Chio-chan no Tsuugakuro – 07 – Inner Fujoshi

Chio’s preference for Western-style hardcore shooting games puts her in rare company in Japan, such that she often has to pay extra to play them in Japanese. She also knows of only one konbini where a magazine covering those games is sold, until one day, it’s just not there.

Instead, there’s more BL game mags in its place. However, Chio’s lack of experience in the genre left her with the misconception all the L involves scrawny Japanese Bs. What ultimately sells her is the type of hardened assassin she loves to play in her western games.

Chio has discovered an exciting new world, but she has to interact with her old friend Andou in order to purchase it. She tries to make the mag less pervy by sticking chocolates on the shirtless ad guy’s nipples, but that only makes things worse, so she builds a kind of crop tank top.

Andou is initially distracted by the free driving school catalog Chio originally used to cover the BL mag, thanks in part to a coincidental “BL” in Chio’s email address, Andou gets wise to her purchase despite her efforts, though he makes it clear he’s not judging!

I must not have had a very eventful childhood, because me and my friends never played a game in which we tried to stick our fingers up each other’s butts. However, this seems to be a thing in Japan, and it’s explored in a gross but fun segment in which a girl from a rich middle school challenges Chio and Manana to a duel in; a challenge they initially ignore.

The girl forces the issue by zapping Manana, and is then surprised to find Chio has formidable skills (having had a crappy middle school life herself). But it’s ultimately Manana coming from behind to exact payback. Chio ties off her thumbs and holds her captive in the park to try to discern her motives.

As far as they’re concerned, the girl’s goal is to leave no ass unplugged. She slips out of her bind and gets Manana again. Chio is then given a handicap when the two end up in the middle of a busy part of the park, surrounded by adults and kids. Chio has to be careful about what she does to the girl here; the girl has no such compunctions.

This puts Chio on the defensive, and she ultimately proves her own worst enemy when she backs herself right into a broken protruding tree branch. However, the girl isn’t able to deliver the coup-de-grace, as she’s snatched up by Kushitori, who is still training in the park.

She offers her own ample posterior for the girl’s punishment, then delivers a thoughtful lecture on respecting each other’s bodies. The girl is initially charmed by Kushitori, but Chio snaps her out of it and she leaves having learned nothing.

In the final segment, which is just a quickie but says a lot, Manana and Chio spot a lonely-looking old woman sitting by what used to be a hydrangea patch in the forest, but is now built-up with concrete, glass and steel. They lament how modern society has trampled on the memories of previous generations.

Turns out their romantic imagining of it being the spot where she and her love met was nothing but a fiction. In reality, the woman is slumped over playing an addictive game on her phone. She’s in that particular spot because she can steal free wi-fi from the cafe nearby. When a barista comes out to shoo her away, she chews him out in kind, shattering the girls’ romanticized dreams.

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Chio-chan no Tsuugakuro – 06 – Game Over IRL

Kabbadi Club captain Kushitori Madoka is missing, but it doesn’t take Chio and Manana long to find her. While she acts as if she’s training “in the mountains”, she’s really just been camping in a city park, and her “master” is just a old creep who used to be successful but gave it all up thanks to his obsession with high school girls’ infectious “energy.” Yikes!

Needless to say, this is a situation in which neither Chio nor Manana want to get involved…so Chio launches Manana into the situation while she continues to hide.

Madoka wanted to rid herself of her “wicked thoughts” but after hearing the creepy dude’s life story she abandons that venture and pursues the “you do you” philosophy instead…which involves groping the butts of Chio (who Manana sells out as revenge) and later Yuki.

With all the groping out of the way, the next segment deals with Chio being influenced by an American combat game she played by treating every blind corner as a potential hazard (a passing mother seems to pity Chio, but the mother’s little boy things she’s hella cool).

When Chio spots Manana on a bridge that looks very much like a part of the game, she decides to try to ambush her from below, utilizing her surprising athleticism. However, things do not go as easily or as well for Chio IRL as they did in the game.

She ends up having to abandon the ambush and call out for help. Manana knows Chio too well, and knows she was trying to pull a prank. Her hesitation to help causes Chio to find untapped well of strength, which she uses not to raise herself up but to pull Manana down.

A lot of awkward positioning ensues, until both girls are so tangled up and exhausted they need a Good Samaritan to assist them. When he asks the students their names (he knows which academy they attend) the two friends give each others names.

Chio and Manana may seem intent on destroying each other most of the time, yet at the end of the day remain the good friends they’ve always been, and no one, be it a gropy upperclassman, uptight disciplinary officer, or former bike gang leader, can come between them.

Watashi ga Motete Dousunda – 12

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And so Kiss Him Not Me comes to an end, with the ending pretty much in the title all along. Mutsumi’s sudden realization of his romantic feelings for Kae make her other four suitors scramble to keep him away from her, but he eventually outsmarts them with a P.A. announcement calling Kae to the school roof.

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Mu, however, does not discourage the others from joining him on that roof and letting their feelings be known. With everyone saying they like her, clearly, and asking if she’ll go out with them, the onus is on her to choose.

Kae flees to A-chan with her predicament; A-chan is understandably frustrated with Kae putting everything in fujoshi terms, but the solution they come up with is for Kae to do things dating-sim-style. The scene is another hint that Kae simply isn’t ready for a 3D romantic relationship.

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She goes on dates with each of the suitors, and has a wonderful time with each of them, as each of their charms are laid bare before her. But it doesn’t make it any easier to choose among them; indeed, it only make the choice harder and more confusing.

All five are great, they’re just lacking that special something that would compel her to choose one over the others. Which is why, in the end, she chooses no one. The status quo prior to their confessions is the situation at the end, for Kae doesn’t “love” any of them the way she loves Shion, who may be resurrected in a new season of his anime.

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So there you have it. Kae has never subscribed to the notion that the princess belongs with the prince, or even that the princess belongs with another princess. She’s all about 5×7, tops, bottoms, and lords. Furthermore, she lives a full and happy life not with a boyfriend or girlfriend, but with her sixteen waifus.

“Sorry, that’s how it is,” she says to her shocked, former suitors. And I can’t really feel that bad for them. They’re all still friends, both with her and with each other. Hopefully they can get over the fact she’s not the kind of girl who’d date them, and never was.

It’s a fitting end to a satisfying, if not perfect show that centered on a genuine ‘unconventional’ girl (whatever that means) who may be a bit naive when it comes to romance, but in the end knows what she wants and what she loves, and isn’t about to conform.

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Watashi ga Motete Dousunda – 11

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Mu’s ill-advised attempt to convince his brother that Kae was already his girlfriend is undermined by everyone else, and only ends up emboldening Kazuma, who now knows that all of them are into Kae, and he’s only too happy to throw his hat in the ring.

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One by one, the group falls before Kazuma, who uses tactics that exploit the weaknesses of each person, be it Shi’s skittishness, Nana and Iga’s reputations, or Shina’s first doujinshi.

It feels a little Wile E. Coyote, in that each character gives up after one attempt to thwart Kazuma, but the point is that only one person can stop him, and he can only stop him by shedding the “meek little brother” act of always conceding everything to him.

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Kazuma is the way he is because Mu always gave him what he wanted. But as he demonstrates in the obscure Sengoku era-themed card game duel, Mu is not willing to cede ground to his brother. He cares too much about Kae.

In an amusing, if not particularly thrilling card duel (during which the gathered crowd and everyone but Kae constantly mention they have no idea what’s going on) Mu executes a just-barely-legal, gutsy move Kazuma did not expect, defeating him by all means at his disposal.

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Mu’s newfound intensity and confidence gets through to Kazuma, who accepts defeat graciously; not something I thought would happen after he locked and taped Mu in a locker just a couple days before. But Kazuma is happy Mu finally stood up for himself.

The group is happy Mu won…right up until the moment he capitalized on his victory by confessing his feelings to Kae, who seems to react positively. That naturally puts the others on edge, as with Kazuma (probably, hopefully) out of the picture, Mu is now back to being their rival for Kae’s heart. Even though she’s content to have sixteen fictional waifus.

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Watashi ga Motete Dousunda – 10

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This week marks another single guy-centric episode, but like Shinomiya’s, instead of the same Mutsumi we’ve gotten week-to-week, we get an overdone charicature, only not quite as overdone as the klutzy Shi. Combined with a somewhat lame first half involving a cave adventure that turns out to be pointless and a disaster of a second half, this was Kiss Him Not Me’s worst outing.

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The adventure is stale, and while the idea of Mutsumi not knowing whether he romantically likes Kae (like the others) is interesting, Mutsumi has always been the kind but rather dull one, and having him carry an episode, even half of one, just doesn’t do it for me.

Nor does his sudden intense fear of darkness, which is not much more than an excuse for Kae to take his hand and lead him through the cave. This is a guy who stripped both himself and Kae down to warm up her underheated body. It makes zero sense for him to be so flustered about holding Kae’s hand now.

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Things only get worse when Mutsumi’s older, creepier brother shows up as a student teacher. Setting aside the fact that his bisexualism (if it’s really even genuine) is handled about as seriously as a show like this could be expected to handle it; this guy straight up tells underage kids he could totally sleep with any one of them. That’s a fireable offense at best.

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Not only that, he takes an interest in Kae, to the point he invites her to lunch after running into her in Shinjuku (despite her clearly being uncomfortable with the idea), then takes advantage when he has to catch Kae from falling to make a move on her. Mutsumi is able to stop him before anything happens, but the look on Kae’s face is all you need to know to determine that this guy’s a sketchy creep, and I’m not sure how else we’re supposed to see him.

That he intends to “bide his time” until he’s no longer teaching there to “pursue” Kae (without any input from her about what she’d think about such a pursuit) doesn’t make him any less detestable. Even if he’s only putting on an extra-skeevy act to try to motivate Mutsumi to ask Kae out, it doesn’t change the fact he’s being totally inappropriate with a student.

I can forgive this show’s dancing around the whole weight thing, but not this. The fact is, the show just isn’t that funny right now, and that’s a problem.

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