Hundred – 07

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The Quest to Kill Karen continues: she survived a rowdy idol concert, so lets put her out in the blazing sun! Seriously, if she can endure this many trips outside her hospital room, why is she confined to that hospital room?

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For THAT. She’s got them hanging out for that. Gotta cushion Hayato’s clumsy falls, right?

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Oh, great, here we go: Bishounen Bad Guy #4,678,594. Claire’s older brother Judar. I’m sure he’s not up to no good, no sir!

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“Mmmm…but not you, Karen. Sorry.”

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Boobs? It’s boobs, right? Gotta be boobs.

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WHOA…Judar went and splurged on the most expensive lamp at IKEA Little Garden! Wait a minute…there’s a girl in there! Judging from all the white mist around her body, she’s nude, too! She’s your and Claire’s sister Liza, you say? Why’s your sister nude in there?

Never mind; Judar wants to see if Hayato’s Super-Awesome Energy can wake her up, even though she powers the entire city-ship? Uh, buddy, you got backup generators, or am I missing something?

Claire pulls a gun on her brother when she finds him down there with Hayato. How’d she catch up to them so fast, when it took the two of them so long to descend and get through all those security doors? Is Judar just messing with Hayato, and there’s a screen door that leads straight to the top deck?

Never mind again; I’d probably pull a gun on him too. Dude’s totally evil.

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Some people immediately took a hatred to Emilia’s highly-caffinated childhood friend Claudia Loetty and wanted to lower her into a volcano mere seconds after meeting her. Wouldn’t you know it, I was not one of those people!

I dunno…I kinda love her. Her voice actor (I wanna say Akasaki Chinatsu, but not sure) has stellar range and timing, and Claudia is pretty much the manifestation of all the built-up misfortune Hayato has been collecting while taking all of those lucky ass-backward trips into lady’s hearts, crotches, boobs, and mouths.

Sure, at some point Claudia may also come to fall for Hayato, but that seems a pretty long way off. And any cute girl who doesn’t love Hayato and is actively trying to make his life harder is alright with me. Hayato needs more people like this in his life, lest he take what he has (everything) for granted.

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You see? There is nothing inaccurate about this statement. This girl speaks the truth. She is after my heart. Take it to him, sister!

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Yes, because she’s desperately in love with Emilia (who turns out to be a princess back home in Gudenburg, dontchaknow!), Claudia has zero patience for those who’d seduce her  (hence her hissing and spitting upon meeting Hayato). She also challenges Hayato to a duel in a dojo, her with her flail/mace thingy, and he with his shinai.

It doesn’t seem like a fair fight, until Hayato easily defeats her in the most hilarious way possible. She then tries to bargain for a rematch, but is refused and runs off crying. Yes, Claudia is very very annoying, but I’m very glad she’s around. She made this normally bland, stolid love-fest genuinely interesting and funny for once!

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Hundred – 06

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Anyone hoping this week’s Hundred would out-do Bakuon’s T&A quota may come away disappointed: there was precious little time for girls to throw off their clothes and jump Hayato, what with all the battlin’ going on. And hey, what do you know, Sakura’s Hundred also gives her defensive capabilities. Why does she need a part-time bodyguard, again?

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Apparently not from the pack of elite variants who poach savages. The group of three (four?) make the Little Garden students look a bit silly; though perhaps that’s not entirely fair as you’re talking about pros (albeit young ones) against amateur students. Nice outfits, though.

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Sakura expresses a little confusion over Emile’s possessiveness towards Hayato (being a “boy” and all), but nothing comes of it, and in any case, there’s no time for fooling around since there’s savages to fight! Only the hunters fought and beat the savages for them. And there actualy was time for a lot of standing around and talking. As for the savages, they seem really slow and dumb.

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The savage hunters, imaginatively called “hunters” by Claire at their debriefing, are after savage cores, because cores and variable stones are basically the same thing, both technologically and monetarily speaking. But this is all Top Secret, so don’t tell anyone, even though the science loli told half the cast.

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Sakura spends a good amount of time on a beach with no bodyguard, it seems, because she’s already there when Hayato answers her summons. When Hayato says everyone’s looking forward to the concert, Sakura goes into a pity spiral, saying people are only affected by her song because she’s a variant and that’s her skill. Hayato rebuts: she touched him and Karen way back before she was an idol, so quit hatin’ on yoself!

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The concert ensues, and, erm, it’s okay I guess? Pretty underwhelming. They never even bothered to animate Sakura singing; not even once! Which begs the question, why have such an ambitious idol concert scene if you don’t have the budget? I don’t know, but at the end Sakura breaks out the same song she sang to Hayato and Karen, which is nice.

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After giving Karen, who really should be dead from all the exposure to the outside (why else would she be confined to a hospital room the rest of her life?) an autograph and handshake, Sakura closes in for a big ‘ol smooth on Hayato’s cheek, making the polyamorous lil’ scamp blush like a rose – and outrage all the other girls present currently crushing on him.

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It wouldn’t be Hundred without closing with an even more ridiculous portrayal of Hayato’s harem, in which three of his girls tug and pull at him like he’s the last carton of milk at the store during a blizzard. You break him, you bought him, ladies…and what are you gonna do when you get him?

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Hundred – 05

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What’s Kirishima Hayato’s secret for getting all these hot ladies falling at his feet? From what I can tell, it’s to be as nondescript and vapid a character as it is possible to be while still able to be called a “character.”

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They don’t just fall at his feet of their own accord, though: they forget they don’t have their bikini top tied on, or slip and fall on top of him. So it’s not just vapidity, but the fact that physics itself seem to favor the guy.

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Hundred does its darndest to not spend any more time than it needs to on silly matters like protecting civilization from a scourge of powerful monsters. Instead, it prefers having Hayato go on a date with Emilia after turning down Claire’s swimming challenge.

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Wait, but isn’t he supposed to be Sakura’s bodyguard, you ask? Apparently not full-time. Which is unfortunate, because Sakura disappears when he’s off the job. Thankfully, she used his GPD signal to track him down so she can take him somewhere special to her. Emilia gets ditched. Don’t hate the playa…

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I’m not sure Hayato signed up to have Sakura prattle on interminably about her increasingly dark and cruel past as they admire the islands’ version of the grand canyon (the geography of this place, and why its not overrun with savages, escapes me).

I think I fell asleep during some of the exposition, but from what I heard, Sakura had the same virus as Karen, was sold to a mad scientist and injected with Savage cells in an attempt to build a super-slayer. Not-fun times.

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Then Sakura proceeds to connect every significant part of her life to Hayato, from the one who set her on the path to idoldom, to the one who preserved the place where she apparently has good (rather than horrifying) memories, and the fact both of them are variants and thus “share the same fate.”

I imagine Sakura is going to be disappointed when she learns that Hayato does not and will not belong to just one woman. He belongs to them all. His blandness…it’s just so breathtaking.

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Oh HEY! It’s a savage! Those variant kids from last week, perhaps? They come pretty late in this episode. In fact, they come at the very end, before Hayato has any time to break out his Hundred and, you know, fight them.

Instead we spent what felt like an eternity watching Hayato jump from one girl to another, turning one Claire for Emilia, ditching Emilia for Sakura, and telling Sakura, who is pouring her heart out, to “calm down there.” Maybe the real monster in Hundred is Hayato.

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Hundred – 04

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I’ve taken over Hundred from Hannah, but she didn’t say anything about reviewing it seriously, so I won’t be, and if you actually take this show seriously, do not read this.

One thing I think we can ALL agree on is that Hundred’s first three episodes were seriously deficient when it came to the presence of girls in love with Hayato in one form or another. Seriously, where’s the love for this guy?

That starts to change in a hurry, as sparring with Erica und Fritz earns him the adoration of random extras, and famous idol Kirishima Sakura, who is all pink, natch, has seen YouTube videos of his battles and wants him to be her bodyguard.

With three Savage modules believed shot down but still unaccounted for, it’s the perfect time to put 100,000 warm bodies in mortal danger. The show must go on!

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Baaaaw loogit Big Bro Hayato being a Good Big Bro, securing a ticket to the concert for Karen! Sure, she’ll be one of the people in danger if things go wrong, but family should stick together, especially in potential battle zones. Besides, the fresh air might do her some good…or kill her.

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Aww, sorry Emilia. I guess Hayato can’t keep everyone happy all the time; inevitably making some girls who like him happy means making other girls who like him (or in this case, girls disguised as guys who like him) unhappyor at least disappointed. But hey, at least we know Emi didn’t surrender her key to Hayato’s room.

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Sakura’s very very pink, sure: Pink hair, pink eyes, pink flowers, pink cheeks…she’s pink, capiche? Other than that, she’s your typical dime-a-dozen anime idol, without any particularly exceptional qualities…except perhaps the brazen audacity of holding a concert in an unsafe place, putting her fans in danger. But hey, she’s taking their money and the fine print’s right there on the back of the ticket: Kirishima Sakura LLC is not responsible for death or dismemberment by Savage, etc. etc.

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She’s also a total tease and Hayato takes the bait, embarrassing her in the process when he takes her up on her worryingly detailed plan to marry him.

She also leaves her clothes and underwear carefully strewn around the bathroom when she calls him in to hand her her PDA, because this is 1993 and PDAs are a thing and you do NOT just leave them on the countertop and leave the bathroom, no sir, you have to hand the PDA to the naked girl in person while stepping over her bear pantsu which are an “exception” to her usual pantsu, which are vintage PDA-themed.

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Because this is Macross Hundred, Sakura’s fight is on the stage, and her “weapons” are her voice and a sleek flight suit that is extremely skintight and very similar to her skin tone, making it appear like she’s wearing barely anything at all when she’s actually covered neck to toe.

Sakura’s ability is called “Fairy Tale Fairy”, and I don’t know why Hayato doesn’t just say fuck it and storm off after being subjected to such a terrible ability name. Instead, he watches Sakura fly around for approximately seventy hours.

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His duties for the first day thus complete (who needs a bodyguard when they’re ASLEEP?), Hayato returns to his dorm and is elated to find it deserted, hoping to take a bath by himself.

Early on, Karen read Hayato’s fortune in the cards and warned him to be careful with women and water. I’ll just say for the record that he does not follow her advice.

But Emile/ia is in there and invites him to join her, so they get in some nice nakedtime that’s actually quite subdued until she pounces on him, they end up in an awkward position, and she runs away calling him a pervert. But the scar she got in a tragic PDA accident years ago is healing up nicely because he’s around, so it’s all good!

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Well, not ALL good. Three human-looking baddies whom I assume are Savage (or half-Savage variants) are staking out Sakura’s stage, assuring us they’re on humanity’s side, but not coming off as very convincing. I mean, for a start, where are their PDAs?

But hey, I’ll take Hayato & Co. fighting human-ish Savages than slow, lame monster-ish Savages any day. But why wasn’t THIS in Karen’s card-reading?

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Sabagebu! – Special – 01

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For those of you who plan to purchase a Blu-ray copy of Sabagebu!, know that… I’m about to spoil the bonus episode that comes on that disc!

For, indeed, I’m not sure if Sabagebu! Special 01 would have much impact if you knew exactly what you were getting into. So be warned! Look away if your disc is still in the mail, cause here we go!

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Entitled “Now There Were 5,” Sabagebu! special is an 11-minute summer vacation escapade. The girls are going to the president’s summer home for some relaxation but no one is fooled: they know Miou will turn it into a survival challenge of some sort, some how.

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And she does, except the obstacle course is not really important, nor all that challenging. Not till they get to the sharks, anyway.

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No, really this episode is about fan service. Knowing, psudo-family-friendly, fan service.

The girl’s strip down when they get to the mansion. The girls wear school swim suits as they trek across the obstacle course. Kaya gives a history on swim suits and on mythology that involve stripping Momoka in her imagination. Maya’s clothes are ripped off and she’s molested by eels.

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Urara gets especially frisky with Momoka’s anus, crotch, and under garments.

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Then Urara gets kicked back into the shark-filled lake and is eaten quite quickly. As her blood begins to spread, Miou proudly says she’s happy they’ve all made it. Then, as the narrator brings us away, Urara’s skull bobs to the surface.

Then there were 5! (counting Platty)

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Woo! That was some fan service! Knowing or not, it was more than a little eye-rolling.

Likewise, even if the girls were annoyed by it — Momoka even throws Platty AT THE SCREEN to get us to leave them alone — I’m not sure how I’d have taken this during the regular season?

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Thank goodness it was still funny!

Sabagebu! has fantastic timing and, above all else, knows how to pull out a surprise just when you think you’ve seen it all. No! I’m not talking about the surprise reveal that the sharks were real: I’m talking about the possibility that they just KILLED OFF A CHARACTER FOR LAUGHS!

Bravo, Sabagebu! Bravo!

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Suisei no Gargantia: Meguru Kouro, Haruka – 01

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So here’s something I wasn’t expecting: a 2-part, hour-long each, OVA extension to the Gargantia series. There it was though and, unlike the ‘unreleased’ and ‘bonus’ episodes that came with the original series’ Blu-Ray release, it’s caca-awful. Still beautiful but man-o-man is this a steamy whale-squid corpse!

Full disclosure: the translation I had access to was laughably terrible. Not even funny ‘Engrish’ bad. Just nigh incoherent and if I didn’t understand a little Japanese, I would have been truly lost by its deep philosophical conversations that were completely missing proper nouns or sentence subjects of any kind.

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For those of you who remember it, Garganita was a lovely, slowly building show about a human from space accidentally re-finding Earth, and finding it not only completely submerged under an endless ocean, but inhabited by space-living-humans’ nemesis: whale-squids.

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It was a pleasantly told story about coming to understand more about people, about machines and momentum that can make conflict keep happening even when it is unnecessary, and it was spiked with great mecha-action sequences and brilliantly detailed backgrounds.

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SnG:MKH keeps the backgrounds and is generally fantastic to look at. However, the first 30 minutes of the story are devoted to a garbled retelling of the series and OAVs to Reema, a new girl in the flying delivery crew.

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I may have been okay with this — I may have been okay with the difficult to follow flashbacks of Chamber set during different times in the previous series that we haven’t seen before OR could have managed the bloated cast that includes all the OAV characters from crazy fleet as well as new ones — but then we got to the bath house/fan service scenes less than 20 mins in…

Really? REALLY??

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I can’t call this OVA bad or even lazy, per se. It does provide original animation for much of it’s flash backs and it’s still lovely to look at. There’s also a new plot, smeared indecisively all over the place too.

Unfortunately, it mostly comes off as talking heads and Reema seems only to exist to flesh out the world for people who didn’t actually watch the original series. Why those people would want to watch this show, and why this shouldn’t be annoying to anyone who did watch it, is entirely beyond me?

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If you can wade through the emptiness of the story telling and don’t mind what feels like an endless number of cameos from characters that don’t matter now (and honestly barely mattered to begin with) then it’s a pretty, unusual looking show with lots of water with no story to tell.

If any of those things annoy you, as they annoy me, or that you haven’t seen the original show already…just skip this thing!

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Hi Scoool! Seha Girls – 01

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To be fair, this hot mess of a 10 minute anime mcoks Sega’s legacy hardware as much as it spends time reveling in that legacy’s games. Dial up modem jokes, blocky graphics, the 3 second Sega theme song is the school’s theme song and the fact that the dreamcast is kinda vapid, are worth a dull smirk. If you skin hasn’t melted off in horror first.

HSSG is painful to watch though and should never ever have been designed to run for 10 minutes. It’s just so empty of soul.

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If you want to learn more about Sega’s hard ware history and some of the games that made it popular, ask your parents… or grandparents. If you want to live in the past and revel in Sega’s glory, go buy a console on eBay.

Whatever you do, just don’t watch this anime.

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