Bloodivores – 01 (First Impressions)

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The Gist: 30 years ago, a vaccine for a virus caused some people to become vampires. After hundred of cases, the courts continue to hold the company accountable and the ‘Bloodvores’ are protesting. Also, occasionally attacking people for their blood.

Meanwhile, a group of Orphan Bloodvores rob a bank and are framed for 15 murders they did not commit. One of the kids is the sun of the director of BST, a commando group that deals with bloodvores (usually by beating them over the head with clubs) but he has daddy issues.

After a mock trial, the kids are driven away and shot by BST goons, but obvious not killed because they are the main characters…

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Bloodivores is almost so bad it’s funny but the animation is so poor I can not recommend watching it. Character movements are slow, filled with pauses, poorly framed (usually too close), and everything looks generic. 3D vehicle assets and backgrounds look like they were purchased from other shows or asset databases.

What almost works is how oblivious Bloodivores is of its try-hard terrible nature. Things like the TV News piece on ‘The Historical Side Effect Problem of Medicine,’ to the techno-babble about servers and a computer literally blink ‘hack,’ to the 90’s cool tench coats and broodie bad boys, Bloodivores perfectly captures a 8 year old’s sense of cool.

There’s even a scene where a tank slowly moves to block a tunnel exit… except, when it is revealed from the TV helecopter’s view above, the tunnel opens onto a tightly walled road. Meaning, there was no space for the tank to have moved from to block the road and no thought put into this show at all!

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The Verdict: judging from next week’s preview, our kid vampires will be joining a secret group of monster-clean suicide squad style and face nightmares the government is too lazy and or corrupt to deal with. Also, probably something backstory related to the protagonist’s mom.

No thanks

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5 thoughts on “Bloodivores – 01 (First Impressions)”

  1. I have a question. You ripped this episode apart, called it so bad it’s funny etc, but gave it 6/10. That doesn’t make sense to me. Is anything less than 5/10 impossible?

    1. We started removing shows I’ve dropped from ‘the big board’ this year but, rest assured, there are many shows in the archives that I’ve given a 1-4/10 rating.

      In Bloodivores’s case, it suffers from being generic and low quality in the animation and design department. Typically, that can earn a show as low as a 4/10 and as high as a 6/10. Bloodivore’s first episode is genuinely funny in several scenes. Even if that wasn’t intentional, and I do not think it was, it elevated the episodes value to ‘not being worth watching.’ I dont think it has any niche appeal (it doesn’t seem to have any genre or graphic violence or nudity hooks that would appeal to viewers) and I didn’t find it hard to watch.

      So 6/10

  2. Harsh. :) I thought its attempt at hard-boiled Japanese Gangster vampire chic almost worked. Almost….

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