Sword Art Online Alternative: Gun Gale Online – 08 – When in Doubt, Add Grenades

In terms of LLENN accomplishing her goal of quickly killing Pitohui, SJ2 is off to a rough start, as Team LF is about as far away from Team PM4 as is geographically possible on the game map. Fukaziroh also commits a rookie (or J.R. Smith-esque) mistake by walking right into a booby trap that takes out her legs.

In the two minutes that it takes for limbs to regenerate, it’s all up to LLENN to eliminate the six-man team attacking them…and she does so with girm efficiency and a variety of moves, from run-and-gunning to a crotch-stab. Fuka kills the sixth man with a short-range grenade, and soon has her feet back.

As for the other favorites to win, MM are holed up in the snowy mountain forests, waiting to see how things unfold, while SHINC is going after the closest enemy teams with no mercy. Also camping is team PM4, and though Pitohui is extremely impatient and bored, even to the point of questioning M’s courage, M has a plan, and since he’s the leader, what he says goes.

As they slowly make their way closer to PM4, LLENN and Fuka find another team at a train station, and Fuka decides to make up for her previous blunder by taking out their opponents without LLENN having to fire a single shot. All she has to do is serve as a spotter as Fuka rains grenades down from a place of safety, and it works like a charm…at least against an anonymously subpar team.

The next scan reveals that seven teams have formed a massive 42-person alliance and is nearing PM4’s position. LLENN is worried, and runs as fast as she can, but even at top speed she won’t make it, and soon trips over herself.

Fuka tells her all they can do is trust in Pito and M’s ability to survive, and the pair head towards the friggin’ gigantic domed stadium. For Pito’s part, she’s not running from this allied group. On the contrary, she intends to massacre each and every one of the 42. After all, she’s got a lot of pent up energy from all that waiting around.

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Hinamatsuri – 09 – A Tropical Vacay, a Promotion…and a Funeral

If Hina had simply been sent home via orb, none of the hilarity this week would have transpired. Chalk that up to an “organization” that is way more incompetent than you’d expect of an entity that deals with girls with terrifying telekinetic abilities. You’d think there’d have been some kind of revolt at this point.

Consider Mao: the “shy but capable” courier meant to deliver a new orb to Kei for Hina to use to return home (so that’s not off the table like it is for the officially-dead Anzu). Only Mao is transported to a remote tropical island just north of Indonesia, and both her orb and the spare for Hina are washed away within moments of arriving.

From there, the first act is a one-woman homage to Cast Away starring Ozawa Ari as Mao. She certainly is capable, able to survive just fine for days thanks to her ability (though why’d it take twelve days to make clothes?) Like Tom Hanks, she makes a friend—two friends, Anzu and Hina—out of coconuts. Unlike Tom Hanks, she voices both of them.

Weeks pass, and like Hanks, her hair gets longer and she develops a more stoicly intense look, while her “friends” have grown bodies. But eventually she snaps, tosses the coconuts—which are not her real friends, but just, well coconuts—off a cliff, and does what she should have done weeks ago: builds a raft and sails for the mainland (though ends up in Thailand, not Japan).

With Hina’s departure again indefinitely on hold, we move on to Nitta. He and Sabu have been ordered to pick up Nitta’s former brother Naito “The Slayer” from prison. With the president in a coma prior to naming a successor, an idiotic little power struggle plays out, thanks in equal part to Hina and Sabu.

Nitta manages to convince Naito not to challenge the lieutenant, but when Gramps wakes up and names Nitta his successor (to placate Hina, to whom he’s taken a shine), Sabu has too quick a text trigger. Both the lieutenant and Naito believe Nitta played them to steal the throne. Nitta sets the old man straight and the lieutenant is reinstalled two minutes later, but Sabu never texts this to the still-enraged lieutenant.

Before he knows it, Nitta is encased in an oil drum full of hardened concrete, with the LT and Naito ready to make him swim with the fishes. But Sabu’s chronic nausea is the first sign something is amiss. Nita’s failure to “nut up and go out like a villain” is another.

The president arrives just in time to corroborate Nitta’s defense. Once the LT and Naito realize they jumped the gun (with Sabu continuing to vomit but not own up to causing this) it’s needless to say an awkward situation. The LT decides to promote Nita to replace him on the spot, and everyone cheers him…but he just wants to be let out of the damn concrete. Where’s Hina when you need her?

Well, she and Nitta are apparently fine now after she walked in on his “one-man party.” We know this because there’s a helpful side note at the bottom of the screen. And that’s fine with me; that shortcut enables us to move on to something funnier: Hina planning a celebration for Nitta’s promotion.

She reaches out to virtually all of her amassed acquaintances, who all have different suggestions. I particularly liked Mika’s suggestion of booze…while drinking booze, stating she’s always celebrating the fact she was born, which is a slick way to excuse her alcoholism! A woman after my heart…

Hina can’t decide which persons advice to use, so she combines them. However, she isn’t able to procure booze, and spends so much on flowers she cans afford a cake, so makes one out of salt