Carole & Tuesday – 10 – Out of Whack

It’s the semifinals, which means bringing in a new guest judge to replace the AI dog, and it’s none other than DJ Ertegun, whose troubled history with Carole & Tuesday should have precluded him from judging at all, but I guess Mars Brightest doesn’t do much research!

One thing’s for certain: in a a tough competition where personalities can clash and tempers can flare, MB has appallingly bad security. Consider Cybelle, a stalker Tuesday never should have had to interact with again after she lost in the quarterfinals.

And yet here she is, in the green room, getting in Tues’ face and intimidating her with her unpredictable, capable-of-anything, nothing-to-lose vibe. Then Tuesday simply runs after Cybelle…and Carole lets her! So I ask: where the fuck is security???

When GGK dishes out more cosmic prattle and then performs a competently-produced song with like seven words in the repetitive lyrics, Tao finally pays Angela a visit to tell her they’re changing her song at the last minute.

GGK impresses the judges—who it should be said are easily impressed—and Gus and Dahlia continue their juvenile little competition with poor Roddy in the middle acting as a conduit for their barbs. I’m just not getting much out of the friction between these two.

Once again, Angela delivers the best song of the episode, though that’s not a high bar to clear, with a genuinely catchy pop number that honestly wouldn’t be out of place on a Top 40 radio station. The only strange thing is how it ends: the vocals and music just…stop. On a dime. Seems more like an AI production bug than a feature.

Meanwhile, instead of preparing for her performance with Carole, Tuesday has her priorities all out of order, running around the studio like a headless chicken looking for a Cybelle who is clearly not there anymore and furthermore, doesn’t want to be found. Carole wants to give Tuesday a present, but every time one of them shows up in one spot, the other has just left.

Angela ends up beating GGK, and heads to the showers afterwards, leading to a very suspicious scene of Katie Kimura dropping her smile and staring at the phone Angela left on a table. Is there more to Katie than hyper syncophant? God I hope so, because Angela’s path to becoming a pop star has seemed way too easy so far.

As Pyotr performs another mostly meh pop performance, Tuesday returns to the green room to find a present on the table…but not Carole’s present. The chaotic scrawl wishing her a Happy Birthday suggests it’s from Cybele, who must have doubled back after Tues followed her.

As for the contents of that present? My guess is dry ice, judging from the white smoke cloud that surrounds Tuesday as she clutches her hand in pain when Carole enters. Since Tuesday needs that hand to play guitar, a dry ice burn is going to be a big problem.

But all this could have been avoided with someany backstage security procedures. Cybelle’s revenge, if that’s what this is, only happened because the show decided that Mars Brightest is not a professional company of long standing capable of protecting one of the four contestants who were whittled down from a quarter of a million. That seems awfully implausible, but here we are. Better break out the aloe!

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Carole & Tuesday – 09 – Blessing of a Goddess

Carole & Tuesday don’t sing on the second day of competition, but Gus has them attend the studio anyway so they can scout the next four contestants. One of those, Cybelle, continues acting extremely stalker-y, brushing Tues’ hair without asking first, and suggestion they form their own duo without Carole. In other odd pairings, Dahlia ends up sitting beside Gus, but nothing much comes of it. As for Angela, she wants to know where the hell Tao is.

Tao is there, but seems content to stand in the shadows rather than engage with anyone. The first pair of contestants performs, starting with GGK, FKA Twigs’ Martian anime counterpart. The song is crisply produced and competently sung, but falls down on generic lyrics. Definitely not ear-bleedingly bad, but thoroughly MEH.

The gender-fluid Mermaid Sisters, on the other hand, had me howling with laughter as they proceeded to sing all manner of profanities in sweet Barbershop harmonies. It’s by far the most English swears I’ve ever heard in an anime, but it ends up disqualifying them, and the competition has to paused when they lash out at the judges, giving GGK the win by default.

Cybelle and Angela are next, with the former telling Tuesday (not asking her) to hold her before she takes the stage. Cybelle then bites Tuesday in the fucking neck, confirming Carole’s insistence that Tuesday extricate herself from this weirdo as soon as possible.

Turns out Tao isn’t interested in Angela or any of the other contestants performing that day; instead, he asks C&T who writes their lyrics. They tell him they do, with no AIs, and he kinda just goes “huh, okay” and leaves without seeing Angela, much to her chagrin.

As intolerable as her character is, Cybelle actually delivers one of the best performances of the entire show thus far. Why is that? Because she’s not singing awful English lyrics; she’s singing awful French lyrics.

I don’t speak French, so if I switch off the subtitles, it just sounds like nice music, which it was. Not earth-shattering, but nice. If only all the songs were performed in French, or Japanese, or any language that could cover up the hack lyrics.

It’s just bad luck Cybelle wasn’t paired with the Mermaid Sisters, Fire Brothers, or OG Bulldog, or she would have advanced. Instead, her first opponent is Angela. And whether or not the entire production is rigged towards her winning, she still puts in IMO the best all-around performance of the competition with the very catchy “Move Mountains” song, showing that she definitely belongs there.

Angela beats Cybelle easily, but Cybelle seeks consolation in Tuesday’s arms, attempting to goad her into making a new duo together. It’s here where Tuesday finally rejects her, and Cybelle storms away in a huff, her shock quickly turning to anger.

This is most definitely not over (she has Tuesday’s contact info, after all), so now in addition to having an extremely tough opponent in Angela to defeat, they’ll have to deal with the consequences of Tuesday not dispatching her earlier. Doubtless hell hath no fury like a Cybelle scorned…

Carole & Tuesday – 08 – Standing Out the Least

On the first day of the Mars Brightest #0049 competition, Angela is introduced to her new manager, the young, eager-to-please Katie Kimura, whose only role throughout the episode seems to be servile minion and target for Angela’s generally mild abuse. There are celebrities far more spoiled and mercurial than Angela.

This also marks the first time Carole & Tuesday are in the same room with Angela, officially bringing their stories together…though Angela breezes right past the duo without talking or even noticing them. Tuesday later learns a valuable lesson about not so carelessly giving her contact info to a stan so obsessed they decided to compete in the same contest and actually made it to the final eight.

With introductions out of the way, we’re treated—or more accurately subjected—to the first four performances. We begin with two really old brothers playing death metal until they literally drop—a joke eliciting perhaps half a chuckle and absolutely nothing more—and Pyotr with a competent but utterly generic pop song with what sounds like auto-tuning, which you’d think wouldn’t be allowed in a singing competition.

Pyotr beats the old dudes, so we move on to the next faceoff: C&T versus “OG Bulldog”, a horribly uncool hardcore gangsta rap cliche who ends up singing opera-style, which…I’m sorry, is just really fucking stupid. Carole & Tuesday follow, and reliably serve up their unique(?) blend of aggressively pedestrian soft rock, forgoing lyrics for half of the song and instead making “oooh-oooh” and “la la laaa” sounds. Real groundbreaking.

When it comes time for the three judges (a female Simon Cowell, a gay dude, an an AI dog) to make their decision, OG Bulldog is essentially disqualified when his mother takes the stage and attests that he was never a gangster or drug dealer, just a timid young man who worked at a drug store. 

The lady Simon tears into C&T, calling them the “most normal”, “plain”, and saying they “stood out the least,” but they didn’t lie about who they were, and they somehow managed not to be worse than whatever “opera rap” is, so they win round one!

It was good to hear one of the judges say what I’ve thought all along about C&T’s amateurish, empty, Diet Coke-sweet music, but then along comes Angela to back it up with some strong negative opinions of her own, and I am here for it! (Katie Kimura also comes by, but as with the rest of the episode, she’s utterly useless.)

‘Granted, she confronts C&T because she identified them as rivals, and despite hating their music, probably realizes the competition could easily come down to the two of them. Last week I suggested that maybe the perennially alone Angela might befriend the same-aged C&T, but rivals will have to do. As the reality TV adage goes, “I’m not here to make friends.”

So, as usual, low marks for the musical numbers and tired reality TV tropes, but decent marks for finally bringing the three heroines together by pitting them against each other.

Rail Wars! – 04

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Rail Wars! manages to contrive a fairly logical reason to have a beach episode: Defense Four is appointed as the security detail of the pop idol Kashima Noa, who is having a concert on the beach in Izu in order to promote the National Railway, which so effortlessly, comfortably conveyed them to Izu. Wouldn’t it be nice to take a train with panoramic windows to the beach? I’m living in the wrong dang country!

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Noa comes off as most idols initially come of in these kinds of situations: aloof and largely indifferent to her latest minders (she even dozes off as Naoto waxes poetic about the train they’re on being named after a famous short story “Izu no Odoriko”, for which there’s probably been an anime or two at some point.) But when they alight from the train at Ito station and an overzealous fan goes for Queen Noa, Naoto is there to stop him, though Noa and her manager end up making a Naoto sandwich.

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It’s the latest in a series of incidents and threats, including one that promises Izu will be Noa’s final show, but this is where Noa shows her grit. She got to where she is by never stopping singing, and she’s not cancelling the concert under any circumstances. Since she’s not backing down, it’s up to Defense Four to protect her, and judging from their past exploits, it was never in any doubt that they’d succeed; only a matter of how they’d do so.

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What struck me is that even in a beach episode where the camera spends an inordinate amount of time on various parts of the girls’ bodies, the show still sweats the practical procedural details. When talking about searching a place for dangerous people or objects in earshot of the public, its better to use euphemisms so as not to induce worry in said public. Iida also insists Defense Four and in particular the lovely Aoi and Haruka don swimsuits that make them stand out in a crowd; a clear, busty message to any bad guys around that they’re out in force.

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The day of the concert arrives. After her first (very catchy) song, JNR reps join her on stage to make her an honorary security captain. The crim shows himself and brandishes a knife, but again Naoto is there to shield Noa from harm. The blade pierces his Kevlar vest (which all D4 members wisely wore while on duty) but is stopped by, of all things, the station stamp book Noa had returned to him after the sandwich incident that knocked him out. Because of that, in a way, after saving her, she saved him right back.

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Aoi, however, fears the worst when she sees the stabbing, and treats the perp to a righteous take-down, not missing a beat despite wearing a sultry one-piece and flip-flops, not her preferred garb. It’s a very cute reminder that Aoi really does have a thing for Naoto, who once again was looking at another woman most of the episode. And all of Naoto’s dedication, courage, and heroism has the effect of successfully wooing the idol, making me wonder if she’ll ever show up again.

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Nazo no Kanojo X – 09

When Urabe comes to school with horrible bed-head, she styles it with hair bands. Everyone at school instantly notices the change, and they like what they see. Tsubaki doesn’t like all the attention she’s getting from the boys, so asks her not to do it. She has him muss up her hair, which feels good. Tsubaki is initially upset that photos of his girlfriend are circulating, but lets it go, fearing he’s being too possessive. The boys start to agree she bares a close resemblance to a pop idol; Tsubaki buys her photo collection to confirm it. Urabe finds out and destroys it.

Possessiveness between lovers in moderation is a normal, harmless thing, but it can be insidious, and before you know it, you’re trying to control every aspect of your lover’s life, because in your mind he/she belongs to you, and vice-versa. Tsubaki actually gets a whiff of this in his own feelings of anger towards his classmates, now that they’ve seen Urabe’s face and even end up buying and selling it as a product. It becomes a choice of whether he wants to put his foot down (which will result in everyone knowing he’s dating her), or keep quiet and “share” her with them through the photos. He rightly decides stopping them isn’t worth it. Not that the school finding out about them would be the end of the world; but he’d end up losing even more of his cherished privacy if he told them; the opposite of what he wants. For her part Urabe prefers having her hair mussed by Tsubaki to being styled by Oka.

But the door of possessiveness swings both ways. Is it harmless for Tsubaki to have a book full of pictures of an idol who happens to look like Urabe? Well, is it harmless for Tsubaki’s classmates to buy candid photos of Urabe? The answer is, neither is harmless to the other. But Urabe had no hand in having pics taken of her, nor does she have pics of a boy who looks like Tsubaki, so she’s pretty justified in destroying the book with her panty scissors (if a bit rash; it cost $38!). We’ll just say also that we’re glad Urabe and Imai Momoka aren’t the same person (i.e., she’s not secretly an idol; the boob sizes seem to rule that out). That sudden bombshell would be out of place in an otherwise subtle and down-to-earth show. On that note, Urabe sleeps in the nude. Of course she does.


Rating: 9 (Superior)