contained another aphrodisiac, perhaps meant to embarrass her lady. But no, it’s just straight-up poison. Maomao just gets off being poisoned, or poisoning herself. The more the poison courses through her body, the more excited she gets.

Hey, I ain’t here to kink-shame, but the fact she swallows the poison soup calls into doubt whether it’s actually poison, so a minister tries some and collapses. By that point, Maomao has rushed to the fountain to wash out her mouth, but Jinshi is still concerned.

Maomao gives him her sweetest doe eyes and asks if she can have more poison, but he’s not there to enable her. As he takes her by the hand to the infirmary for a proper purge, she notes that he’s acting more adult while ironically appearing younger; she notes that she “prefers him like this, somewhat,” but when she sees that even he has a hairpin, her mind wanders who gave it to him.

Once Maomao has taken “the good drugs” and purged all traces of the poison from her body, she asks Jinshi to bring Lady Lishu and her taster before her for some questions. Almost immediately upon arriving, Lishu strarts scratching at her sleeve, which Maomao lifts to reveal a nasty rash.

Maomao has seen this before, including with her own body: she doesn’t use the words “allergic reaction”, but she understands what’s happening and that it’s caused by certain foods. In her case, it’s buckwheat, but in Lishu’s case, it’s mackerel.

Maomao goes on to note that Lishu and Gyokuyou’s dishes must have been swapped, and she gives Lishu’s food taster a good long stern look and gives her a list of things to avoid if she wants to keep Lishu alive and happy. Maomao leaves out the “…or else you’ll fell the wrath of the emperor”, because that’s implied.

And so not long after saving Lady Lihua from toxic makeup, she’s saved Lady Lishu from a negligent food taster. She continues to demonstrate her indispensable ability to identify causes of problems and formulating solutions.

She may not know who poisoned the soup, but it’s another instance in an ongoing pattern of incidents Jinshi is keeping a close eye on, and I’m sure he’ll continue to rely on Maomao for council where medicine is concerned, while also ensuring she doesn’t get overexcited and kill herself with that sweet, sweet poison.

The Apothecary Diaries – 05 – Preparing for Battle

Only Gaoshun witnesses a shirtless, sweaty Jinshi elegantly sparring with a promising underling. If there were any women present they would surely faint from the hotness. But after the session, Jinshi asks about the apothecary, specifically whether she’s restored her weight and health after going all out for Lady Lihua.

Maomao is in good spirits owing to the fact she’s found some fresh Matsutake mushrooms on the palace grounds. She also learns from her girl on the street Xiaolan that a servant managed to seduce a military officer, and suspects an aphrodisiac was used. Maomao keeps quiet about the fact that Jinshi had her make it.

After enjoying some grilled mushrooms with salt and soy paste with her partner-in-crime, the quack doctor, the two new best buds are interrupted by a eunuch who believes he’s been cursed. He shows them the nasty rashes on his hands, and Maomao believes an ointment should do the trick.

When the lad tells the story of how the rashes came to be, and that a strange colored flame led him to believe it was a curse, Maomao replicates the many-colored flames he saw, and chalks up the rashes to the fact he touched the wooden tablets containing the stuff that changed the flame’s colors, like fireworks.

With this little mini-mystery solved with science, Jinshi takes Maomao aside and shows her a number of different salts that can color flames if they were mixed with water or oil. Jinshi asks Gaoshun to find anyone else who may have suffered burns; both he and Maomao suspect the colored flames could be a code, for possibly nefarious purposes.

If there is some secret scheming going on, Jinshi, Maomao, and Gyokuyou and her retinue have to be on alert, especially with the emperor’s lavish garden party on the horizon. Gyokuyou’s other ladies-in-waiting dress her up in the formal garb they’ll be all be wearing. All four of the emperor’s top concubines will be in attendance, and it will be a war of looks and charm.

Maomao, as ever, is extremely practical about the upcoming event. Since it’s autumn it’s bound to be cold and there’s going to be a lot of standing around, so she makes a candy with orange and ginger to help bloodflow and provide warming, and sews pockets into her underrobe so a warming stone can be placed there.

When her co-ladies-in-waiting learn of these hacks, not only do they ask her to make them for them, but even the emperor’s cook and seamstress reach out. By just being who she is, she’s making a lot of friends and turning heads in the court.

When the day of the garden party arrives, Gyokuyou dons exquisite crimson robes that set off her coral hair and jade eyes, while Maomao and the other ladies are resplendent in their pink formal robes. Gyokuyou “marks” her ladies with fine jewelry, explaining to Maomao that they may otherwise attract “bad bugs.”

She marks Maomao with an elegant necklace of gold and precious stones, and then the ladies accost her and prepare to hit her with the (non-toxic) makeup kit. The first step is to wipe down her face and get rid of her infamous freckles.

But to both their shock and Jinshi’s upon laying eyes on her in her garden party best, Maomao never had freckles to begin with. She made fake ones with clay. When Jinshi, who is clearly bowled over by Maomao’s beauty (those eyes), asks why she would do such a thing, Maomao is blunt: so she wouldn’t be dragged down an alley.

She proceeds to tell him that in the red-light district where she worked, the short, skinny, ugly girls were less likely to be scooped up by awful men. Turns out she was anyway, but they only sold her, they didn’t do worse. Jinshi is angry on Maomao’s behalf, and she admits she’s angry about it too, but it’s not his fault.

Maomao is as thrown off by Jinshi being straightforward rather than his usual games, but it’s Jinshi who is so smitten by Maomao that he puts one of his hairpins in her hair, which is what Gyokuyou was trying to prevent. Now, by custom, Maomao is not just hers anymore.

The “curse” of the man’s hand rashes foreshadows potential foul play during the party, especially as the four concubines are vying to become the emperor’s official consort by marrying him. Eyes will be on all four of them, and a woman in the darkness preparing to serve a meal suggests she’s an agent in treachery to come.

But if it’s food meant for Gyokuyou, Maomao will be tasting it first. But her glow-up this week confirms the beautiful dancing Maomao in the OP is no illusion, but what she looks like when she doesn’t frump herself up. The preparations are complete; now it’s time to party.

The Apothecary Diaries – 04 – Living for Him

Once the Emperor learns of the “famous apothecary”, he asks her to look after Lady Lihua. That is to say, he commands her to cure her of her affliction. If Maomao can’t, it means she’s disobeying the emperor and will surely be beheaded. That said, Maomao approaches this latest mystery—with her usual wit and levelheadedness.

That said, Lihua’s stuck-up ladies-in-waiting don’t make it easy. At first, they make it outright impossible. Maomao knows that in Lihua’s weakened state she needs easy-to-digest food to slowly build up her strength. Instead, they turn Maomao away and insist on serving their lady the richest, most luxurious foods. She’s too weak to eat them, so she wastes away.

Jinshi, who is monitoring Maomao’s progress, she that she’s hit an interpersonal snag and provides an immediate assist, by reminding the smitten ladies-in-waiting that the emperor wishes Maomao access to Lady Lihua. And she gets it not a moment too soon, as she discovers that the ladies-in-waiting have continued to apply the poison makeup to Lihua.

This goes beyond simply having no idea how to treat Lihua in her delicate state; they are actively continuing to killing her for the sake of beauty, and hid the toxic makeup from he eunuchs assigned to confiscate it. Upon learning this, Maomao approaches the lady responsible for Lihua’s make up, delivers a vicious slap to the face, then pours the makeup over her head.

This is about more than Maomao simply demanding respect for having the knowledge and experience to treat Lihua. It’s also about more than saving her own skin by obeying the emperor. Maomao simply cannot abide such wanton ignorance and stupidity in her presence. And when she delivered that slap, she cemented heself as one of my favorite heroines of the year. Yuuki Aoi can really bring it when she needs to, and does so here.

The slap, which occurred in front of Jinshi, who doesn’t interfere and thus tacitly approves, also serves as a message to the other ladies-in-waiting: when it comes to Lihua’s health, Maomao is the new boss of the Crystal Pavilion. She carefully crafts a diet Lihua can handle, and adjusts it as Lihua’s strength ever-so-slowly returns.

No longer being poisoned by the makeup, Lihua graduates from rice water to porridge and tea, to broth and fruits and vegetables. Maomao also ensures her chambers get proper ventilation, and even takes up Jinshi’s offer to help again by asking him to have a steam bath built on the premises so Lihua can keep sweating out the toxins.

As Lihua’s color and vitality improves, there’s a subtle change in Maomao’s appearance; bags form under her eyes, she seems to move more slowly and more deliberately, and perhaps she even gets a bit thinner. Again, it’s subtle, but very apparent. The fatigue that results from her tireless exertion serves as a sign of her dedication to doing the job she’s been given right.

One day, while sitting by Lihua’s bedside trying to stay awake, Lihua gathers the strength to speak. She asks Maomao why she didn’t simply let her die. Maomao replies, quite simply, that Lihua ate food when it was placed in her mouth. Because she ate food, and continues to eat it, means she doesn’t want to die.

Maomao took note of this the first time she fed her. It wasn’t the lack of will to live that kept her from eating, but lack of strength from the neglect of the ladies-in-waiting. We learn the head lady was confined and the eunuch responsible for confiscating the makeup was flagellated—more reminders that this was not a request from the emperor to do her best, but a command to make it happen.

When Lihua recalls when she had her health, and her darling infant son in her arms, and…that’s when I couldn’t help but tear up a bit. Lihua suffered incalculable grief and loss, but also guilt for not heeding the warning about the makeup. But she agrees with Maomao’s assessment that she wants to live. She does want to live, to honor the memory of her lost son.

The recovery regime continues with Maomao in charge and the ladies-in-waiting assiting her with Lihua’s steam baths, wipe-downs, laundry, and everything else. One day, the head lady she slapped returns, now contrite. She vows she’ll never make the same mistakes she made again, and says the clearly exhausted Maomao can go rest; she’ll take it from here.

When she sees that Lihua is strong enough to greet her, her eyes fill with tears of relief. I’d hoped she’d have actually apologized to Maomao for being such an idiot and almost killing Lihua, and thanked her for restoring her health so dramatically, but just because she doesn’t say those things out loud doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel that way.

In all this time with Lihua, Maomao learned more about her, and that she wasn’t the selfish princess she first thought her to be. When Lihua is strong enough to take strolls through the garden on her own, Maomao’s service to her is coming to a close.

When she finds Maomao fast asleep on a hard bench, Lihua offers her thanks by sitting beside her and gently stroking her hair. It’s a scene of regal, dignified, yet tender and heartfelt gratitude exemplified. Maomao did good, and even Jinshi is impressed she was able to fulfill the emperor’s command.

When the time comes for Maomao to return to Lady Gyokuyou’s pavilion, Lihua asks her if she’s still capable of having children. Maomao honestly answers that she doesn’t know, but there’s no harm in trying. When Lihua says the emperor’s love for her has gone, Maomao reveals that she was given express orders from the emperor to care for her, so it’s not like he hates her.

Maomao leaves her with some advice from her big sisters from the red-light district: a tactic they taught her, but which she cannot use due to her lack of endowment. Lihua doesn’t have that problem, and in fact her bust is superior to Gyokuyou’s, so she is able to employ it.

She apparently does, as shortly after Maomao returns (and is embraced like a sister by her fellow ladies-in-waiting), the frequency of the emperor’s visits to the Jade pavilion are diminished, and Gyokuyou is finally able to get some good nights’ sleep. Everybody wins this week, thanks to Maomao, the extraordinary apothecary.

The Apothecary Diaries – 01 (First Impressions) – A Big Promotion

Maomao (Yuuki Aoi) lives a simple but fulfilling life in Imperial China as an apothecary, growing medicinal plants, making medicines, and making deliveries to clients in the red-light district. She clearly loves her plants, and is also curious enough to experiment on herself when developing new drugs. But one day she’s kidnapped, and that simple but fulfilling life is changed forever.

Maomao becomes a low-level servant girl at the Rear Palace of the Forbidden City, where only the emperor, women, and eunuchs are allowed. Quick to roll with the raw hand she’s been dealt, she keeps her head down and works hard, for one day she’ll be released.

But when rumors swirl about the infant children of emperor’s two favorite concubines taking ill, she can’t help but notice that they’re not being afflicted by a curse, but by poison. Just two problems: she has been very intentional in keeping her literacy a secret in keeping with her plan to lay low, and she doesn’t possess the paper to write out a warning.

Time passes, Lady Lihua’s son succumbs to the poisoning and passes away. However, Lady Gyokuyou heeds a warning scrawled upon a scrap of cloth, and her daughter survives. The deadly culprit was white face powder, which at the time contained lead and other toxic ingredients; the cost of stunning beauty was an early grave.

Jinshi, manager of the Rear Palace overheard Maomao muttering to herself about writing a warning, notices that the warning was written on a scrap of the same cloth that made up the servant girls’ clothes, and summons them all to his office. He then writes a note asking the “freckled girl” to stay, and since she’s the only one of the girls who can read, she remains.

Jinshi brings Maomao before Gyokuyou, who offers her heartfelt gratitude for saving her child. They then have Maomao explain how she knew what was poisoning them. The lighting becomes more dramatic as Maomao tells them of her apothecary past and experience with toxic makeup through her red-light customers.

Throughout all of this, all Maomao wants to do is get back to her drab life of menial labor at the very bottom rung of the status ladder in the Rear Palace. However, despite her wish to appear ordinary and ignorant, she’s been outed as a young woman of uncommon intelligence, resourcefulness, and valor. She could have chosen to do nothing, but instead she acted, and now she’s savior to the offspring of the emperor himself.

As expected, she can’t go back to laundry duty with the other servant girls. Jinshi and Gyokuyou arrange for her to be elevated to her lady-in-waiting. It’s funny; she was humming along contented in her old life as an apothecary, but if she hadn’t been kidnapped and brought to the palace, she’d never have been able to show off her know-how in a way that caused her to rise high above her humble roots.

Now she’ll have the freedom, resources, and support to pursue her scientific ambitions. She’ll also be the rare woman who is at the palace not because of her looks (though she’s plenty cute), but because of her mind. Maomao is instantly compelling and rootable as the protagonist, full of pep and moxie, and I can’t wait to watch her navigate this lavish, cutthroat new world.

My Happy Marriage – 03 – Diamond in the Rough

While dining together, Kiyoka engages in small talk with Miyo, asking about her days. When done with household chores, she sews a bit and reads magazines Yurie lends her. Sensing she might be feeling a little penned in, Kiyoka announces he’ll be going into town…and she’ll be accompanying him.

When she says she has no reason to go and would only be a nuisance, Kiyoka tells her she doesn’t need a reason, and won’t be a nuisance. The next morning, dressed in her only good kimono and wearing makeup applied with care by Yurie, Kiyoka can’t help but silently admire his most comely fiancée.

After Kiyoka parks his car at work (and his aide briefly meets Miyo), Kiyoka an Miyo walk into town together, and he asks her if there’s anything she needs or wants. Miyo has trouble thinking of something, and goes to her standby of apologizing.

Kiyoka assures her all she needs to do is enjoy herself; she won’t be scolded by him or anyone, and she doesn’t need to think she’s a nuisance. It’s the direct, positive affirmation Miyo dearly needs to hear, because she never heard in her loveless home.

Speaking of home, Kouji’s father is furious that Miyo’s father arranged for her to marry a Sudou instead of his own eldest son, Kouji’s brother. Even if Miyo isn’t gifted, she carries the blood of the Usuba family, and her offspring may be incredibly gifted.

In a scene that made my stomach turn, Miyo’s father shows he is no real father at all, but rather a creature of greed and low morals, no better than the demons Kiyoka slays. He confirms that he has abandoned Miyo and doesn’t care if she lives or dies.

He expects the Sudou kid will grow disinterested in his ungifted fiancee, giving Kouji’s father free reign to snatch her up and marry her to his son. Kaya is out in the hall and can’t hear them, but is enraged when a servant says her father is talking about Miyo. She can also tell Kouji’s smiles are fake…but what does she expect?

Miyo and Kiyoka’s first date continues at the kimono store, a very fancy one where the emperor sometimes orders clothes. Having learned from Yurie that Miyo has been sewing her old tattered kimonos in secret, he orders some fine new ones, including one in a glorious sakura pink.

Little does he know that such a color and design reminds Miyo of her dearly departed mother, but when the store attendant gets a good look at Miyo, she impresses upon Kiyoka the importance of holding onto Miyo with everything he has, for she is a diamond in the rough, to be polished with his love and wealth.

He takes her out for sweets, the first time she’s had anything sweet since Kouji brought her some. He admits he’d like to see what she’d be like if she were truly smiling, rather than cowering and apologizing all the time. He mentions the fact that they’ll soon be married, so she should be able to say what’s on her mind.

This frightens Miyo, who believes Kiyoka doesn’t know she’s ungifted. If he learned the truth, not only would he not be this kind to her, but he’d likely throw her out. So she decides to keep it a secret, and will face whatever punishment comes from that, because it means in the meantime she can stay by his side.

Little does she know that not only is Kiyoka is pretty much aware Miyo is not Gifted, but has no intention of letting her go. Both seem strangely drawn together in a way neither of them can explain, but recognize the importance. To that end, Kiyoka gives Miyo the gift of a splendid new wooden comb, replacing the one her stepmother broke.

When a man gives a woman such a comb, it typically symbolizes a proposal. Kiyoka insists “it’s not like that”, but that could be his tsundere side talking. When Miyo opens the gift, she runs to him and says she can’t accept it. When he insists that it’s his gift to her to use however she likes, he looks up and sees her naturally smiling for the first time.

Back at HQ, Kiyoka has secured the services of an investigator to look into Miyo’s family, suspicious as he was of how badly Miyo has clearly been treated. He is disgusted to find that abuse was the product of resentment and vindictiveness on the part of Miyo’s father’s second wife. He quite rightly believes that prodigious families shouldn’t act in such a manner.

The investigator also confirms that Miyo is ungifted, but that Miyo’s father’s first wife, her mother, was a member of the Usuba family, who have the ability to “convene with the minds of others” (like telepathy, I presume). Now knowing exactly what Miyo had to endure from a loveless father and an evil stepmother, he knows some kimonos and a comb won’t be nearly enough to heal those wounds.

Not that he’s not willing to give it his all. But when he suddenly senses shikigami spying on him, he quickly burns them, and is left wondering who would do something so foolish. My money is on Kouji’s dad. If Kiyoka wants Miyo to remain with him, he may have to fight to protect her. But he seems to be supremely capable when it comes to fighting, so I’m not too worried.

Akiba Maid War – 04 – Full Metal Piglet

It’s a blessing that there are no previews for this show because I have no earthly idea what this show is going to throw at me from week to week. When the 9-second cold open consisted of a very confused Nagomi being thrown off a building, I was still stumped, but that was a hell of a start…pigs are flying!

The Oinky-Doink Café’s parent company Creatureland comes into focus this week as there’s the maid yakuza equivalent of a corporate summit. The leader brings three managers up, including Tenchou (the only non-maid in the room aside from Otakuza), and shoots someone skimming sweets money in the stomach.

The message is clear: clean it up. Oinky-Doink doesn’t skim, but despite having a capable star in Yumechi and two heavies in Ranko and Zoya, they’re not earning as much as Creatureland would like. So they send Drillmaster Sano to whip them into shape. Her first act is to kick Tenchou and Panda out of the café.

The multi-day boot camp starts at 5:00 AM with Ranko calmly slapping Nagomi awake. The five maids go through a number of grueling drills and are constantly verbally and physically abused by Sano. Anyone who’s watched any show or movie with boot camp can see the pattern here.

Sano’s goal as representative of Creatureland is to increase the Oinky-Doink’s revenue, which means breaking down what she perceives as a bunch of undisciplined slackers and building them back up into frilly money-making machines. We also know that Sano isn’t just being a sadist dick; her own life depends on her results.

That threat gives the conflict between the Oinky-Doink maids and the corporate stooge Sano more dimension, to the point Sano almost seems to panic when the maids collectively decide to boycott day two of boot camp. She only asks to speak with each of them alone on the roof before she leaves them.

When it’s Nagomi’s turn, we know she’s being thrown off the building. What we didn’t know is that Sano catches her before she falls to her death. While she has Nagomi suspended, Sano tells her their two arms that are keeping her alive represent the relationship between the group and its maids.

Sano also shows her how scraped up and bloody her arm got when she caught Nagomi, showing her the depths the group will go to protect its maids. Nagomi is a crying mess, but returns to the cafe a changed person. Shiipon is the last of the maids to get “thrown” off the roof but shrugs it off, but the others have already fallen in line, and decide that Sano can stay and teach them.

The montage that follows consists of the maids gradually being shaped into the obedient automatons Creatureland intends them to be. There’s no more hesitation in their responses to Sano, and now that they know what’s expected of all of them, they’re quick to point out one another’s flaws throughout the day, and just as quick to accept criticism from each other.

The exception is Shiipon, who doesn’t like what’s happening to her colleagues or her café. The last straw is when Sano demands she stop doing her ganguro makeup. One night she tries to sneak out, but Sano is lying in wait and sounds the alarm, and all the other girls chase after her with rope and handcuffs.

When Ranko corners her in the kitchen with a screwdriver, Shiipon thinks it’s all over, but to her surprise Ranko unscrews the exhaust fan to let her escape, “if that’s what she wants.” When Shiipon asks Ranko what she wants, it’s to protect the café. Shiipon looks out the opening, sees Tenchou and Panda scrounging for trash in the alley below, and decides to stay after all.

The next morning, Shiipon shocks everyone by showing up sans blond hair dye and gaudy makeup. She applies herself and becomes one of the worker bees, earning not only Sano’s trust, but her affection. Sano, whose life is on the line here, is clearly relieved that the one bad apple in this Oinky-Doink group has fallen in line.

On the day Sano leaves, she unleashes a torrent of critical vitriol at her grunts calling them the worst maids ever, but finishes it up by saying they’re also the best, and they all pass. Nagomi, Yumechi, and Zoya all burst into tears, Ranko is her usual stoic self, and while Shiipon puts her face in her hands, it’s clear she’s not as affected as the others.

The Oinky-Doink resumes normal operations, only now the maids are wound up so tight by Sano’s training there’s no fun or joy in their work. Nagomi looms in on her master trying to upsell him; Yumechi’s face is gaunt and her eyes baggy from overwork.

But then Tenchou returns, flanked by Panda…and Shiipon. Notably, Tenchou is brandishing a bazooka, and declares that she’s taking back her café. She and Panda are quickly taken down, and Ranko neutralize Zoya, but Shiipon takes the bazooka Tenchou drops and races to the roof where the giant wood “Creatureland” carving they worked on all week.

To her, that carved sign represents everything wrong that’s happened to the café, and blowing it up is the only way to bring back the joy and the fun of their work. When she blows it up real good Nagomi screams with agony, but the spell—or rather her indoctrination—is eventually broken.

Life returns to normal at Oinky-Doink, only with Nagomi having gained some useful skills during the boot camp. Shiipon is back to her normal hair color and makeup, and when Sano shows up to check on their progress and protests how everything is back to the way it was, Shiipon answers her with a devastating takedown punch.

While not all of what Sano instilled in the maids was bad—see Nagomi leveling up—she took things way too far. Being a maid is the only thing the noncommittal Shiipon has ever stuck with, and it became something worth fighting to preserve. Ranko played a key role as Shiipon’s silent ally, while Tenchou also established the limits to Creatureland’s oppression she’s willing to endure. Panda…was just kinda Panda.

Zombieland Saga: Revenge – 11 – Mall Zombies

Sakura wakes up in the morning to find she’s not feeling quite right, but it’s not due to her deteriorating zombie body, it’s because the mansion is literally adrift at sea. Yuugiri, master of understatement, declares things seem to have “taken a turn for the troublesome”.

Ookoba, who was about to publish an exposé that could have potentially shut Franchouchou down, is among those Saga residents wandering the muddy flooded streets in a daze. The goofiness of the floating mansion aside, this week takes a frank look at an all-too-realistic disaster befalling a part of Japan.

But when disaster hits, people tend to come together. After the mansion beaches itself and collapses (as flashes of their fun life there flash heartbreakingly by), Ai’s factory co-worker Machiko invites the girls to the Kaiton Mall, which has been set up as an emergency shelter. She finds a quiet spot for the girls to stay at the top of the stairs.

But the girls have no intention of sitting around idly. Even without Kotarou’s masterful human makeup at their disposal, they don’t shirk from pitching in wherever they’re needed, from helping out with cooking and distributing meals, to assisting with the sandbagging, to keeping the kids’ minds off their situation by having fun with them.

When night falls, many of the kids are scared and want to go home, but their tears dry up fast when Lily starts up her infectious scat-singing and dancing routine. The way Lily likes up the kids’ faces, even Saki can’t help but be wowed by Shrimpy’s idoly power.

The next day Ookoba finds himself at the mall, where NBK is interviewing the families who lost their homes and likely everything in them. To a person everyone keeps their chin up and stays upbeat and positive, both for their own sakes and for their children’s. That’s when Ookoba overhears a man being interviewed mention “the girls” who have been doing so much for the shelter.

On a makeshift stage lit by car headlamps, Franchouchou put on a show every night both to entertain the hell out of the kiddies (who are unassailably adorable) and soothe the adults’ hearts. There was more than one occasion when I teared up, their good works were so heartwarming.

The Grinch-like Ookoba was all gung-ho about exposing Koutarou’s “exploitation” of the idols for profit, but being in that dark mall full of people trying to avoid letting their minds stray to dark places, and seeing the light and joy Franchouchou give both on and off the stage, and he finally starts to understand why Koutarou brought them back to life.

And whither Koutarou, you might ask? Like the girls were initially on the S.S. Mansion, he’s in a somewhat ridiculous situation: the underground bar is completely flooded and both he and an ailing Gramps are just barely keeping their noses and mouths above water. Fortunately Policeman A finds them, making the first time Policeman A has done something useful!

Koutarou is freed from Davy Jones’ Locker none too soon, as the girls’ hastily applied makeup finally begins to chip, flake, and crumble. Before long all of them are in full zombie mode, and with a show to put on that night, their options are limited. An eavesdropping Ookoba spots them all with their natural looks, astonished more than anything else.

Koutarou is on his way to reunite with Franchouchou (thanks to a ride from Misa, using her boat to transport releif supplies) but won’t make it in time to help them. No matter; Junko comes up with a rather ingenious solution, using the materials she brought to make Ozaki dolls to make masks for everyone.

Unfortunately, while they’re able to sell the masks to the kids, who notice their resemblance to the dolls, as soon as the idols leap into the air and come back down, the masks crumble and fall away, and the crowd gets a good hard look at their dead gray skin, scars and bandages.

But here’s the thing: the kids are more confused than anything else. When the idols come clean and say they’re zombies, the kids dispute this. They define zombies as being scary. Franchouchou aren’t scary to them, they’re fun and cool and cute. Ergo, they’re not zombies, they’re Franchouchou.

Ai and the others go for it, hardly able to believe their luck. But in a way, it’s only appropriate that their hours of tireless, selfless hard work at the shelter, doing what they can taking care of others because it’s the right thing to do, be rewarded with a pass on their zombie “disguises.”

Ookoba can also hardly believe how lucky the girls are, but now appreciates how many risks they take every day of their existence. Koutarou sidles up to him and declares, simply, that Franchouchou are the [dis]”embodiment of pure idols”, and Ookoba is in no position to disagree.

As he lovingly reapplies each of the girls’ proper makeup to make them look alive again, Koutarou declares that their revenge concert at EFS will go on as planned in sixteen days, with little or no practice. It has to go on, especially now. Saga was hit by catastrophe, but came out all the stronger and closer for it.

As he takes his leave, Sakura tracks him down and thanks him for making her in idol from the bottom of her no-longer-beating heart. Sakura’s words cause Koutarou to recall flashes of his own failed past trying to make it big  when he attended Sakura’s funeral and held her battered, un-mailed audition package. While he knew he couldn’t save Saga on his own, he reached out to Gramps to bring back Sakura and the rest of the best of Saga throughout history.

For what I believe is the first time ever, he fully acknowledges Sakura, telling her she has “it”. She and the others have the potential to become “eternal idols loved around the globe, and being Franchouchou’s manager, he’ll eternally have “it”, too. It all starts with their revenge!

Irina and Crow talk episode 11 here. Check it out!

Zombieland Saga – 05 – Nice Bird!

Considering the more controlled environment and larger potential audience reached, it’s a wonder Tatsumi didn’t arrange for Franchouchou to do a TV commercial sooner. Their first such job brings them to a beloved old hangout of Saki’s, the chicken shack Drive Tori. After they sample the admittedly excellent food, they get into their chicken costumes and it’s roll tape.

There are a few hiccups—Tae trying to eat the aloof official mascot Cocco-san, then marring the vocal performance with her groans. Even after a very good take, Tatsumi isn’t quite satisfied, and lets Tae run loose while the other girls chase her (and the cameras roll). The result is a memorable and catchy commercial, but not cash; they only get paid in T-shirts, something they already have in abundance.

After annoying Ai to the point she snaps and hits him with a baguette, Tatsumi announces their next venture: the Gatalympics, an series of mud-based athletic games. The girls don some truly awful T-shirts advertising their group, but when they get covered in mud, the advertising fails. Worse, when they wash off the mud, the water takes away their human disguises, so back into the mud they go!

After Tatsumi himself wins the bike challenge, the girls each try and fail (in various hilarious ways) at the Tarzan rope challenge. Yuugiri has plenty of style with her dancing background, and Lily gets almost enough distance for the podium, but it’s Tae who comes through in the clutch, getting first place with a truly epic distance. Unfortunately, she can’t speak, so the interview goes nowhere, and the T-shirt she ends up revealing is for Drive Tori, not Franchouchou.

But it matters not; two guys who may well be past or present talent recruits have their eyes on the group, and it would seem that they recognize Junko, who, if they know her, they know she should be dead. No doubt they’ll continue to observe and possibly confront the group…but to what end?